this is why


25 Jul 06 Tuesday


No path.
Current mood: tired

There have been a couple of times in my life where I've felt completely worthless. These have come exclusively in my older years, as childhood has given way to responsibility and the fact I have to do SOMETHING. The options are quite bleak at times. Find a decent job (impossible, given where I live and my lack of education), get an education so I can possibly get a decent job, or go join the military and die in some sandbox somewhere. The education is certainly the lesser of the three evils, the gift that keeps on giving if you will. I somehow managed to fuck that up one time. I only look at that in regret when I think about people being ahead of me, and the fact that if I'd just stuck with it I'd just have two years left to some sort of degree, and not four. Oh, and when I think about all the money I owe the University of Kentucky and how they're screwing me in the arse with the biggest cock you can think of about it.

When I have my issues with feeling worthless, it's hard to fix it. It always seems like one thing is preventing me from doing what I want, and there's always a ton of problems connected to why I can't fix the one. This is generally due to my propensity to look at the big picture and not problem solve from the tiny ones up. All it takes is a bit of thought sometimes about how to change just one, tiny thing and that gives way to a sort of domino effect. I know that when I'm not having a problem, but find me a bit stressed out and searching for a solution and I'm completely perplexed.

I've always admired Alex's ability to seemingly stay calm in all sorts of situations, though he insists that's from lack of thought.

I think the most important thing to remember about feelings of worthlessness and doubt is it's part of life. I suspect everyone feels that way at least every tiny once in awhile. And the thing I've discovered about life is, things can only go bad for so long. Eventually something decent has to happen. Every day can't be entirely shitty. You may have a whole string of shitty ones, but somewhere in there life's going to throw you one that doesn't suck entirely.

Inspired by someone who feels worthless, of course. The best thing to remember, friend, is eventually it'll get better.

The great home tour begins on Friday. I look forward to it with both dread and excitement. Moving is a pain in the arse, but I'll be glad not to have to commute 36 miles in order to see Alex, and it's high time I got the hell out of the house of my father. And back in school. And a job. Etc.

That's all I got.

too much for everyone to read I guess, well whatever, I loved it.

I have no clue who "nero" is but he's reading my mind.

Nero said:

retina said:

I know.

I do hope she is well!

She is a character, but you gotta lover her.

Yeah, I liked her too.

Me too!!!

gemini13 said:

she left me a voicemail last night that literally made me spit my drink out of my mouth with laughter.

jerseykrs said:

She's the only person I knew here that offended more people than I do.

jerseykrs said:

I read that too and it made me miss her! I love that chick.



someone tell her she can come back!

jerseykrs said:

I haven't been able to talk to her lately because of my damn computer problems, but we have exchanged an e-mail or two. I love how she talks the way she writes and vice versa. I was pretty shocked the first time I heard her voice though. You probably know why.

I know more people miss Nero than this. C'mon now.

AnckSuNamun said:

She said

" Ain't a motherfucker one gonna post on that thread, for the record. "

ok, I've been reduced to posting this.

Please stop ignoring me JerseKRS, becuase it's getting on my fucking nerves.

Imago said:

jerseykrs said:

You do that shit on purpose knowing I'm gonna act like an angry little bitch, just for amusement!

Imago said:

both of you bitchez ignore me.

cunts.

mrdespues said:

Imago said:

screw you, my name didn't come out of your keyboard for ANY of the "which orger" threads that were flying around here yesterday.....


BIG

I actually do miss rhonda, but I don;t think she would believe that. I'm a lazy bastard with orgnotes & emails and there's always another tomorrow for me until it's too late. The people I ignore are usually the people I like most, here and in real life.

Number23 said:

You know, I'm the same way.

jerseykrs said:

But I didn't post anybody's name on those, and I don't think I even went in to but one of them!

~this argument is kind of hot~

Imago said:

That's no excuse.

Imago said:

yeah, it's like a cat fight.. hormones flying everywhere.. you can smell it!

Thanks for jacking Rhonda's thread!!!

jerseykrs said:

Well, you typed too much stuff to read. Can you sum it up in a sentence or two? Some of us are trying balance the org out with work.

Imago said:

jerseykrs said:

No shit!!! You guys are pathetic.