It is time once again to share bawdy tales of romance. Don't be afraid to post your own.

This one is called "The Dudes"

Once there was this nasty broad named Starla who was sitting on her porch eating Bugles. As she savored the crunchy corn taste, she pondered on a fantasy of hers: To be double penetrated by two studly half Chippendale dancer, half cockatiel creatures in the back of a really nice van. She silently sent a prayer up to her god, The Dicklord, and as if by magic a big, windowless van pulls up to the front of her lawn.

"Oh my god," Starla whispered to herself. She was already so horny you could make two quarts of Kool-Aid with all the feminine juices she was producing.

Out steps two burly birdmen in the trademark skin tight black pants and bow tie. In their strange bird language they utter "'Sup" and "Get in the fuckin' van," which somehow Starla understood. She wolfed down the remaining bugles, save for one that she would consume at the height of pleasure (this appearently feels awesome).

The interior of the van was ultra stylish, with lots of shag carpeting and paintings of epic barbarian scenes. Anyway, the dudes wasted no time getting their DP on, bringing Starla to orgasm so fast she almost forgot to eat her Bugle. The birdmen, still yet to be satisfied, then pulled out and basically frotted their 12 inchers for awhile. They blew the roof off of their van when they came, and it was pretty good. The end.

Pumpkin Sex

One Halloween, Dracula decided to grow a pumpkin patch. Using his magical powers, he gave all of his Pumpkins the gift of a conscious mind. Most of the pumpkins he grew were rude and wily, but amongst the bunch lived two very sweet pumpkins with good hearts; Jenny and Lolo. Naturally, they met and fell in love.

Dracula came out to water his prized crop one night, and noticed the couple cuddling beneath the stars. His cold heart was warmed by this sight, prompting him to cast another spell that would give them sex organs. He then turned into a bat and hovered over the scene.

Unfortunately, Dracula had not made Jenny and Lolo intelligent enough to understand what had just happened to them. They screamed and ran into seperate directions, never to see each other again. Dracula was so saddened by this, he flew into the horizon until sunrise, effectively killing himself. The Transylvanian country side was finally safe, and it was pretty good. The end.