You may have noticed – or not – I dunno that I haven’t been around as much, or when I have been, haven’t really been myself.
To be honest, I don’t know who I am, and haven’t known that for the last 2 years.
I don’t expect this thread to say much or mean much, or even make any sense at all, but I feel like I am imprisoned in myself, and I cannot get help.

This is not just to do with mentally or emotionally, I mean physically too. I am stuck here, in my own little world and I am trapped. I cannot get help. I cannot tell anyone. I will not confide in anyone, cos there is nobody I trust more than myself to tell or explain this too. This is not about depression. So you wonder why I am telling you this at all?
I have no idea why. Maybe this is the only way I can feel I can communicate, cos there is nobody in the real world I can tell my problem.
There is no point asking what it is, and can anyone help, cos the answer would be no.

It is doing my head in and I cannot find an easy way out – a solution, and so I have imprisoned myself, and I am not living a normal healthy life. I am not free. And when I have taken time out to help myself, seek help, work on my confidence and the image I have of myself, I get attacked in such negative ways, by people closest to me, (my family) that is causing greater damage and sucking me deeper into the dark hole I am in.

My days just seem to pass me by, and I accomplish nothing of great importance. I cant, cos there is no key to unlock the problem. It makers me want to just run away and start again, anonymously, where nobody knows me, who I am, or who I was, that’s the only way I can see an opening, a real beginning.
I apologise for not making much sense, and I cant bring joy and fun into this thread, I feel like if I can say something, be it just written down, for I cannot speak or tell the whole truth, it just may help me a little bit.

Thank you.

And continue the great threads, I may not post much, but I watch and read..

I'm drunk and I've come back to my folks for the first time since my contract ended, you're one of my bezzy's, so call me if you wanna.

JDINTERACTIVE said:

Thanks, but I cannot call tonight

I had a similar (because everyone experiences things differently) experience last year. I wasn't on the org much back then either, like you now.

But I changed...I created an image of what I wanted to be, then realised it was possible and made it a goal to become that person. It took a while, and I'm still perfecting, but it worked.

When you realise that, contrary to what you think (and this sounds clichéd) you, and only you, have the power to change everything about you in life, then you can change. It may seem futile, and for some it's a big step (I know it was easier for me because I'm young, and also because I'm not emotionally attached to anything in life), but you really must do it, I feel, if this is how you feel.

My advice may seem pointless to you, but then again it might not be. All I can do is wish you all the best, Red. It's just one of life's challenges, face it and beat it, you'll feel much better for it.

REDBABY said:

Sweets!, you can!

Ironic really, I think I better change my sig..

REDBABY said:

You need a boozy doo with I. Plus, you smell.

oh, red. Things can get better. I wish you all the hope and luck.

I noticed you weren't around.

I hope there's some way you can make your situation better. Some of the things you say there I can empathise with.

CarrieMpls said:

She smells.

Spookymuffin said:

No, your advice isnt pointless, but the greatest thing I have, and know, has been stripped away from me, I have fucked up BIG time and I have to face the consequences..

JDINTERACTIVE said:

It would cause too much trouble.. maybe tmrw

REDBABY said:

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

REDBABY said:

Well, whatever those consequences are, the grass is always greener on the otherside.

I can't believe I'm being positive. I'm a depressed nihilist.

REDBABY said:

Probably, after all....

CarrieMpls said:

Thanks, I think they can get better, but not for about a year, and then the damage may have already been done, in the long term

Spookymuffin said:

I know the grass is greener, I have the ambition to change it, but the *world* wont allow me to

REDBABY said:

oh sweetie. I don't know what's going on. I really hope it won't take you that long. But sometimes it does take us a while to heal, I suppose.
I hope we can get together when I come over in September.

REDBABY said:

Again the world is what you make it. I've made the world the darkest place I could possibly live in, to the extent that I've wanted out...but then again I've made the world the most beautiful place.

Oi, arse face, whats up with ya? give us a call for aa giggle.

CarrieMpls said:

I hope I can make it in september, it would be a joy to meet you again

JDINTERACTIVE said:

My dad would go apeshit...

REDBABY said:

He should see my baboon ass.

Fauxie said:

Thanks sweetie

JDINTERACTIVE said:

Ok, well I know you are drunk, so perhaps come back read this tmrw..

But why do I allow my Dad to bully me? I am a grown up adult

He can bring me down with one cruel blow - verbally I mean, which sticks.. STICKS!!! for weeks, months, maybe years.. I will never escape that..

REDBABY said:

Sticks sound fun!! What you up to thse days?









I miss you.

I don't know the precise circumstances of your situation - but I empathize with the essence of what you are feeling.

I hope you are soon able to find resolution and inner peace. Though it may not seem possible now, never lose hope that things will get better.

One day you will once again find joy in life.

WillyWonka said:

Its crazy I know, that I am not making myself entirely clear, and cannot open up anymore than I have, but I want resolution NOW!! But I am trapped

Thank you though for your kind words

Wanna fat hug?!

Life is many days, Red! This too will pass.