in someone (you're not attracted to them at all) is it ok to tell them straight up, "I'm sorry, but I am just not attracted to you"?

Or should you give them some other reason?

alright, I get it already, you don't like me!! Stop humiliating me.

JustErin said:

I have had to do that. I met a guy in a nightclub and we had a blast (with a group of friends) and he had a dozen roses delivered to my work I immediately called him and told him straight up. He appreciated it, although I am sure he was somewhat hurt. We went out a few more times and he seemed quite at ease knowing we were friends and no pressure, and I introduced him to a cute friend and they hit it off really well!

jerseykrs said:

Mr. krs, I am asking a serious question. Please don't ruin my thread with your crazy shenanigans...
























yet.

ZombieKitten said:

Do you remember what you said exactly?

JustErin said:

hahahah, yes, you have to tell them. Even if it hurts their feelings, honesty is the best policy.

It depends on whether you have a problem hurting someones feelings or not. I think it's best to come up with something else unless you have no other choice.

While giving another reason might seem a kinder (and easier) option upon first impulse, it is my opinion that honesty shows more respect.

If feelings are presented thoughtfully and with consideration, telling someone you do not feel a romantic attraction to them is less insulting and hurtful in the long run than lying and the lie later being discovered.

Depends.

Is person your boss, or someone who you stand to gain a good deal from if you simply act the part until you gain favor?

Imago said:

I won't get shit from this girl.

jerseykrs said:

Way to blow your cover, dude.

JustErin said:

Ok, so honesty is the best policy. I agree totally.

So is simply saying "I'm sorry, I am just not attracted to you" ok to say?

I am amazed a woman is asking this question. I thought they had the whole "I just like you as a friend" line down pat.

JustErin said:

I first thanked him very much for the flowers and told him he was the first person that had ever done that for me. I also told him the reason I didn't want to "go out" with him was that I was still in love with someone else (who I didn't believe it was all over with yet), not because I didn't find him attractive - he thanked me very much for my honesty, very mature for someone who was only 23.

Actually, that is kind of an excuse isn't it though it was 100% true. I was just freshly broken up with the one I am married to now.

I've had to do this another time too, with a guy that was REALLY in love with me and I was in love with his best friend THAT was a sticky situation.

JustErin said:

Actually, yes. Becuase if he/she doesn't maintain contact with you after that, then they were only after one thing anyway.

Spats said:

I'm sure he's speaking from first hand experience

ZombieKitten said:

do you have any of those cute friends left... single ones?

I bascially lie. I could never tell someone to their face I didn't find them attractive.

If it ever happens, I usually tell them "I'm not really looking right now".

mrdespues said:

no, all the single ones left are guys curiously enough

ZombieKitten said:

oh well.

Ok, so saying it straight up is acceptable but....

what if the person was really overweight and possibly really self conscious about it? Is it still ok to be straight up, to say that there is zero physical attraction?

JustErin said:

You're killing me, killing me.

mrdespues said:

So you don't find me attractive.

JustErin said:

no. i think that would be rude. just say you're not looking. why make the person feel even worse, being rejected already? what's the point?

JustErin said:

you know what? I don't think it matters what you say to this guy, they are automatically going to assume it's the weight thing anyway sad but true, it's a huge issue for them

Imago said:

i never said that.

I've a question for you. Why is it women are never attracted to the man that treats them well? Maybe you should search out that first before saying anything.

MickG said:

Hey!!! no spelling mistakes from Mick!!! Congrats.

mrdespues said:

Isn't it better to be honest with them right away than to have them find out that you are interested or even seeing someone else after saying you are "not looking right now?"

I think that would suck so much more.