The woman should make you pop a boner if you intend on spending lots of time with her. You have to physically attracted. Or the rest won't work.

Spats said:

Please, Spats, dear chum, don't advise me in this arena. Thanks.

ThreadBare said:

Play hard to get. Don't play the female game.

[Edited 6/25/06 22:21pm]

ThreadBare said:

After the other night i should be getting sacktime shortly. It's working. It will work for you too.

Spats said:

Well, I like to talk to women. The ones I date tend to be really smart, creative, socially conscious and sweet. And, I like what they bring to my life. My goal is to find someone with whom a permanent deal will work.

I'm not sure whose game that is in your book, but the Good Book says it'll be a good thing, when it happens for me.
[Edited 6/25/06 22:25pm]

Here's a notion. And, again, I could be wrong ...

The whole notion of romance, in my case, involves the concept of knowing and believing in a woman having value -- if you're lucky, a lot of value -- realizing she will be worth the expense of time, effort and money, and setting about wooing her to a place of reciprocal interest and love.

Along the way, you check for traits such as integrity, loyalty, respect, honesty, intelligence, faith, healthful and responsible decisions, and a good family life/childhood. Attractiveness, though still in my mix, is worth less to me at 33 than it was a decade ago.

You'd be surprised how fickle conventionally "good looking" people can be. And, well, my tastes are fairly unconventional, at times. So, my list of non-negotiables is pretty, well, non-negotiable.

ThreadBare said:

I agree in some sense with what you say. However I don't use terms like "expense", I see it more as a karma exchange. If you put energy into something in a positive manner, it will come back onto you. And after all, don't we all want that? To many people believe they can "find" or "change" another to being what they "need", very selfish. Some just want to take, and if you take and take and give nothing, you will end up with nothing in the end. Love thus is like a garden, so to marrage, if you are unwilling to do the work, you will starve to death.

So, you are going to play the female game and "woo" and "Pursue". Don't do it. It's time for women to ante up and make things happen. Risk their ass for a change.

In other words, at your age you are settling.

It's spelled "marriage".

Spats said:

I really got to you didn't I

MickG said:

You need to get to the spell check button.

ThreadBare said:

I agree in some sense with what you say. However I don't use terms like "expense", I see it more as a karma exchange. If you put energy into something in a positive manner, it will come back onto you. And after all, don't we all want that? To many people believe they can "find" or "change" another to being what they "need", very selfish. Some just want to take, and if you take and take and give nothing, you will end up with nothing in the end. Love thus is like a garden, so to marrage, if you are unwilling to do the work, you will starve to death.

MickG said:

I hear you. But, I can't use karmic currency to buy a 1-carat VS2 with level D clarity...




So, "expense" seems appropo, in this context -- even if it's love-driven expense.

ThreadBare said:

Oh Jeez, please don't be buying any woman an expensive ring.

Uh-oh, Threadbare is busting out with "friend" and "dear chum". Obviously, his patience is wearing thin!

AnotherLoverToo said:

Nahhh, not so. Just sleepy.

Say, what'd you think of that stone?

MickG said:

I hear you. But, I can't use karmic currency to buy a 1-carat VS2 with level D clarity...




So, "expense" seems appropo, in this context -- even if it's love-driven expense.

ThreadBare said:

Honestly, I must speak up here, I think that's tactless Sir. "Buying" something isn't Love, and if it is bought for Love as a gift, then expense has nothing to do with it. I believe more in giving what a person need inwardly rather then something that can be put on the outside.

Sorry.

I think that people should "pick" partners that compliment them, not someone that they think will complete them. I think too many people make the mistake of trying to fill whatever void they have with a relationship.

luv4all7 said:

i understand ...

though i believe we DO have the power that divinity gave us to co create our lives along side him/her/spirit whatever

especially when times are tough

This is why I am not interested in getting married...ever.

Mach said:

No higher power would bring people together to be called deragatory names, and be in a bad relationship. If you have heard or feel that God is calling you to that person, then it isn't God. If your partner is telling you that God brought you together, yet makes you miserable, berates you and all, then that person is using God as a manipulative tool to keep you constrained.

MickG said:

Knowing Threadbare a bit, I know that's not what he meant. In fact, he said "realizing she'll be worth the expense of time, effort and money". Note that money is last on the list, and I think he puts it there because he's realistic about what couples encounter in life.

This thread makes me not want to get married

Mach said:

"Wrong" reasons: fear, lonliness, insecurity, "I'm expected to", "I want a child", financial security, wanting someone to meet your needs for you, looking for a "father figure", looking for a "mother figure", to avoid issues in your life at the time, to "escape", boredom, an obsessive need for "safety", afraid to say no, afraid you won't get anyone "better", feeling you don't deserve anyone "better" (low self esteem), confusion, they're really good in bed, "I could do worse"...and on and on.

"Right" reasons: a combination of true love, effortless connection, a feeling while together that is unsurpassed, their presence brings you emotional and spiritual peace, viewing life through the same eyes, a natural friendship existing at the relationship's core, you cause each other to be your better selves without trying...

Insecurities drive our actions far more than we ever want to realize or acknowledge.