i am in a nightmare situation that is stressing me up and i need some help badly...i have posted before about my situation that some of u might have seen already http://www.prince.org/msg/100/181381 ....the situation as of now is that my girlfriend's nasty divorce has now got a trial date in august, she has an injuction to keep her husband away from her and he is not supposed to have any contact with her whatsoever.....well last week ,he phoned her and ,not for the first time, told her that she was going to get murdered!...she reported this to the police and they went round to his house and told him that the next time that happened, he would be jailed until it went to court.

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.....she has now heard from the little friends that he still has left that they think he is going to do something because he will propably lose everything in the divorce and have warned my girlfriend to watch her back!...

....
....the pysicial and mental abuse that this low life has put her through for years is almost unbelievable and two and a half years after she managed to get the courage to leave him...he is still doing it with no end in sight...

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....the problem i have is that i want to go and see him and give him a taste of his own medicine but if i kick the shit out of him...how will this affect the divorce trial??...

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.....do i wait and hope he doesnt do anything to her or do i go and give him a visit and try and scare him into not bothering her again???

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.....he is a real nasty piece of work and i would get great pleasure in sorting him out but the thing that is worrying me is that if he feels he has nothing to lose, he might try and get to her first ....i dont know what to do...anybody had any experience of something like this happening to them???....any advice would be welcomed...
....
....i just want him to leave us alone...

[Edited 6/20/06 4:21am]
[Edited 6/20/06 4:21am]
[Edited 6/20/06 4:23am]
[Edited 6/20/06 4:23am]

Stay away from him. He sounds like a total prick and probably deserves a good kicking, but it won't help your situation any. I would just report to the police what his friends have said and leave it to them. You don't want to spend time behind bars for GBH (or worse) on account of some knuckle-dragging waste of oxygen.

Think about it, if you did go and kick the shit out of him, what do you think he might do next ? You may only provoke him into doing something worse.

Ach Bob

If he has nothing to lose he wont care if you scare him into submission. Whats worse, getting the shit kicked out of him, going to jail, or losing everything anyway?

I personally, would say definitely get round there and give him what for, BUT the question of how this will affect the trial is a very serious one. Find out more about that if you want to pursue this avenue.

Otherwise, get your mates round there and dont let on it was you!

I wish you and your girlfriend all the best of luck Bob

No advice to give, sorry, but I wish you all the best.

I hope this sorts itself out.

Is there any way you two can relocate until the court date?

People say a lot of things during divorces. I've been there. Threaten to kill themselves, threaten to kill you, threaten all sorts of things. Try and be strong and believe it will not happen. Having said that, if there is ANY hint of anything further actually developing beyond words, you need to run like a motherfucker to the police.

You should definitely report his friends' comments to the police, by the sounds of them (although it's not immediately clear whether they were being threatening or not), and report anything else important. Do feel able to report how scared you are by actions too, because that is essentially what the crime of assault is all about - putting the victim in fear of physical harm.

Finally, don't let this man and his friends stop your lives. And especially don't be a fool and retaliate. That would not only look bad (in response to your question), but it would be bad generally for all concerned.

Don't go in there all gung ho. The best thing you can do is stick around your girlfriend and be there in case something happens. This way he will always be in the wrong. If you have more evidence to suggest that his is a direct threat (ie if these old friends are prepared to talk to the police) then they might take him into custody to await trial.

All the best.

shit, i'd get the cops MORE involved with this guy. i'm sure threatening to harm someone, let alone kill is a SERIOUS offense.

do not take it into your own hands though

this is dangerous territory. get that guy sorted. LEGALLY.

don't go in there and take care of him yourself. you might end up in jail
with him being free to harass your girlfriend at the same time since he's
sure then that you won't get in the way.

and even if you do get away with it, it might just provoke him more. i'd
wait until the trial date and see what that brings. but if that doesn't
solve anything i'd start thinking about relocating.

don't do anything that will leave your girlfriend unprotected. she needs you around her to help her through this, don't do anything stupid to jepordize that. How do you thnk she would feel if you did something and got arrested or even hurt? She needs you more to be there than to try and take care of this guy.

don't assault him.

if you can, move her to a safe house.

hire a bodyguard for her

record her incoming calls

arm yourself with a gun and get a permit for it. he might come after you too.

take care and good luck

XxAxX said:

this is actually some good advice, the cops can't do anything really, unless something happens. That is usually too late. A stupid law.

jerseykrs said:

i know. also, get some real training in how to use a gun

remember: if he trespasses inside your home or hers you are allowed to defend yourself.
[Edited 6/20/06 11:26am]

Do NOT "kick the shit out of him" that's probably what he wants. He wants to have something on you, DON'T DO IT!!!!!

Besides, if your girlfriend wanted to be w/someone violent, she woulda stayed with him.

And I "think" that people who talk shit like that r just talking shit. If he was gonna hurt her, he would jusst do it.....not keep talking about it.

Good luck to her though, it is sad when men (or anyone) degrade you like that. She's lucky to have gotten out of that relationship!

to assault him would do your girlfriend no good, and would probably take you out of the picture, while you sit in a holding cell next to a wino, or a homicidal maniac. How could you support and comfort her then?
Let the police handle it. It's what they;re paid to do. Call them often and early.
Keep your gf secluded and out of touch with everyone, but her attorney. The ex can only terrorize her, if she lets him. As long as he sees he's successful in scaring her, he wins. Don't let him win, but don't touch him. You'll lose then

JPW said:

EXACTLY. Do everything you possibly can to gather a "paper trail" behind him for evidence in court.

Also, get your woman to a safe place. She needs to be hiding, if need be amongst some big, bad, protectors. Until the trial, do not let her go anywhere unescorted. She shouldn't even DRIVE alone.

When I was a teen I had a horrifying experience with a family whose ex literally broke into her car, hid himself in her trunk, and popped up in the backseat threatening to kill her as soon as she got onto the road. She managed to talk her way out of the situation by saying she wanted to reconcile, which got her away within an inch of her life. He terrorized every member of the family to get to her,to the point of her dad nearly wanting to go after the guy with a Smith & Wesson...not cool on ALL fronts.

The problem is, when people are that emotionally imbalanced and feel they have nothing to lose, the sense of desperation WILL push them to go for "ALL, or NOTHING AT ALL"...they figure that if they're going down, then they will take the object of their obsession down with them so their hurting won't be (in their twisted mind) in vain.

Do NOT take any chances with this dude. Concentrate on how to keep your girlfriend safe. Don't do anything that makes it look like you (collectively) are engaging him; let him be the only one at fault through his behaviours and keep track of every phone call, every nasty note, every phone message. File report after report and restraining order after restraining order, so that if he breaks it he will be jailed immediately. Corny as it sounds, now is the time for your girl to be doing a lot of reading on this subject and maybe taking classes or joining support groups, even if only for a short time.

I also remember something similar also happening to a girl I had known in Jr. High school when I was 17; although rather than being murdered she escaped with a gang raping and simply being "left for dead". Her story affected me so much that I chose the topic for my senior speech at prep, and given the scope of research required for the topic, lo and behold if I wasn't able to escape a mugging (and posssible rape/murder) myself coming home from an after school job one day. If I hadn't been armed with the knowledge and understanding of how & why these things can happen, and what any ordinary girl can do to try to protect herself, I may have ended up in some sucker's blue Bonnyville with a pistol in my mouth or up my ass. Somehow, just having the power of knowledge can even be helpful, to help you think quickly and clearly in a dangerous situation. You see, the people who commit these kinds of acts are counting on you to be weak, and disoriented, without a support system and not knowing left from right so that it is easier to emotionally and pysically terrorize you. This is how they find their sense of peace and satisfaction. But you've got to be smarter than they are. And stronger. I KNOW what you're going through probably feels nothing less than HELLISH right now, but try the hardest you can not to do anything rash. Do not engage this guy emotionally in any way (by way of fighting or arguing) because it only feeds his fire and gives him a twisted sense of accomplishment from "drawing you in". Use the frustration energy instead to build your personal support system (by way of friends, family, social & legal programs), and try to keep your girl safe until this thing gets to court.

well most of you think i should just ignore him and hope for the best and i think this is probably the best option ...i cant be with her all the time because we work different shifts but i think the best thing is to report every little thing he does to her to the police..whenever she sees him anywhere, he stands and stares at her or chases her car on foot or in his car,all this has to be reported every time it happens, this guy thinks he is above the law...this situation is one where the police should really be doing their job and protecting her from low life's like him...
...
...if we go down the proper channels and she still ends up getting hurt or worse then i will gladly go to jail for 5 minutes in his company.
...
thanks everybody for your help
[Edited 6/21/06 1:55am]

blackbob said:

think of your son too, if you end up with a criminal record, your ex will have a good reason to not let you see him again

blackbob said:

Bob, PLEASE be careful!

onenitealone said:

go back and re-read my post.

ZombieKitten said:

precisiely. you going to jail acting on emotion and primal impulse will be of help to no one. you have to be smarter than your girl's ex, so you can take him down.

Ottensen said:

I just did. I understood it the same way the second time round.

onenitealone said:

Sorry, Pumpkin---I actaually meant that for onenitealone. He sounds so upset right now I was just hoping that we can reel him back in from doing something rash to make the situation worse .

Ottensen said:

I *am* onenitealone. Do you mean blackbob??




I know - I hope he doesn't do anything rash. I'd hate to see Bob get in trouble as a result.

onenitealone said:

YES! YES!!!!Yes!!! You know who I mean, Sugar!

Damn I'm already turning into my parents with calling people by the wrong names and I'm not even 35!

It's time for me to look into Ginko Biloba for memory retention !

Ottensen said:

Don't worry about it. I was a bit confused at first but hey...

Perhaps she should pick up a little digital voice recorder or a Mini DV camera and keep it with her or in her car, so she can capture this stuff when it happens. It might even scare him if he sees her taping everything he's doing when he tries to harass her.

Do not confront him!! As much as that might satisfy something in you, you can go to jail and create more of a situation in their divorce. Is she asking money or possessions from him in the divorce? If so, would she consider giving him everything and asking for nothing in order to be free of him? He sounds like a psychotic freak. Can she move to somewhere he can't find her?

I'm concerned for you

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

hi supa..dont worry ,mate, i wont do anything rash..but if anyone ever deserved it....its this guy .....i hate violence !!!....because of what he has done to her since she left him and he is not listening to his lawyers advice to settle with her...when it goes to trial...he could lose everything because he is not prepared to give her anything!!..and she hates him so much she wants to leave him with nothing because she has had nothing since she left him....
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