Do you do this, or does someone you know?

I'm talking about the sort of person who not only always complains about how horrible their lives are, but who also seem determined to wallow in it no matter what kind of solutions might exist.

It's almost like they get off on being pitiful and they usually really want someone to "rescue" them and take care of things for them.

((BTW, before anyone accuses me of being insensitive, I'm not talking about a rare and genuinely disastrous occurrence, I'm talking about a lifelong tendency towards this kind of thinking))

Yeah, I was gonna say we all can play the victim from time to time. But no, I'm not sure I know anyone who has a habit of it.

I'm just a negative person, it's not like I know how to be anything different.

we all do that from time to time



however, if u do it, it's a different story

jerseykrs2 said:

Well, I think that's different, being negative vs. helpless

i get overwhelmed by life and i'm not afraid to admit it, but i try never to equate that into my being a "victim"...even if sometimes i have every right to play that card. i don't like that word and i don't like being linked to it.

there's no victimization in my life - just revenges in progress.

AnotherLoverToo said:

true, I wouldn't ever describe myself as helpless, just pessimistic.

i know a few people who are like that. the problem is not the complaining the problem is not making an effort to change and constantly talking about it as if nobody else has problems. thats what bothers me. sometimes people just want attention. after awhile it just gets old. i used to talk about my problems alot. i had to stop that and do something about it. total peace of mind. i'd never wallow in anything.

Anx said:

ok anxy put up ur dukes

Anx said:

i agree

I had a friend that was an eternal victim and it was all about attention.

Damn, I lost my post and have to rewrite it!!

I think sometimes it's a "learned helplessness", where someone has always had somebody to take care of things for them, so they're actually a bit childlike and never developed the confidence nor the skills to help themselves.

For example, I work with an extremely diverse population, many are refugees, and they come from places where the government provided EVERYTHING for them--housing, food, etc.,--so the concept of providing these things for themselves is extremely foreign (excuse the pun, heh). I have clients who refuse to do anything to empower themselves in any way because they want me or another "authority figure" to do it.

I get just as annoyed with people who have to put a positive spin on everything, no matter how serious the situation is. The minds of these two extremes probably operate in a similar way; they have to colour the world with one brush, otherwise it becomes too complex for them to handle. Simplicity can be comforting sometimes.

AnotherLoverToo said:

Aren't those people dealing with more extreme situations though?

Anx said:

Yeah.....I also don't like the more PC term that was adopted in the word "victim's" place: "survivor". Like, "she's a rape survivor" rather than a rape "victim", meant to supposedly empower the person. It's so staged.

retina said:

But finding genuine positivity when it is genuinely lacking can be much healthier than wallowing in the mire. People have told me many times in my life that I must not have problems because I am always happy and I tell them I just hate being unhappy I have plenty of problems, but I project what it is I want and that is happiness. When you are happy, it's easy for others around you to be happy as well.

jerseykrs2 said:

Pessimism is an active state of being, at least!

AnotherLoverToo said:

Really? I think a person can move past the victimization part and into the survivor role. I feel that is what I have done with my situation with domestic abuse. Yes I was a victim but I chose not to stay a victim. That makes me a survivor right?

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Yeah, some of them are, and some of them are totally working the system by playing the victim. And I"m as hardcore liberal as they get, but I've got some folks literally playing at being crazy in order to avoid taking English classes.

AnotherLoverToo said:

Well I say take their crazy asses to the poor house That's really bizarre.

retina said:

I agree when they use that attitude to refuse to acknowledge the disturbing existences of others. Like the whole ostrich sticking his/her head in the sand thing. If they can acknowledge that life sucks for some people, yet they choose to have a sunny attitude about their own lives, that's cool to me!

AnotherLoverToo said:

i think it's fine if that's how the person really feels. but if someone really FEELS like a victim, nobody has the right to "correct" them simply because another word is more PC.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

It's a whole different thing to tell others "to think positive" or "to be happy" though?.How could you possibly find genuine happiness from your life-situation when there is no reason for it? There's no way to force happiness to take over your life, and for some individuals seeing the brighter side of things simple just don't work. (I'm raising my hand here, see?)

And some just need pills.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I totally agree with the concept of not being a victim and turning it into a strength, it's the overuse of the term that's got me rollin' my eyes.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

i tend to think there is a big difference between a victim and a survivor, and it involves more than wordplay, and i am not sure how that is being pc.

Novabreaker said:

Well I don't tell people to think positive or to be happy. I have lived through fucking horrors in my life and my childhood was a nightmare. But my spirit has always been very strong and bright even in my darkest hours. So it isn't for me that I'm faking my way into happiness, many times when I project happiness I am dealing with big problems. But I will not be one of these frowners or downers trying to rain on other peoples parades for no reason. I am not a sour puss and I just like being happy. Believe me, when I need to pout/cry/bitch/get angry, I DO. But I don't let that become my life. who wants to be around that? I don't.

I'm usually a postitive person. But there are people that when I get aroung them they're like a crutch and help me to wallow in negativity.

But I have 3 SIL'S and all 3 of them are broke but yet they won't go out and get a job, and every time I see them they whine about money, and make me feel GUILTY that I'm not as broke as them.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

i second that.

AnotherLoverToo said:

Can you give an example?