When I was in college, I knew a guy who could toss his cookies on command. Being that he was a really obnoxious gutter punk with a huge mohawk and skin like sandpaper, this was a really handy skill for him.

But remembering this guy made me start thinking - I really wish I could pass out on command. That way, when someone gave me some really gross task at my job, I could look at it and just faint on the spot. After I came to, everyone would be concerned about me and I wouldn't have to do the gross job. I might even get to go home for the day!

I saw something on TV about goats that passed out when you tried to pet them. That would be fun too, I guess.

Does anyone have any control over weird bodily functions?




(and yes, I'm aware this may be my best thread idea yet.)

Anx said:

Why don't you just fake it? Some dumbass may think you're having a cardiac arrest and start chest compressions and break your ribs.

i don't know. i like the idea of lending some authenticity to it. did you ever read "choke" by chuck pahladfniuk? it was kind of a similar idea, only he'd choke on food in restaurants for money and attention. i really see this kind of thing as the wave of the future.

Damn, this is totally something different than what I thought...

Can somebody please start a Kliegel Exercises thread, or whatever that is called.

funnily enough i can use my saliva glands under my tongue to spray a fine jet of saliva from my mouth.Not unlike how a python would spray venom.
My twin can do it also.

CaptainChaos said:

"And release."

muirdo said:

i can do that. we called it "gleeking" in grade school.

Anx said:

how many times have you done it since you posted your reply?

muirdo said:

none, because i associate gleeking with fun, and i'm at work, which is the complete epicenter of the opposite of fun.

Why do you want to control your vaginal reactions?

kidelrich said:

captain chaos already beat you to the vajayjayjoke.

Anx said:

I didn't understand what he said, though. I'm taking partial credit on this.

kidelrich said:

THIS time. but i'm putting a small red "X" next to your name all the same.

Anx said:

Anx said:

Noooo, I don't want to be like a Roger Maris homerun record.

kidelrich said:

think of it more like the scarlet letter, only you have to wear a small red "X" that stands for vagina.

and don't question that statement, however flawed it may be, or you get another "X".

worst thread ever .

RIP: vagal reactions ....

SnidelyWhiplash said:

sounds like SOMEone's got some vagal envy issues to work out.

Hey, this was a hilarious thread to read through...definitely not the worst ever.

Anx said:

From http://www.childbirth.org...kegel.html

What is a kegel?

A kegel is the name of a pelvic floor exercise, named after Dr. Kegel who discovered the exercise. These muscles are attached to the pelvic bone and act like a hammock, holding in your pelvic organs. To try and isolate these muscles trying stopping and starting the flow of urine.

How do I do the kegel exercise?

Once you have located the muscles simply tighten and relax the mucsle over and over, about 200 times a day. These are basic kegels. There are many variations on kegels: elevator kegels (Where you tighten slowly, in increments going in and out, like an elevator stopping on several floors.), you can hold the muscle tightened for five seconds, you can bulge the muscles out at the end, and many other variations.


Why would I want to do kegel exercises?

Kegeling provides many benefits:

Conditioned muscles will make birth easier, and your perineum will more likely be intact (fewer tears and episiotomies)
Sexual enjoyment is enhanced for both partners
It can prevent prolapses of pelvic organs
It can help prevent leaking urine when you sneeze or cough

CaptainChaos said:

...i'm starting to feel a little dizzy...

The only weird bodily function I seem to have is the ability to pass out on command.

but what use is that?

I can muster up a fart on cue!

There's sometimes the odd little accident or two though.

Anx said:

http://www.ebaumsworld.co...goats.html

Also kegel exercises can help men to control premature ejaculation

Just something I thought the Captain should know. From what Ive heard.

I always wanted to be able to faint, I have felt so faint that I lost all periperal vision but still stayed conscious

lazycrockett said:

No comment.

Byron said: