Since I fired Admiral, I don't feel like I have anybody to speak for me. Sometimes my thoughts are SO VERY IMPORTANT that I require a spokesperson to reveal them. I need a person who has no ego, is completely subservient to my every whim, and will occasionally give me fully nude yet strictly platonic backrubs. The hired individual should not develop a big head and think they are bigger than the Captain because, as the ladies who have seen me in the altogether would attest, there is NO ONE BIGGER THAN THE CAPTAIN!!!

So anyway, the position pays minimum wage and I need someone immediately. A thorough interview and a full body cavity search may be required.

I forgot to mention the benefits package. There is a dental plan.

How about CorporalImago?

2the9s said:

I definitely need to hire a Private next time. That way he won't outrank me. And I think the word private is funny because if you add an "s" it becomes privates and that's a perfect segue to talk about my package.

CaptainChaos said:

Sweet.

I can already tell this is not going to be a popular thread. Admiral was such a buzz-kill. I don't know why I was ever friends with him. We had nothing in common other than the hookers we hooked up with simultaneously. He never paid his share either. "Captain I left my wallet in my other pants." Yeah whatever.

The new person I hire will have to get their own rent-a-booty.

Paid vacation also included.

Did someone say manservant?

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I'm looking for someone to work under me, like Admiral did.

I think that came out wrong.

No...that sounds right.

The response has been overwhelming. I have already created at least three alternate accounts that can serve in the role.

Just kidding, mods.

(No, I'm not. Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha.)

Must the servant applicants be experts at reacharounds?

kidelrich said:

Not neccessarily experts. I mean if someone still retains amateur status, that's alright.

Actually is there are school for that or anything? Perhaps a book called "Reacharounds for Dummies"?

Judging by my responses lately to various posts (and my entire thread on my man-crush on Brad Pitt) it appears I could so easily be turned right now, sexually speaking.

Alright what hunky gay Orger wants to make CaptainChaos their greatest conquest?