Ok, so uhm, what with all the crap threads here lately i thought one more
sordid sex-thread wouldn't hurt anybody.

So like, last weekend, I got an invite to join in on an orgy. I got said
invite on my datingprofile. Normally I wouldn't be interested anymore in
stuff like that, but given Dook's "have you ever been to an orgy" thread
earlier that week, I thought to myself "why not check it out. even if it
is just for an antropological study or something" lol.

So I asked for details of where, when, how and whom and they gave me the
adress and the time the whole thing was supposed to go down. I called an
hour before and asked a few more questions.

The voice on the other end sounded like Dame Edna on reefer. I pretended
to be very shy and coy and said "listen i'm very shy and coy (lol) and i
have never been to an orgy before so i don't know what to expect and i'm
a little nervous".

We agreed that i was allowed to come over half an hour early just to get
a feel of the place and see if i was comfortable. So I hopped in the car
and drove off. had no problems finding the place, rang the bell and was
buzzed in. As i walked up the apartment stairs i said to myself "oh hell
what am i doing here?" but went on anyway.

Once upstairs i walked down the hall and found the door was already half
ajar, but no one was to be seen. So I just rang the bell regardless as i
was not about to enter a house like that.

Immediately pandemonium went down inside as several voices chirped "aah
just come in, come in, the door is open". So i shouted in reply "well i
can see that but i would still prefer it if someone came to welcome me,
you know". "but we're already naked" the voice replied.



"still, i would rather someone come greet me" i said once more. and an
instant later, a thin tall guy of about 40, tanned so badly he looked
like his skin was crisp, came toward me down the hall with GOLD nipple
piercings and no clothes, but for a pair of pink bunny slippers, lol.



so i thought, oh what the hell and proceded inside. he opened the door to
the livingroom and i stood nailed to the floor. the livingroom, which i
suppose it must have been, looked like a ancient roman whorehouse. there
were plaster ornaments on every inch of the walls and ceiling. there was
a gold diningtable with a cut glass top. vases of fake flowers all round
velvet red curtains, chandeleers, and enough disgustingly vulgar gold or
goldplated ornaments that even Prince would have gasped for breath.

on the couch at the farside of the room, two men sat, naked, one with a
beer in his hand, the other working a laptop. the one with the pinewood
suntan and the black n blond bleached hair minced by means of hello and
chirped "you want a beer? hope you don't mind we already got naked!" as
he walked into the kitchen, swinging his hips so hard i feared he would
knock a gold ornament or two off a pink marble side-table with gilded
feet.

I grinned inwardly and said to myself "perfectly safe. this is going to
be fantastic. i'm gonna laugh my head off tonight".

The owner of the place, the hipswinger, i shall from now on refer to as
Liberace since he never mentioned his name.

I was appointed a richly decorated chair and given a beer and told that
i could 'get in the mood' by watching the pornmovie they had just flung
into the dvd player. Because, since I was early, they hadn't quite been
able to clean out their pet rabbit's cage yet. lmfao.

So i sat on the couch, watching two naked flaming queens clean out their
pet rabbit's cage and give him new sawdust and whatnot as i was just 6
feet away being sat down to watch the most horrendously filthy pornflic
i'd ever clapped eyes on. Meantime the third one was till bussy with his
laptop inviting more and more people to the "party" as he called it.

i downed my beer with a quickness and asked for another. we chatted for
a bit about domestic chores (lol) and they said "why don't you take off
your clothes". i told them i would wait until everyone had arrived, lol.



one by one the rest of the freakshow trickled in. and believe me, it was
a freakshow. first to come up was one of the few half decent ones. a guy
my age who seemed rather normal. came in, took off his clothes and sat
down inbetween those two guys. then they started talking about socks (!)
until the next two came in.

they had driven about 200 miles on their bikes and as soon as they got
inside they sat down on the floor and proceeded to roll joints. asking
us if we wanted some too. i said no thanks. "oh well, more for us" they
chimed. and within minutes they were snugly tucked besides the couch,
puffing away and sending reeferclouds up to the plasterwork cherubs on
the ceiling.



next was an old man of about 70 or older i guess, who had to go into
the kitchen and gasp for air by the open window since his heart nearly
gave out after climbing the stairs up to the second floor, lol. but he
was soon enough back inside screaming for recreational drugs. a shudder
went down my spine as he took of his clothes and danced around the room
in nothing but a leather thong. i saw old man's butt and felt myself
throw up a little bit in my mouth.

so i ran to the toillet and when i got back another three men had been
let into the house. another young one, surprisingly good looking, one
dude that was about 30 but looked like he would fall over and die at a
touch and a dodgy looking dude with a beard like jesus -whom i dubbed
'the terrorist' to myself, cuz that's what he looked like.

"well than, who's gonna start?" said bronze liberace i sat in that
chair and thought "oh goody now it's gonna start" and had to bite my
toungue not to laugh out loud. everyone had their clothes off and one
guy said "hey, he should take off his clothes too!" pointing at me.



but i was persistent in my fake-shyness and just looked at the floor
stuttering, "i will in a bit, i need some more time".

then, somehow the whole joint went nuts and before i knew it everyone
was on the floor (they had layed out blankets, matresses and stuff),
groping each other as i sat in my chair and smoked a cigarette.

after about 10 minutes someone knocked over a bottle of amyll and in
2 seconds the biggest nancy hit the ceiling shouting "oh my god oh
my god oh my god, HE (pointing at me) has a cigarette, and now the
whole place is gonna explode!!!"



once things had calmed down and the amyll had been mopped up they got
down to bussiness again. the old man made noises one could expect to
hear from a dying horse, perhaps. meantime a mobile rang and as he
was being penetrated with what looked like a baseballbat, the owner
of the house (liberace) just groped for his mobile and answered the
phone. roflmao. apparently it was someone who wanted to come to the
orgy as well so he was giving him directions whilst this other dude
was poking that bat up to his midriff, lol.

but as he was talking into the phone, the old man let out a cry and
apparently came -shudder-. the best part of all was that he then
grabbed a doily or something to whipe himself on and as Liberace saw
this he went nuts, cussing the old man out "hey you old corpse, it's
one thing we let you join in, now you have to whipe your sperm all
over my belongings? do you do that at your own place as well? get up
in the morning, have a shit and whipe your crack on the curtains?"

"yes, i'm still here" he blurted into the phone and proceeded with
the directions.



then someone noticed me, still sitting there and i kinda panicked.
i wanted to run for the door first but just in time i noticed the
one guy from the biker duo slumped out with his head on the floor,
completely off his head on those joints. so i just pointed at him
and some people rushed to him to make sure he was ok. fcuz he was
fine, completely spaced out and talking nonsense. but meantime he
did manage to burn a hole into the curtains with the stub, lol.

so for the second time liberace went berzerk and threatened to
throw everyone out. he had to go to the kitchen for a time-out
and it was all very dramatic and just so funny i wanted to die
laughing.

all the while the two best looking guys were having it off on
the sofa and altho they were kind of hot, they were having it
off so incredibly grose and hard that it just made me feel as
if i was watching a carcas being stripped in a slaughterhouse
so there was no more chance of me getting turned on at all at
this point. not that it was meant to anyway since my main goal
was to go there and hope something weird would happen, as it
usually does when i'm around.

yeah, i'm not gonna be a little nun and say that i wouldn't
have tried anything if it had all been gorgeous guys like
in the movies, having steaming hot sex. sure. but the thing
with real life is, as i've known for years, that it's all a
tad to absurd being at a real life orgy. it's just a lot of
flesh and it's usually so domestic and bizarre. especially
if people start talking and stuff.

trust me, if you've never been to an orgy, it's not all it's
cracked up to be. even if it's a bunch of hot people it still
isn't something that turns me on personally anyway. i just
can't help constantly seeing the absurd details everywhere.

plus, you'll have to take your clothes off, in front of all
those strangers



anywho. as everyone was finally really getting into it and
people were groaning and grunting heavily about to reach
their climax, i got up, coughed loudly and said "uhm i am
gonna go now because i don't think i can do this. perhaps
another time".



immediately two others jumped from under the pile of limbs
and chirped "yeah, me too" lol. but as i was already halfway
out the door i didn't wait for what else was being said or
went down.

outside, in front of the building, i saw the two bikers and
the zoned out one was just lying on the pavement asleep as
the other one tried to wake him up. so i walked over to see
what was going on and basically he was just asleep. so the
other guy didn't know what to do since they were both on a
bike and so there was no way this guy could drive. so than
he asked me if i would help him haul the other one back up
to the apartment and ask if they could sleep over, LOL.

i said "i would really love to but my ex is coming over to
drop of the kids tomorrow morning so i have to go get some
sleep now"

and so i quickly walked out the street and into the firts
bar i came across to have a stiff drink




..
[Edited 6/2/06 7:16am]

do i have to read all that? couldn't you just bold the parts with the man action?

That is the funniest thing I have read all day - you poor thing, the old man - everything!!!

Anx said:

there's action everywhere

IstenSzek said:

the part where you said "little nun" was hot.

well clearly i have been missing out. i gotta get me a membership to my datingprofile.

Mach said:

you didn't read it did you

IstenSzek said:

certain semi-extremely obscure fetish communities get off on ill-fated orgy stories posted on prince fan sites. don't be insensitive!

that's a GREAT story!

Thanks for sharing

I don't do drugs.
Orgies are stupid.
Old men naked are a turn off
I hate Versace interiors.

So, when are you coming to Amsterdam again, Isten?
I promise to join you on your round.
I got a leather wristband too, now...

Anx said:

semi-extremely obscure?

wouldn't that just be rather well known?

HamsterHuey said:

good afternoon grumpy



i'm coming back next month or something aren't i?
i can't remember what we arranged with Natisse

and where did you get the leather wristband?

IstenSzek said:

exactly, except it's the opposite of what it sounds like.

Anx said:

stop doing my head in



~pages Llee to borrow foot~

IstenSzek said:

i read the entrie thing word by word

IstenSzek said:

...look into my eyes, look into my eyes, look directly INTO my eyes, don't look away from my eyes...

IstenSzek said:

I ain't grumpy, just tired.



Why NEXT month? THIS month is perfectly fine with me. Come TOMORROW, for all I care!
We can hang without Natisse, hehehe.

I got it from a guy in Anvers.
[Edited 6/2/06 7:50am]

omg!!
That's crazy. And nuts and insane and all sorts of things. What an experience.

WOW!! What a crazy night. Twistedly funny.

It's funny that you say that something weird always happens when you go somewhere. Same here. I love it because then I have great stories to tell.


M

Isten, you are the best.

HamsterHuey said:

Hey you stole my heart! ! Yeah, but not like ya know. Yeah. It's cool I guess.

HamsterHuey said:

i'm going to pinkpop tomorrow so this weekend gaat niet lukken



and i got my examen woensdag dus ik moet nog veel leren -lol..


ps: you should hunt down the Thom Yorke album! it leaked. check
my thread in the non prince forum. i would have sent it to you
but we keep missing each other on msn

Anx said:

There was none!

Crazy Story! I laughed out loud as Liberace scolded the guy with the doilie! Wipe your crack on the curtians! That's Rich! All the while talking on the phone while getting well penetrated!

And yes, Orgies can be like that. Quite domestic. It best to go to ones your friends will recommend...if that's possible. It also depends on the area you live in as well. They can be fun.

july said:

Like there was a trademark attached...

IstenSzek said:

I mean, www.yousendit.com
Insert my address and VOILA, motherfucker.

Yer of course not a mf, but VOILA motherfucker just seems too good not to type. Try saying it hardop; VOILA, motherfucker.

With mucho disdain, svp.

Really!

I just discovered that threads about orgies are what this forum needs. All the other bs is so utterly depressing.

I just needed some golden nipple piericng rings to keep me sufficiently entertained. Thanks you, Isten. For comic relief and utter brilliance.

What did you keep back about saturdaynight, when you were here? Uhmmm?

HamsterHuey said:

gotdammit turn on your man

motherfucker