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Printablemadartista said: Richard --
It is so going to come for you. You really are on the cusp of something big. And those are times when it does really suck to be alone. I've been there too, and I'm there now. Your capability to love and show compassion is phenomenal and you are gifted greatly by that. And all great gifts also carry great responsibility. It is very necessary for you to put yourself first, in a soulful way. You can't do what you are here to do if you don't take care of yourself. Removing yourself from a relationship that doesn't serve you is a great way of telling the universe that you really do value yourself, and that you really are ready to have a partner who can give you what you need on a full-time basis. It comes when and where you least expect it. I know you and I know you will have it all. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Thank you for saying so beautifully what I was feeling. "It is very necessary for you to put yourself first, in a soulful way." Richard, listen to this man.  oh noes, prince is gonna soo me!!1! | |
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And Richard. . . you know I understand. I truly, honestly, and deeply believe that nobody will ever really understand me and love me like I love them. I accept it as a reality of life. Most days that's fine, and some days it's the blackest feeling there is.
The pain reminds us that we're alive, and capable of feelig deeply, and that's such a precious thing in a big, cold universe. I love you. oh noes, prince is gonna soo me!!1! | |
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HereToRockYourWorld said: And Richard. . . you know I understand. I truly, honestly, and deeply believe that nobody will ever really understand me and love me like I love them. I accept it as a reality of life. Most days that's fine, and some days it's the blackest feeling there is.
The pain reminds us that we're alive, and capable of feeling deeply, and that's such a precious thing in a big, cold universe. I love you. Thanks....I needed to hear that, too!  "Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive."
Dalai Lama | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: Without going into nasty details, my love life has always been a train wreck. I have only ever been stabbed in the heart by the people I have loved. Sometimes it is so discouraging to me, because love is so important to me.
I'm not really looking for sympathy or advice, just want to get that off my chest. has anyone out there really suffered for love and eventually found the real deal? Today I feel like it's never really going to happen for me   | |
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cubic61052 said: HereToRockYourWorld said: And Richard. . . you know I understand. I truly, honestly, and deeply believe that nobody will ever really understand me and love me like I love them. I accept it as a reality of life. Most days that's fine, and some days it's the blackest feeling there is.
The pain reminds us that we're alive, and capable of feeling deeply, and that's such a precious thing in a big, cold universe. I love you. Thanks....I needed to hear that, too!  oh noes, prince is gonna soo me!!1! | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: You know, I'm really at this apex right now.....a crossroads of sorts. I have spent the last year and a half experience major personal growth from an article I wrote about my experience with domestic abuse and the last year have been full of losses and tragedies and in my growth I have reached a point of forgiveness and then you add to the mix my cousin's murder and everything that brings. Right now I'm pursuing becoming a counselor for gay youth and hopefully helping in abuse services. My life is leading me in this direction and it just really hurts not to have that someone special to turn to and share all this with. I guess I kind of feel scared because I feel like I'm standing alone in all this, and that is not to discount the strength I draw from my friends. Without them I would truly be sunk
 It's just that extra thing.....you know?
By the weekend I'll feel fine but for now I guess I just need to cry it out of me Some months ago, you gave me advice about a personal problem. You just sent me a short message and everything is now okay. for that I thank you deeply. You should always remember that you need to relax. Try to get time away from all the stress, even for a few moments. Thinking about it constantly can be exhausting. Every day you should make time just to treat yourself well. Maintaining good health during stressful times is paramount. | |
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slm4m said: SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: You know, I'm really at this apex right now.....a crossroads of sorts. I have spent the last year and a half experience major personal growth from an article I wrote about my experience with domestic abuse and the last year have been full of losses and tragedies and in my growth I have reached a point of forgiveness and then you add to the mix my cousin's murder and everything that brings. Right now I'm pursuing becoming a counselor for gay youth and hopefully helping in abuse services. My life is leading me in this direction and it just really hurts not to have that someone special to turn to and share all this with. I guess I kind of feel scared because I feel like I'm standing alone in all this, and that is not to discount the strength I draw from my friends. Without them I would truly be sunk
It's just that extra thing.....you know?
By the weekend I'll feel fine but for now I guess I just need to cry it out of me Some months ago, you gave me advice about a personal problem. You just sent me a short message and everything is now okay. for that I thank you deeply. You know, there was a time when he totally tossed me a lifeline, and I'm still not sure he understands how much it mattered. I'm sure he's been a friend to countless people in ways that most of us will never even know about. I can't stand to believe that a person who puts that kind of love out into the world won't have it come back eventually. oh noes, prince is gonna soo me!!1! | |
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HereToRockYourWorld said: I'm sure he's been a friend to countless people in ways that most of us will never even know about.
I can't stand to believe that a person who puts that kind of love out into the world won't have it come back eventually.  and http://elmadartista.tumblr.com/ http://twitter.com/madartista | |
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This place is the freakiest flamin' place, I tell ya.
I don't know how other people, across the globe, manage to perfectly encapsulate my thoughts and feelings or state of mind all the damn time. Stop reading my mind!
Richard, I hear you. And many, many others who have posted on this thread. I can't really post properly as I'm leaving the office but - and this is addressed to everyone - if your real life selves are a fraction of how you come across online, you must be really beautiful people. And I don't say that to suck-up, or kiss ass, or to be schmaltzy. This place is full of so many wonderful, funny, sensitive, intelligent, generous souls, you included Richard. And I'm sure that that special someone will notice your special attributes in time. Until then, be happy with who you are, be proud of who you are and be thankful for the love that your friends and family give you - they realise how special you are. 
That doesn't solve the actual issue, maybe, but we all go through times like this. You're not alone. But it helps to remember that there are people out there who love and appreciate you just the way you are. And you can't buy that sort of thing. 
Have a great weekend and I'll catch up with you soon.  | |
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Prayin' for you, bruh. Now's such a time for me, too.
My sole encouragement is the fact that God often uses these places and periods of disappointment to speak to us, draw us close and heal us. Hang in there, OK? | |
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Last night I went to dinner to meet PurpleKisses, Finesse (and family) and TheAudience. Later Finesse, Audience and I were talking shop on music. Finesse brought up one of my most favorite songs ever and I went off on that tangent for a minute. He mentioned "Stay This Way" by Brand New Heavies and it reminded me of how I first was introduced to this band. It was in the very early 90s and I had gone to visit my friend Blake and when I went to leave he handed me this tape and said I think you will really like this band. I never gave the tape back
I thought of the song Finesse mentioned..... Living with you, in my life Is like feeling the whole world's on my side Putting a smile in the place, where a tear used to run down my face Feeling the sun on my head, where a cloud used to follow instead Singing a song in my heart, in a place where all my troubles depart If our dreams fall back on the ground, then we'll make them fly. Let the rain keep falling on down, cuz baby I'm high I think we'll fly, now that we're together Love is so high.....stay this way forever That approach, like there is ultimate hope, is one of the reasons this is one of my favorite bands of all time. When I first heard this song I truly connected with those lyrics and this was before I went to hell with Paul. And it hurt me so much to think back on how alive and how vital this song was for my spirit and then how I ended up living in hell not too long after discovering that song. And now, something that started out as my salvation has become just another pile of rags to throw on the fire. I have a mix titled "Desperate Kingdom of Love" and I think that describes my situation perfectly But I still believe in those lyrics above and feel them in my heart. I want that so bad My current situation is not good for me, I know this. And Melissa, I really love the way you put it. Because most days I am fine with the fact that I will probably always be in a position of eclipsing those I'm involved with in my ability to love and connect....but yesterday was the darkest I've felt about it in quite a while. It can be the darkest feeling.....
And you know, last night when I went home and I was thinking about this song and about how here I am in a place I've been before and a place I desperately want to abandon for ever.....and I cried and realized exactly what you said. All the pain in my heart is a reminder that I am alive and that I have an ability that serves me well. I just have to know how to harness it and use it for my benefit instead of just wasting it on those who don't deserve it. Thank you everyone for your encouragement and for all the notes. You're helping me on my journey more than you know..... 
. [Edited 5/26/06 15:22pm] 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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 Oops.[Edited 5/26/06 11:55am] | |
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CalhounSq said: Supa, my love
 I saw this earlier but wanted to respond when I had more time... not that I have anything profound to say erm, but still 
NEVER SETTLE... like you said before, you end up feeling more alone when you're with somebody than you do when you're alone. I haven't been in a relationship in YEARS. And the longterm relationships I did have were ones where I settled, felt more alone w/ them than I did without, just waited around for the relationship to die... wasted time! I've decided I will never (in my right mind) settle again in the relationship arena, it can be too damaging. Sometimes I wonder if I'll end up still alone 10 or 15 years from now but I just can't bring myself to believe it - I'm a good person, decent sense of humor & I'm fucking cute!! Guys could do worse  I'll let one of them catch me one of these days 
You're a wonderful person with a huge heart. You will find someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved, know that. But the meantime isn't kind to any of us  We all have our days, I was depressed over the same issue just a few weeks ago. Sometimes I see couples on the street & think, "WTF happened here??" I don't have that one person to whisper shit to in the middle of the night - what I'm afraid about, what made me laugh today... Nobody to "validate" me - I'm working on needing that, but sometimes I think it's something we just crave for whatever reason...
The empty feelings about it come & go, new love will come into your life when it's meant to. You just gotta hang on to YOU, love YOU - that's bound to attract them by the dozens, but be selective about what YOU want & never settle b/c you're worth so much more. I'm still working on all this stuff myself but honestly the alone time is doing me good right now... except when I get horny, but that's another story... 
When you're in a more joyful place, put on MeShell's "Love Song #3" - it induces smiles when you're in the right mindset
MeShell edit 
[Edited 5/26/06 5:06am] Cali, it makes me feel so good to hear from you on this
And that is my favorite song on Comfort Woman!  2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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Thinking of you.... | |
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Let me keep it short.
Supa, I know the feeling and it's very sad to realize I'm having the same thoughts on this over and over again. Still, there's something in the back of my head that keeps whispering 'good love', 'true love' really exists, but maybe not in the unaffected way I thought of it as a child, that wanted to be someone's princess. But it's there, and you'll find it, not one day, not in one direction, but you'll find it around you. When I hear the music of your beautiful heart, I think it's already there, surrounding you, radiating from your core. The cherry is not yet there, but it will be, one day. Love ya. | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: CalhounSq said: Supa, my love
I saw this earlier but wanted to respond when I had more time... not that I have anything profound to say erm, but still
NEVER SETTLE... like you said before, you end up feeling more alone when you're with somebody than you do when you're alone. I haven't been in a relationship in YEARS. And the longterm relationships I did have were ones where I settled, felt more alone w/ them than I did without, just waited around for the relationship to die... wasted time! I've decided I will never (in my right mind) settle again in the relationship arena, it can be too damaging. Sometimes I wonder if I'll end up still alone 10 or 15 years from now but I just can't bring myself to believe it - I'm a good person, decent sense of humor & I'm fucking cute!! Guys could do worse I'll let one of them catch me one of these days
You're a wonderful person with a huge heart. You will find someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved, know that. But the meantime isn't kind to any of us We all have our days, I was depressed over the same issue just a few weeks ago. Sometimes I see couples on the street & think, "WTF happened here??" I don't have that one person to whisper shit to in the middle of the night - what I'm afraid about, what made me laugh today... Nobody to "validate" me - I'm working on needing that, but sometimes I think it's something we just crave for whatever reason...
The empty feelings about it come & go, new love will come into your life when it's meant to. You just gotta hang on to YOU, love YOU - that's bound to attract them by the dozens, but be selective about what YOU want & never settle b/c you're worth so much more. I'm still working on all this stuff myself but honestly the alone time is doing me good right now... except when I get horny, but that's another story...
When you're in a more joyful place, put on MeShell's "Love Song #3" - it induces smiles when you're in the right mindset
MeShell edit
[Edited 5/26/06 5:06am] Cali, it makes me feel so good to hear from you on this
And that is my favorite song on Comfort Woman!    I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: Most of the time I can deal with it just fine. I have been alone most of my life. But just sometimes it really gets to me. Today it did.
That's precisely why there is going to be a light at the end of that particularly dreary tunnel. That terrible feeling seldom lasts for too long. Tomorrow is another day. . "You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person." | |
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You know what really freaks me out in all this. I am not the type of person that runs into a relationship to escape another. I am actually mental about this. I don't want to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons and to me, clinging onto someone after a failure is not the right way to handle things. But I'm also afraid that I might be pushing away that *special* someone. I want to believe that fate would not allow that to happen. 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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Come with me my friend to a better place:
You'll find fine, upstanding, patriotic men loyal to our Commander In Chief. “In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant, ... One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'” | |
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OK, first Spats and Stephen Colberts pushing this apostate group. Should I just kill myself now? 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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StephenColbert said: Come with me my friend to a better place:
You'll find fine, upstanding, patriotic men loyal to our Commander In Chief. No!!!!! *miguelrunningoffintothenight* M MyeternalgrattitudetoPhil&Val.Herman said "We want sweaty truckers at the truck stop! We want cigar puffing men that look like they wanna beat the living daylights out of us" Val"sporking is spooning with benefits" | |
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Supa you're the best, I'm sure you'll find the man of your dreams soon. At least you'd better cos if you can't then there's absolutely no fuckin hope of me getting mine!
IstenSzek said: after 8 years and counting, hoping to find an equally divided love
where you love each other on an almost equal plateau, i have just recently decided to give up.  Some people are like Slinkies...
They're good for nothing but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. | |
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xenon said: Supa you're the best, I'm sure you'll find the man of your dreams soon. At least you'd better cos if you can't then there's absolutely no fuckin hope of me getting mine!
IstenSzek said: after 8 years and counting, hoping to find an equally divided love
where you love each other on an almost equal plateau, i have just recently decided to give up. Well I will keep you in mind when looking for that special man 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: xenon said: Supa you're the best, I'm sure you'll find the man of your dreams soon. At least you'd better cos if you can't then there's absolutely no fuckin hope of me getting mine!
Well I will keep you in mind when looking for that special man  Some people are like Slinkies...
They're good for nothing but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. | |
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Supa, you haven't been paying attention. How many people on this site has said the samething, then next thing you know they are writing mushy threads about how great their sweetie is? Hang in there, you never know what's around the corner. No More Haters on the Internet. | |
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Natsume said: I suffer for love every day and I don't feel like I am any closer to it.
and a big to you too.Some people are like Slinkies...
They're good for nothing but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. | |
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littlemissG said:
Supa, you haven't been paying attention. How many people on this site has said the samething, then next thing you know they are writing mushy threads about how great their sweetie is? Hang in there, you never know what's around the corner. Is there a mushy thread in my future? I sure hope so
2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: You know what really freaks me out in all this. I am not the type of person that runs into a relationship to escape another. I am actually mental about this. I don't want to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons and to me, clinging onto someone after a failure is not the right way to handle things. But I'm also afraid that I might be pushing away that *special* someone. I want to believe that fate would not allow that to happen.
I can so relate to what you are saying sweetheart- I feel the same way.. Everyone keeps telling me that I should not rush into anything serious after my divorce. I get really sick of hearing that.. what is the proper amount of time to wait.. If you have been in a meaningless relationship for a long time and not having your needs met- are you supposed to push away love because others feel it is too soon?? What is the proper amount of time to wait?? I just let my heart decide... I am one if I feel love- I cannot pass it up or at least go for it and see what will happen. I wish you happiness in the future - YOU are a GIFT!!! | |
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shanti0608 said: SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: You know what really freaks me out in all this. I am not the type of person that runs into a relationship to escape another. I am actually mental about this. I don't want to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons and to me, clinging onto someone after a failure is not the right way to handle things. But I'm also afraid that I might be pushing away that *special* someone. I want to believe that fate would not allow that to happen.
I can so relate to what you are saying sweetheart- I feel the same way.. Everyone keeps telling me that I should not rush into anything serious after my divorce. I get really sick of hearing that.. what is the proper amount of time to wait.. If you have been in a meaningless relationship for a long time and not having your needs met- are you supposed to push away love because others feel it is too soon?? What is the proper amount of time to wait?? I just let my heart decide... I am one if I feel love- I cannot pass it up or at least go for it and see what will happen. I wish you happiness in the future - YOU are a GIFT!!! Thank you my sweet love I really do believe I have to rely on my heart and I have to remain open even though I feel very unresolved right now. I love you Val 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: shanti0608 said: I can so relate to what you are saying sweetheart- I feel the same way.. Everyone keeps telling me that I should not rush into anything serious after my divorce. I get really sick of hearing that.. what is the proper amount of time to wait.. If you have been in a meaningless relationship for a long time and not having your needs met- are you supposed to push away love because others feel it is too soon?? What is the proper amount of time to wait?? I just let my heart decide... I am one if I feel love- I cannot pass it up. I have to at least go for it and see what will happen. I wish you happiness in the future - YOU are a GIFT!!! Thank you my sweet love I really do believe I have to rely on my heart and I have to remain open even though I feel very unresolved right now. I love you Val I love you too
You are a special dear friend to me and like I told you in the orgnote- you can call anytime!! Love is hard and it can suck sometimes but we both know when it is real and when it is right- it is the best feeling in the world..  | |
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