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PrintableHi.
I can relate on so many levels. It sounds to me as though you are choosing the same type of partner, unfortunately, those that aren't good for you. Working on yourself and filling the void, as StarKitty said, is wonderful for personal growth and fills the soul like none other, but beyond that, sometimes we need to deal with past relationships we've had in our lives that has left a great impact upon us. Whether it's a past lover or a parent. Transference I think is the term. Where we keep choosing the same type of partner as someone who hurt us or meant a great deal to us in the past, but more than likely wasn't a healthy relationship for us. Until we come to terms with that past relationship we tend to keep on choosing those same types of people to love and they most always end in our getting hurt again. Loving that you're working on your personal growth and your desire to become a counselor to gay youths! Think back in your past on a very important relationship that you've had with a family member (usually our dad or mom) and try to find the correlation among that relationship and those that you've chosen as partners in your life. It's usually someone that you've loved dearly but didn't feel the love back in the way you wanted. We then seek out those same types of people that hold the same characteristics as that person and, in the end, we get what we got the first time around. Deal with those issues and keep it in the past and we usually find that we start seeking out something new in those that we are attracted to. Love is bound to follow. I've dealt with this for years and finally came to terms with my transference. You'd be amazed at what you end up looking for when you close that door on the past. Wishing you the best in all that life brings your way! . [Edited 5/25/06 17:48pm] | |
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Your post reminded me of this:
"Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." - Rose Walker, from 'Sandman: The Kindly Ones' by Neil Gaiman But then, this: "There is no remedy for love but to love more." - Henry David Thoreau You will have dark days such as today, where you'll question and wonder and feel hopeless and frustrated. Then tomorrow will come, and with it all the new potential inherent to every single day you are alive -- tomorrow might be that day where you meet that person for whom you've been waiting...and who has been waiting to finally meet you. I don't know you well, but I've come to know you well enough to recognize what a wonderful, giving, kind person you are and to see the many on this site whom you have touched with your friendship. People such as you aren't destined to be alone, or to go through life without ever finding real love, I truly believe that. You'll find your Golden Ticket.  | |
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Mazurack said: Hi.
I can relate on so many levels. It sounds to me as though you are choosing the same type of partner, unfortunately, those that aren't good for you. Working on yourself and filling the void, as StarKitty said, is wonderful for personal growth and fills the soul like none other, but beyond that, sometimes we need to deal with past relationships we've had in our lives that has left a great impact upon us. Whether it's a past lover or a parent. Transference I think is the term. Where we keep choosing the same type of partner as someone who hurt us or meant a great deal to us in the past, but more than likely wasn't a healthy relationship for us. Until we come to terms with that past relationship we tend to keep on choosing those same types of people to love and they most always end in our getting hurt again. Loving that you're working on your personal growth and your desire to become a counselor to gay youths! Think back in your past on a very important relationship that you've had with a family member (usually our dad or mom) and try to find the correlation among that relationship and those that you've chosen as partners in your life. It's usually someone that you've loved dearly but didn't feel the love back in the way you wanted. We then seek out those same types of people that hold the same characteristics as that person and in the end, we get what we got the first time around. Deal with those issues and keep it in the past and we usually find that we start seeking out something new in those that we are attracted to. Love is bound to follow. I've dealt with this for years and finally came to terms with my transference. You'd be amazed at what you end up looking for when you close that door on the past. Wishing you the best in all that life brings your way! Thank you  In case you weren't aware, I had an abusive relationship and I wrote all about that here:
http://www.prince.org/msg/100/114206 My current partner isn't abusive like Paul was. But I know that this isn't healthy for me and I know it has to do with why I'm settling. I'm trying so hard to work on myself in that area. I need to be better so that I can truly truly help others. I know this. 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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WillyWonka said: Your post reminded me of this:
"Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." - Rose Walker, from 'Sandman: The Kindly Ones' by Neil Gaiman But then, this: "There is no remedy for love but to love more." - Henry David Thoreau You will have dark days such as today, where you'll question and wonder and feel hopeless and frustrated. Then tomorrow will come, and with it all the new potential inherent to every single day you are alive -- tomorrow might be that day where you meet that person for whom you've been waiting...and who has been waiting to finally meet you. I don't know you well, but I've come to know you well enough to recognize what a wonderful, giving, kind person you are and to see the many on this site whom you have touched with your friendship. People such as you aren't destined to be alone, or to go through life without ever finding real love, I truly believe that. You'll find your Golden Ticket. Can you tell me which chocolate bar to buy?
thank you wonksters  2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: Mazurack said: Hi.
I can relate on so many levels. It sounds to me as though you are choosing the same type of partner, unfortunately, those that aren't good for you. Working on yourself and filling the void, as StarKitty said, is wonderful for personal growth and fills the soul like none other, but beyond that, sometimes we need to deal with past relationships we've had in our lives that has left a great impact upon us. Whether it's a past lover or a parent. Transference I think is the term. Where we keep choosing the same type of partner as someone who hurt us or meant a great deal to us in the past, but more than likely wasn't a healthy relationship for us. Until we come to terms with that past relationship we tend to keep on choosing those same types of people to love and they most always end in our getting hurt again. Loving that you're working on your personal growth and your desire to become a counselor to gay youths! Think back in your past on a very important relationship that you've had with a family member (usually our dad or mom) and try to find the correlation among that relationship and those that you've chosen as partners in your life. It's usually someone that you've loved dearly but didn't feel the love back in the way you wanted. We then seek out those same types of people that hold the same characteristics as that person and in the end, we get what we got the first time around. Deal with those issues and keep it in the past and we usually find that we start seeking out something new in those that we are attracted to. Love is bound to follow. I've dealt with this for years and finally came to terms with my transference. You'd be amazed at what you end up looking for when you close that door on the past. Wishing you the best in all that life brings your way! Thank you In case you weren't aware, I had an abusive relationship and I wrote all about that here:
http://www.prince.org/msg/100/114206 My current partner isn't abusive like Paul was. But I know that this isn't healthy for me and I know it has to do with why I'm settling. I'm trying so hard to work on myself in that area. I need to be better so that I can truly truly help others. I know this. No, you need to close the door on that, fully, so that you can be free of it and move forward! You already help others, more than even you realize, I think. And, by being fully aware, as you are, I've no doubt of your capabilities to help those in a program, based on your own experiences in your life. Don't look at it as settling. Maybe you're trying to heal a part of yourself that will never heal until you stop the cycle and deal with the past and be done with it. This may not even be the case with you, I'm just basing my opinion on what you've shared here and in the past. In any case, don't get too down on yourself. You've got an abundance of love to share in that big heart of yours and just as much sent your way, every day, from friends and family who truly love and care about you. That other kind of love will come your way, of that there's no doubt! Damnit. [Edited 5/25/06 18:11pm] | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: nakedpianoplayer said: i love you
does that help ? Can I borrow your She-Ra sword?
i tell you what baby.... as hot as you are.... i'll give you my She-Ra sword for the night, if i can borrow YOUR sword 
deal ? One of the best days of my life... http://prince.org/msg/100/291111
love is a gift 
an artist with no fans is really just a man with a hobby.... | |
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Just signing this thread like a guestbook.
Me too.-Cinister Cee | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: Can you tell me which chocolate bar to buy?
thank you wonksters Golden Tickets don't work that way.
Part of the magic of the ticket is in the excitement and anticipation of the search. Keep buying the candy for the joy the taste of it brings; don't ruin the pleasure by searching too diligently for an ultimate prize. Your ticket will appear in good time, and at the right time, in the right bar of chocolate for you.  | |
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For myself, I am already resigned to this fact. I had a connection with someone once. I lost it. It is very painful to remember, because you feel like that very rarely in life. Maybe it only happens once, I don't know. It is tough to make another attempt because nothing else compares. I don't really date for this reason. It's hard to get up the will to bother.
I know you will find love in life because you truly deserve it, Supa. | |
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Isn't it funny how "the right time" is also when people "least expect it"?  I've heard that so many times, but it just hasn't happened.
 The Smiths "Last Night I Dreamed That Somebody Loved Me" | |
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Richard-
I think there's so many ppl here that can relate to your pain. We are all here for you sweetheart.. When the time is truly right and when you need it the most- you will find someone who loves you and who is willing to give you 100 % - just like you give to them. Please do not settle for 25% - I settled and that is how I ended up being in this relationship with my husband for 10 yrs. I convinced my self that I could give even more to make up for what I was not getting. I do not look at it like I wasted 10 yrs- I have just decided to take a long hard look at myself and figure out what I need to do to be happy finally. One thing is that I cannot settle- I deserve someone wonderful and so do you. We will find it hon- when it is time- we will find it or it will find us. Until then, continue to work on yourself- take care of yourself and know that you are special. As a dear friend tells me everyday: YOU ARE A GIFT!! Don't forget it!!! | |
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CinisterCee said: Isn't it funny how "the right time" is also when people "least expect it"?
I've heard that so many times, but it just hasn't happened.
The Smiths "Last Night I Dreamed That Somebody Loved Me"I agree. That is such bullshit. | |
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VoicesCarry said: CinisterCee said: Isn't it funny how "the right time" is also when people "least expect it"?
I've heard that so many times, but it just hasn't happened.
The Smiths "Last Night I Dreamed That Somebody Loved Me"I agree. That is such bullshit. Happened for me. To Supa: I don't believe love is something you can force. It truly does come in time. You have a good heart. It'll happen. Now get your ass in the car and meet me at "Mickey's Place"! 
tA  Tribal Disorder
http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431 "Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all." | |
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Okay, enuff of this kind of talk, Supa.
Some of the greatest minds & hearts thru-out history have said that the concept of love is like the concept of gifts. It is always better to give than to recieve. Which, judging from all your posts that I've read since joining, you would be more than capable of. I know that you're only venting, but that which we exercise the most gets stronger. You said that you know who you are & I believe you. IMO, that's all you need to ever worry about. Being true to you. And that will always provide what you need at that moment in your life. Another reason that love is like a gift is that the best ones are the ones you don't expect. When you don't worry 'bout it, it tends to come when you least expect it. And then you find yourself with a greater appreciation for the 'present'. Besides, in this day & age, there's always porn available. When my gf is off visiting her parents, that's what keeps me warm at night. And it never talks back to me, especially with the volume turned down. //Enjoy the Now edit. [Edited 5/25/06 19:30pm] | |
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Illustrator said: Some of the greatest minds & hearts thru-out history have said that the concept of love is like the concept of gifts.
It is always better to give than to recieve. "In the end the love you take is equal to the love you make" | |
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CinisterCee said: Illustrator said: Some of the greatest minds & hearts thru-out history have said that the concept of love is like the concept of gifts.
It is always better to give than to recieve. "In the end the love you take is equal to the love you make" my quote was better | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: Without going into nasty details, my love life has always been a train wreck. I have only ever been stabbed in the heart by the people I have loved. Sometimes it is so discouraging to me, because love is so important to me.
I'm not really looking for sympathy or advice, just want to get that off my chest. has anyone out there really suffered for love and eventually found the real deal? Today I feel like it's never really going to happen for me  Well, I was in the same boat. I had gone through a couple of disappointing relationshiops. So I just took a break from dating. I just thought that I would just have to go it alone. Or maybe I just quit trying so hard to make something work. Well, anyway, I went to some friends' wedding BY MYSELF, and I was walking up, but couldn't find exactly where it was going to take place. ( They had this real informal, non-church wedding at their apartment complex partyroom.) There was this cute guy walking outside, so I asked him if I was in the right place. Supa, it was really love at first. I'm telling ya. I knew I would marry him. It's the weirdest thing. We dated for three years, then got married. I never even doubted that we would. He's really the love of my life--just like you read about. I'm not even romanticizing or anything. It's so weird because I had just given-up. Then there he was. It's trite, I know, but I'm telling ya that love often finds you when you're not looking for it. That's how it worked-out for me. You're a great guy AND a cutie. It will happen for you. It's just a matter of time. 
P.S. You've got lots of friends here, and I'm sure in real life, too. I agree with everyone else, you will NEVER be alone. But I'm confident, SURE that love is gonna find you Supa. It will when you least expect it. [Edited 5/25/06 19:55pm] | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: You know, I'm really at this apex right now.....a crossroads of sorts. I have spent the last year and a half experience major personal growth from an article I wrote about my experience with domestic abuse and the last year have been full of losses and tragedies and in my growth I have reached a point of forgiveness and then you add to the mix my cousin's murder and everything that brings. Right now I'm pursuing becoming a counselor for gay youth and hopefully helping in abuse services. My life is leading me in this direction and it just really hurts not to have that someone special to turn to and share all this with. I guess I kind of feel scared because I feel like I'm standing alone in all this, and that is not to discount the strength I draw from my friends. Without them I would truly be sunk
 It's just that extra thing.....you know?
By the weekend I'll feel fine but for now I guess I just need to cry it out of me Honey...you're never alone...you know that. I know there is a part of you that hurts...but, I hope knowing how much you are loved in this world helps you overcome that. I love you with all my heart. | |
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i can't give you any pointers because i am in a wierd place right now too. I can say that some Al-Anon meetings started making me feel much better about myself. I am a good person and so are you. Work on YOU. And then you will find someone who deserves you. Let go, let God and it will hit you when you least expect it. You have to believe it.
  ---------------------------------
 Funny and charming as usual | |
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I'll shag ya! | |
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Richard --
It is so going to come for you. You really are on the cusp of something big. And those are times when it does really suck to be alone. I've been there too, and I'm there now. Your capability to love and show compassion is phenomenal and you are gifted greatly by that. And all great gifts also carry great responsibility. It is very necessary for you to put yourself first, in a soulful way. You can't do what you are here to do if you don't take care of yourself. Removing yourself from a relationship that doesn't serve you is a great way of telling the universe that you really do value yourself, and that you really are ready to have a partner who can give you what you need on a full-time basis. It comes when and where you least expect it. I know you and I know you will have it all. http://elmadartista.tumblr.com/ http://twitter.com/madartista | |
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Why do you have to fall in love with someone or someone fall in love with you??? I have only been in love once and that was with my first girlfriend. Has not happened since and i don't see it happening anytime soon. So what. It has not hurt me in anyway.
And love is really, really, really hard to find even for people who do not have the issues you do so don't worry about it. | |
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Richard! I love you and as so many ppl allready said..don't try too hard, things will come your way and you are loved by so many ppl (i know you are!)
I love you (and yes if i had a  you were mine )
Love you! Stay positive!
Petra [Edited 5/26/06 0:22am] | |
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You will be loved the way you want. Put it out there - let it go... and in the meantime, stay centered and love yourself the way you want to be loved. XOXOXO VOTE....EARLY | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: Without going into nasty details, my love life has always been a train wreck. I have only ever been stabbed in the heart by the people I have loved. Sometimes it is so discouraging to me, because love is so important to me.
I'm not really looking for sympathy or advice, just want to get that off my chest. has anyone out there really suffered for love and eventually found the real deal? Today I feel like it's never really going to happen for me  hon I SO feel you on this... I'm 30 years old and have never had even a slight relationship or anyone interested in me so I totally know where you're coming from
you are an amazing person Richard and Karma will make sure you and the man of your dreams find each other one day and that you are the man of HIS dreams too  you deserve nothing less than the best and it will happen for you hon
| |
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Imago said: Anybody how doesn't see you for the wonderful catch that you are, is a total moron undeserving of your time.
....just in the few conversation's I have had with Richard...it his obvious how wonderful he is and what a huge impact and impression he makes.... to u Supa | |
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althom said: I'll shag ya!
He's not desperate!!!   | |
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I think everyone has felt this way at some point. Hang in there & stay happy & proud. Happiness & being loved will inevitably come your way soon. | |
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Supa, my love I saw this earlier but wanted to respond when I had more time... not that I have anything profound to say erm, but still
NEVER SETTLE... like you said before, you end up feeling more alone when you're with somebody than you do when you're alone. I haven't been in a relationship in YEARS. And the longterm relationships I did have were ones where I settled, felt more alone w/ them than I did without, just waited around for the relationship to die... wasted time! I've decided I will never (in my right mind) settle again in the relationship arena, it can be too damaging. Sometimes I wonder if I'll end up still alone 10 or 15 years from now but I just can't bring myself to believe it - I'm a good person, decent sense of humor & I'm fucking cute!! Guys could do worse  I'll let one of them catch me one of these days
You're a wonderful person with a huge heart. You will find someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved, know that. But the meantime isn't kind to any of us  We all have our days, I was depressed over the same issue just a few weeks ago. Sometimes I see couples on the street & think, "WTF happened here??" I don't have that one person to whisper shit to in the middle of the night - what I'm afraid about, what made me laugh today... Nobody to "validate" me - I'm working on needing that, but sometimes I think it's something we just crave for whatever reason...
The empty feelings about it come & go, new love will come into your life when it's meant to. You just gotta hang on to YOU, love YOU - that's bound to attract them by the dozens, but be selective about what YOU want & never settle b/c you're worth so much more. I'm still working on all this stuff myself but honestly the alone time is doing me good right now... except when I get horny, but that's another story...
When you're in a more joyful place, put on MeShell's "Love Song #3" - it induces smiles when you're in the right mindset
MeShell edit [Edited 5/26/06 5:06am]  I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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CalhounSq said: Supa, my love
I saw this earlier but wanted to respond when I had more time... not that I have anything profound to say erm, but still
NEVER SETTLE... like you said before, you end up feeling more alone when you're with somebody than you do when you're alone. I haven't been in a relationship in YEARS. And the longterm relationships I did have were ones where I settled, felt more alone w/ them than I did without, just waited around for the relationship to die... wasted time! I've decided I will never (in my right mind) settle again in the relationship arena, it can be too damaging. Sometimes I wonder if I'll end up still alone 10 or 15 years from now but I just can't bring myself to believe it - I'm a good person, decent sense of humor & I'm fucking cute!! Guys could do worse I'll let one of them catch me one of these days
You're a wonderful person with a huge heart. You will find someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved, know that. But the meantime isn't kind to any of us We all have our days, I was depressed over the same issue just a few weeks ago. Sometimes I see couples on the street & think, "WTF happened here??" I don't have that one person to whisper shit to in the middle of the night - what I'm afraid about, what made me laugh today... Nobody to "validate" me - I'm working on needing that, but sometimes I think it's something we just crave for whatever reason...
The empty feelings about it come & go, new love will come into your life when it's meant to. You just gotta hang on to YOU, love YOU - that's bound to attract them by the dozens, but be selective about what YOU want & never settle b/c you're worth so much more. I'm still working on all this stuff myself but honestly the alone time is doing me good right now... except when I get horny, but that's another story...
When you're in a more joyful place, put on MeShell's "Love Song #3" - it induces smiles when you're in the right mindset
MeShell edit
[Edited 5/26/06 5:06am] I agree wholeheartedly....love yourself first. And be realistic: there are those of us for whom it may never happen. It needs to be natural. I thought I had been blessed with the love of my lifetime, as the love I felt for another person for the last almost three years felt natural to me and he told me he was in love with me in return, only to find out I was insignificant to him and "just one in his harem". I was tossed away like a disposable cup, while he laughed about it and made disparaging and false remarks about me to others. BUT: If you are going to love, you also have to trust like I did. Unfortunately, sometimes it can turn around and bite you in the ass. Be careful. Some people believe they are not a whole person without someone on their arm. I was raised to desire companionship and partnership: someone to walk beside me in life, not in front of me or behind me. I see couples together laughing and enjoying each others' company and I am happy for them, too, like CalhounSq. But sometimes it can only drive home the feeling of loneliness - try not to dwell on it....and steer clear of jealousy, it is a waste of energy and emotions. Hold on to your spirit, your values, your goals in life. And most importantly protect your heart. I am damaged goods and am struggling to repair myself because I totally let go. BE TRUE TO YOURSELF AND LOVE YOURSELF, AND DO NOT LET ANYONE TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU. All human beings deserve honesty and to be treated with compassion, diginity, and respect. Never settle for anything less, and never give anyone less in return. "Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive."
Dalai Lama | |
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