Mr. Lippman: It's come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?
George Costanza: Who said that?
Mr. Lippman: She did.
George Costanza: [pause] Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorence on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon... you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time.
Mr. Lippman: You're fired!
George Costanza: Well, you didn't have to say it like that.

George Steinbrenner: Nice to meet you.
George Costanza: Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years, you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego.
George Steinbrenner: Hire this man!

kidelrich said:

"Manure is really not that bad a word. Ma like your mother is good; added to newer you get Ma-newer... get it?" .....George's joke to Marisa Tomei
"How could a man like you-so bald, quirky and funny not already be taken?"..... Marisa Tomei's question to George not knowing that he is engaged

jerseykrs said:

The one I wanna see is when George hears about her ideal man, and it's someone who looks just like George.

George Costanza's coup de grace.....


I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham.

Jerry: I don't understand. Do you have my reservation?
Rental Car Agent: We have your reservation, we just ran out of cars.
Jerry: But the reservation keeps the car here. That's why you have the reservation.
Rental Car Agent: I think I know why we have reservations.
Jerry: I don't think you do. You see, you know how to *take* the reservation, you just don't know how to *hold* the reservation. And that's really the most important part of the reservation: the holding. Anybody can just take them.

Jerry: You can't keep avoiding her.
George Costanza: Why not? If she can't find me, she can't break up with me.




I could do this all day long

George: You know the odds of me being anyone's type? I have never been anyone's type, but apparently, this Marisa Tomei loves funny, quirky, bald men.

"You know it's a very interesting situation. Here you have a job that can help you get girls. But you also have a relationship. But if you try to get rid of the relationship so you can get girls, you lose the job. You see the irony?"

The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell you he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.



"Mammal"



"whatever....."

Kramer goes to a fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. Sleep, do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating... THAT'S a fantasy camp.

George Costanza: I am not giving you my code.
Cosmo Kramer: I'll bet I can guess it.
George Costanza: Pssh. Yeah. Right.
Cosmo Kramer: Oh, alright. Yeah. Uh, let's see. Um, well, we can throw out birthdays immediately. That's too obvious. And no numbers for you, you're a word man. Alright, let's go deeper. Uh, what kind of man are you? Well, you're weak, spineless, a man of temptations, but what tempts you?
George Costanza: Huh?
Cosmo Kramer: You're a portly fellow, a bit long in the waistband. So what's your pleasure? Is it the salty snacks you crave? No no no no no, yours is a sweet tooth.
George Costanza: Get out of here.
Cosmo Kramer: Oh you may stray, but you'll always return to your dark master, the cocoa bean.
George Costanza: I'm leaving.
Cosmo Kramer: [building up steam as George bolts for the door] No, and only the purest syrup nectar can satisfy you!
George Costanza: I gotta go.
Cosmo Kramer: If you could you'd guzzle it by the gallon! Ovaltine! Hershey's!
George Costanza: Shut up!
Cosmo Kramer: Nestlé's Quik!
George Costanza: Shut up!

This is SO ME!!


"When she threw that toupee out the window, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like my old self again. Neurotic, paranoid, totally inadequate, completely insecure. It's a pleasure. "

jerseykrs said:

When I see these quotes, I can immediately see the episodes in my head!

- some quotes have already been quoted here -


"How could anyone not like him?"....Jerry's mom after learning that crazy Mike Divola wanted to "get" Jerry

"Serenity now, insanity later".....Loyd Braun

"He's a Very BAD man".....Babu Bot(Jerry caused his deportation back to Pakistan)

"Yes, wet and wild".....Kramer after his enema experience

"He's HORRIBLE!".....The virgin referring to Jerry

"Gotta love the Drake".....The whole gang except George

"I hate the Drake!".....Jerry(After learning the Drake gave the TV the gang bought for him and his fiancee/the Drake then gave the TV to her/They broke up/then she gave the TV to Goodwill

"On Sex, I like the bottom, let them do all the work".....Kramer

"I think IT moved"..... George explaining his reluctance from be given a massage by a man

"Amazing, I drive them to lesbianism and he brings them back"..... George referring to Kramer just "turning" a lesbian back straight

"You don't see any handsome homeless".....one of the many Jerry observations

"Yea, that's right".....the bland, unemotional Michael Putty

"H-e-l-l-o Jerry".....Newman's trademark greeting

"If you see this van rocking, don't come a-knocking".....Jerry

"What, you think i never rode in a Cadallac before? I've rode in hundreds of them, thousands of them!".....Jack Klumpa to Jerry's father

"You're saying you want a piece of me?".....George's father to Elaine before the fight

"I could drop you like a bag of dirt".....Elaine's response

"He is so dark and disturbed".....Chinese lady lawyer describing Jerry

"You can not Not be funny".....George saying to Jerry

"That's gold Jerry, Gold!".....Kenny Banya

"I'm BACK, Baby!!".....Frank Costanza to his wife after he decides to start cooking again

"Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round...the jar is round.... they should call it Roundtine".....A joke Jerry wrote for Kenny Banya

"Skin doesn't need a doctor, wash it, dry it, move on".....Jerry and George discussing the insignificant of a Dermatologist

"M.D. Pimplepopper!".....Another Jerry attack on the Dermatology profession

"Shut up, you old bag!".....Jerry to the old lady after stealing her marble rye

"I'll Get You"!!!!....The cable man to Kramer(Kramer just narrowly escaped him)

"Manure is really not that bad a word. Ma like your mother is good; added to newer you get Ma-newer... get it?" .....George's joke to Marisa Tomei

"How could a man like you-so bald, quirky and funny not already be taken?"..... Marisa Tomei's question to George not knowing that he is engaged

"Jerry Seinfeld is the Devil".....Name of Sally's one-woman show

"Why does it seem like i'm the only one working at this breakup"?..... George to his girlfriend that refuses to break up

"Snoopy and Prickly Pete".....The names of George's horses in his imaginary house in Hampton's

"That guy is going to dangle that dress in front of you like like a dirt farmer dangles a carrot in front of a mule"..... Jerry to Elaine referring to the clothing salesman the she just met

"The two of you need to work on trust, and only then will there be a free exchange of sex and discounts"..... Kramer to Elaine also referring to the salesman

"But I'm the babysitter!".....Kramer saying to the policeman trying to convince him that He(Kramer) was not trying to hurt the kid(the kid told to cop that Frankenstein(Kramer) was trying to get him

"oh, nothing much..My ex-boyfriend came by late last night....we sat and talked.... yada, yada, yada now i'm really tired this morning" .....George's girlfriend explaining to him what she did last night

"My boys can swim!".....George, estatic because his girlfriend might be pregnant

"If he doesn't ask you out, he doesn't get rejected....he's found a dating loophole".....Jerry to Elaine about Todd Gack

"I'm sorry we can't take this book....it's been flagged... it's been in the restroom".....Bookstore cashier to George

"Which one of us has never slipped into the breakroom to nibble on a love newton"?.....Petterman to Elaine

"Mind your pace boy!! Chop Chop".....Newman to Kramer who is pulling him in a richot

"Swarm, Swarm!!.....Bookstore security guard catching uncle Leo shoplifting

"Little Jerry Seinfeld".....Name of Kramers' rooster

"We're through, and you're fired!".....Jerry to his maid/girlfriend (Jerry is sleeping with the maid, but she is not doing the work)

"Jerry, I've heard some wonderful things about the Bloomingdale's development program".....Jerry's mother(maybe it's finally about time for him to give up the comedy business)

"I have an aunt that died at 7 years old, aunt Baby".....George

"A George divided against itself can not stand!".....George to Jerry

"A woman that hates me this much, only comes once in a lifetime".....George

"He's a male bimbo.....a mimbo".....Jerry referring to Elaine's boyfriend

"He took "IT" out".....Elaine describing her unusual date

"Rusty!...Rusty!!!".....Kramer to the "gassy" horse

"I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating Me".....Jerry "You're once, twice, three times a lady.....Oh the Humanity!".....Newman being burned alive in his mail truck

"Holy cow, have a nice life".....Jerry to his girfriend after she was just splashed with toilet water

"I'm a man Jerry, I'm a man!!".....George breaking the news of his engagement

"Forget about Neil, you've out-Neiled him"....Jerry to George

"So you think you're better than us?".....The Mandlebaum family to Jerry

"You know sex in a tube....That doesn't work!".....Elaine referring to the movie The English Patient(she hates it)

"NO SOUP FOR YOU!!.....COME BACK IN ONE YEAR!....NEXT!.....The infamous Soup Nazi

"It's outrageous, egregious...preposterous".....Lawyer Jackie Childs

"Who told you to put on a balm? Do you even know what a balm Is? You can't tell what a balm will do....they're unpredictable"!..... Jackie Childs to Kramer

"Not bad.....not bad at all".....Security guard to George(george just brought him a chair to sit in)

"Kramer you know you are always welcome in my home, but as far as "mr johnson" is concerned....that's another story".....Jerry

"Ah, look at the cute little bastard".....John Paul to the baby

"George i have only two words to say to you....Hot Tub".....Mr Steinbrenner

"You gotta come SEE the Baby".....friends of Jerry

"And you want to be my latex salesman"?.....Jerry to George

"I was in the pool!!!".....George explaining his "shrinkage" problem

"Not that there's anything wrong with that".....The entire politically correct Seinfeld gang

"Are you SURE you're not pregnant?".....Kramer to the overweight lady

"But I don't want to be a pirate!".....Jerry not wanting to wear the puffy shirt

"Now THAT I heard".....Jerry finally hearing the low-talker

"Who goes around feeling people's material?....What can be gained?..... It's insanity".....George's mother to George after learning he was just fired for feeling the boss' material

"What kind of snowblower did you get us mixed up with?".....Newman to Jerry after learning their accountant may be doing drugs

"From the very first moment i saw a brassiere, i was enthralled".....George at the job interview to be a bra salesman

"I'm disturbed, depressed....inadequate....I got it All!".....George to the Chinese lawyer

"Jimmy's ready, Jimmy's got new moves, check Jimmy out.....JIMMY'S DOWN!"..... Jimmy after slipping on the wet floor caused by Kramer

"Jimmy's going to get you Kramer....Jimmy holds grudges".....Again Jimmy to Kramer

"Well, Poppy is a little sloppy".....Jerry

http://www.morganbouldin....nfeld.html

Frank Costanza: [yelling] Serenity now. Serenity now.
George Costanza: What is that?
Frank Costanza: Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say: "SERENITY NOW"
George Costanza: Are you supposed to yell it?
Frank Costanza: The man on the tape wasn't specific.

I love the mirror in that bathroom. I don't know what in the hell it is, I look terrific in that mirror. I don't know if its the tile or the lighting... I feel like Robert Wagner in there.

Is there a marine-biologist here ?

¨George , i´ve been told you´ve made out with the cleaning-woman... ¨

G : ¨ .... Was that wrong ? ¨

100MPH said:

Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorence on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon... you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time.











he then fires him and george says "well you didn't have to say it like that"

jerseykrs said:

Jerry : ¨ Well yeah , you could ... but that´s a job most of the ex-players get ¨

George : ¨ Well , that´s not really fair ¨

Jerry : ¨ I know ¨

George : ¨ I could be an architect ... i always wanted to be an architect ¨
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.
.
[Edited 5/24/06 8:50am]

jerseykrs said:

awwww mayn ... priceless .

What about when he´s got his own private toilet at some job .
When he´s showing it to Jerry , the respond is : ¨ Ah , Xanadu ! ¨
.
.
.
[Edited 5/24/06 8:52am]

MANDELBAUM ! MANDELBAUM ! MANDELBAUM ! http://mandelbaum.ytmnd.com/

Icicle said:

That's my favorite moment too.

Mulva?

jerseykrs said:

The blooper to this scene is f'ing hilarious!!!!! The scene is funny 'cause it's true.


M

"Did you just double-dip that chip?"
"Excuse me?"
"You double-dipped the chip."
"Double-dipped? What are you talking about?"
"You dipped the chip, you took a bite, and you dipped again."
"So?"
"That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip. Look, from now on when you take a chip, just take one dip and end it."
"Well, I'm sorry Timmy, but I don't dip that way."
"Oh, you don't, huh?"
"No. You dip the way you want to dip, I'll dip the way I want to dip."

Mr Pitt: (doing the Nazi salute that makes him look just like Hitler) And our stock will rise high!

GREAT show So many good episodes, I like the one where George tried to combine sex w/ eating a sandwich

CalhounSq said:

M