Has anyone ever been in a situation where you find out or think someone just doesn't care for you for whatever reason?

I am a pretty reasonable and likeable guy. I put in my fair share of work that needs to be done. I get involved, I network. As many of you know, I dj/make music and in general am trying to add my own stlye to the "chill scene" here where I live. My crew and I are very welcoming and inclusive of pretty much everyone. We've given folks chances to play with us etc. But I have noticed it never comes back and we're not included as a crew by the other crews when they do things.

The last thing was this yearly street fare we have here. I had mentioned to this guy that I was looking into doing something, and was going to put my feelers out about it. He mentioned that if I did get folks intrested, he'd be. I said likewise. He went on to mention he really liked the music I was doing etc etc. I did put out the feelers, but no one was that interested (last years "chill area" was pretty bad) I was busy with finishing the album, so I let it go.

I find out that this person did a stage, yet didn't include any of us. This is a guy who has basically said he's handing over the reins, as he was "done" with doing events. Reins have never been handed over. Now, I know this person likes doing things by himself, that's fine, but he could have at least included us in the line up...for representation, you know? One could say he was not having DJ's and only original music...which we do as well...and he likes it. And it wasn't like we didn't have this conversation about this faire. I even wrote him a follow up to see what was up and never heard back. He saw one of us at some show and told my friend he hadn't gotten back to me due to personal issues. Sounds like avaoidance to me.

I have never had any issues or problems with this person before. Yes, this is sort of typical behavior from him..as we have had issues similar to this one in the past, but what gets me is that we talked about it...face to face.

Basically, I have wiped my hands of it all...and we won't be working with him again. But I am still perplexed.

ive been in many situations where people are nice one day

dont want to know from me the next

usually in work environments

used to beat my self up over it

its the not knowing

the

what the fuck is going on?

that would haunt me

you must come to the realization that

the problem is theirs

not

yours

shausler said:

I always laugh when I find out someone doesn't like me Whatever

shausler said:

co-sign

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I know that's right. If you don't like me, fuck you.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I know that's right. If you don't like me, fuck you. Like I don't have enough shit to worry about. I could live less than a 1/9 of a damn if somebody likes me. I'm not here to impress anybody. Kiss my ass, keep walking, and have a nice day. Oh MAN ya'll should see the shit I come across at work JUST for wearing my rainbow pins

There are plenty of folks I don't like. And there are plenty of folks that don't like me. I'm not offended by it. I don't think there's anything strange about it. It's like asking why everyone doesn't like the music you do.

coolcat said:

SEE NOW

I TAKE UMBRAGE TO THAT

shausler said:

How dare you not like my post?

//whoops. meant 2 push the cancel response button edit
[Edited 5/9/06 0:12am]

coolcat said:

UM

that feels oddly good

shausler said:

coolcat is getting upset!!!

coolcat said:

you dont like me

i can tell

They may not like me but they sure as hell will HATE the shit I leave in their path.

origmnd said:

scorched earth baby

take no prisonas

shausler said:

coolcat said:

shausler said:

If someone genuinely does not like me, I just don't care. The only time I've felt extreme animosity from anyone was a year ago when I somehow ended up at a party filled with a bunch of asshole frat boys, and I honestly would've been kind of disappointed if they had liked me.

Otherwise, I just chalk it up to being inexperienced with another person. I'm extremely awkward when around new, or relatively new people, and it usually takes me a few months before I'm comfortable enough around someone to really converse well. It's kind of rare that I ever really click with anyone right off the bat, which I imagine makes me kind of unpleasant to be around at times.

But given some time I've managed to make friends out of even the coldest relationships.

i would be concerned if there were not people who disliked me


i am not concerned though with those that dislike me

it really boils down to a knowledge and understanding

of ones own self



this will save a lot of grief in long run

In general I don't have a lot of problems w/ folks but every now & again someone will dislike me. It really doesn't bother me much & I figure "everybody's got their somethin'" BUT what does piss me off is when the person who doesn't like you insists on interacting w/ you unneccessarily, just to piss you off. THAT shit bugs me, I've had 1 or 2 of those Hate me all you want, but do it OVER THERE - don't be all up in my face w/ your bullshit



.
[Edited 5/8/06 12:53pm]

I tend to be introverted and a loner, so I don't really notice when someone doesn't like me...at the same time, I don't really notice when someone DOES like me, either...

It's usually that the people who don't like me barely know me to begin with, so who cares...since I let so very few people become close to me, the ones that I have let in over the years I've never had a reason to doubt (with extremely rare exception).

My first step in understanding is coming to terms with my not giving a shit.

And I don't say that to be a smartypants.

Once I don't give a shit, I can more objectively figure out what the person's problem with me may be, and then I can decide if it's worth my time and effort to address the issue or not.

Sometimes people just decide they don't like you for some dumb arbitrary reason, or it could just be because you remind them of someone who they didn't like in the past.

Most of my best friends from the past are people I thought were atrocious, obnoxious people upon first impression. Of course, there have been a lot of times my intuition was right on, too...

Well, you never thanked me for sending you the leaked copy of 3121 when I had never spoken to you before. This is why I hate you.

CalhounSq said:

Thing is we run in same cirles. There has never been an indication that he doesn't like me or our crew. We all know he doesn't like putting things together with other people...that's fine...it's all good. It's the Say one thing and do another that really bothers me. Well it doesn't now, but it did. I just had to finally just let it all go. No point in getting all bunched up over really nothing.

It kills me though when I hear things (from this person and others) like "The chill scene is so disconnected noone works ith each other blah blah blah" when all they need to do is look in the mirror.

You should not try to understand why people that don't like you feel the way they do. Most humans go about with set up biases that not even they understand. You should spend the effort trying to understand your self rather then trying to understand another whos' motives and such are byond your scope of understanding.

A guy might not like you. If you were to ask him why, he would say he didn't know, if you could get an answer from him at all. However if you truly understood the meaning of things, may just turn out that the reason the guy doesn't like you is that you look just like a man he saw in his past directly after being punished by his father, and thus he transfered the negitive feelings onto that man, who just happened to look just like you.

The guy you're talking about seems to be a bit of a nugget, and I can't imagine what it's like for musicians devoting their lives to networking, being heard, performing, etc. You'd think someone in his position would give you a hand if it didn't put him out so much. It's not easy for you guys.

Anyway, I don't really blame most people for being rubbed the wrong way when they meet me. I'm not very warm to most people I meet and when I try, I end up sounding very plastic and nobody likes that. Like Hobbes, the friendships I've made are not unlike diamonds. The beginnings are usually rough and I cherish them for that. I don't want to waste anyone's time when most people think I'm all about one thing when I'm really about the next. And I really don't fancy people who like bands like Pantera. And that eliminates 95% of people my age around here.
[Edited 5/8/06 13:07pm]

MickG said:

I cannot reach the end of this post. Every time I try, my eyes glaze and I hear small snaps crackling along my spine.

I didn't quite completely understand the storyline you provided in the initial post, but my experiences in the music world would imply that other performers and organizers often might develop a dismissive attitude towards some others for very small reasons. Especially if you meet them for the first time at the location, and not in other social circles where people would be less stressed out and take everything so much easier (as they don't have to climb on the stage, or be responsible for the whole event). A few times I've found out later that people have totally missunderstood me, badly, and didn't even realize they could do so from something I've said. That's why I think some people have learnt not to speak that much before a show or straightly afterwards - it's not just because there's nervousness from their own behalf, but a lot of folks have learnt that there's something tense in the air. People behave strangely, you know it's something of a whole different social vibe. And not the easiest one either.