Same 'ol story....meet girl, date for a while, have a great time, then girl gets upset because I have no intention of buying a place together and getting married(ever). Where is it written that you have to live with the person you're dating? Seesh!! I always seem to attract women who want to get hitched - just my luck.

awww. I liked her. i'm sorry.

uPtoWnNY said:

Hi Uptown. Are you making it clear to these women upfront that you have no intent of committing? It's unfortunate that some women think they can change a man.

uPtoWnNY said:

thats just it. it isn't written anywhere. its so ingrained in some women's minds that thats how it has to be and thats not the case. somebody who doesn't understand your need for your own space has to go anyway.

Sooooo many women from the time they are little girls believe it is all supposed to lead to a husband and kids. Very sad. And men pay for it.

Don't worry about it there will always be another girl. Unfortunately you will meet tons more women who are the same as her. Good Luck.

Romera said:

yeah, are u sending out any "mixed messages"?

SHOCKADELICA1 said:

he could be. but sometimes even after a man tells a woman what it is in the beginning she'll still try to change him. we need more details.

Yes, but how long does one have to date for the girl to pressure a guy to move in/be committed?

For me, I have always said I would never move in with someone I was dating unless we had been doing so for at least a year. I put that upfront. It's always been a good "barrier". I have know so many couples that move in like with in months of meeting and it always turns out disasterous.

for me, if a guy even hints that he wants to move in together, its like a turn-off, especiallly if we don't even know each other that well....

Same here. No moving in together for me. I like some privacy and some space.

uPtoWnNY said:

But, isn't that they way you've designed these things to be? Meaning...I think it's natural that relationships change and grow or progress...it's only natural that if they can't, they end.

brownsugar said:

Yeah, that's pretty much it. After she saw I wasn't going to change, that was the beginning of the end. I've always been about MY space, YOUR space...MY bills, YOUR bills, etc.

uPtoWnNY said:

Well...that's HER problem, then. If you were upfront about your wishes, then she knew what time of day it was.

uPtoWnNY said:

Same here.

applekisses said:

Well, one of my ex-GF's felt the same way I did and it was great. We'd hang out and at the end of the day, go our own way. We'd be together today if she didn't go crazy on me(that was 2 years ago). But we're still close friends. It's tough finding women who aren't into the whole dating/marriage/kids thing.


But ladies, PLEASE be careful about letting guys move in. KNOW WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH! I've seen women get burned because their BF's turned out to be moochers. Just laying on their ass, living off their woman, using her bank account and sleeping with another chick on the side. Shameful.

uPtoWnNY said:

Did you have a monogamous relationship or did you both see other people? Another thing...if you're just "hanging out" with these women...how can you call them your girlfriends?
[Edited 5/12/06 10:13am]

"It's tough finding women who aren't into the whole dating/marriage/kids thing."

Sadly that's true.

applekisses said:[quote]

uPtoWnNY said:

It was monogamous and lasted nearly nine years. I can be with one woman for a long time, I just don't want to live together/get married/have kids. That's just me.

A friend of mine moved in with "The Parrot" and she has become so possesive it's not funny. She is calling him all the time. She wants him to be home by a certain time. She wants to know where he is all the time. She is trying to change him in all aspects of his life. She has him on a pretty short leash. It's pathetic.

Spats said:

He didn't know she was like that before he moved in?

Spats said:

The thing is, when you start seeing someone and they say that they don't want to live together, have kids, get married etc. then that's fine at the time.

However, as the years pass even if they said it was OK and meant it at the time suddenly it does start to matter.

Yes, I know, it was me!!!

So, with the best will in the world, for most women commitment and children become more important with age.

Sorry!

sj1600 said:

You don't have to be sorry. It's just sad that so many women are like that.

Romera said:

They lived about 5 hours from each other before they moved in together so he was not around her all the time. She would call a lot from where she lived but he thought the long distance was causing that. He is finding out the hard way right now.

If you made it clear then it's her problem.

I always said if I were to ever live with a man I would need my own bedroom and bathroom for it to work. It's nice to sleep next to someone at night...but there are times when you just need to be alone.

CarrieLee said:

oh yes god especially for a woman...there's nothing worse than a hen-peck, smothering guy up under you all the time....

missfee said:

missfee said:

It just shows you, different strokes for different folks. I know women who are the opposite of you. They rule the roost, and their husbands go along with it.


I realized at an early age that I was happy being a loner. Forcing myself to live with someone/get married would be a disaster.
[Edited 5/14/06 20:48pm]

Women only have 40 years to have babies so I guess they've got to get a move on and find someone who will commit (if they want kids).

brownsugar said:

Although, you'd be surprised how many women start out in a relationship giving off that same, "I value space" vibe. And shift, as time goes on, into the same needy type being described.

I'm starting to suspect that early, apparent nonchalance might be just an affectation to cover up low self-esteem.

Not that I have the answers, by any means...

Spats said:

don't think it's any more fun for the women who have to meet loser after loser to learn that lesson the hard way.