I need to make more friends but I have no idea how. And by "friends", I mean gay friends.

I did join a website called Out Everywhere, but it's basically a lonely hearts club for people whom feel too ugly to flash their flesh on Gaydar. Their events always seem to be along the lines of "Gay Hiking in the Yorkshire Dales"; "Gay Pottery Classes"; "Gay Trainspotters Club"; "Gay Poetry Recitals at a Library". None of that stuff is my cup of tea.

I closed my front door on Friday night and I won't open it again until 08.30am in a few hours time, to go to work again. For whatever reason, this only bothers me when the nights start getting lighter. During Autumn and Winter, I'm quite content to just potter about and do nothing.

I really don't know what to do. I feel like life is passing me by. I should go to bed, or else I'm not going to be able to get out of bed in the morning. I'm just not tired. I'm too upset to be tired. I really am upset.

I wish I could help

Do you ever go to bars or clubs?

u2prnce said:

The last time I went to the nearest gay bar, I sat there with a magazine trying to make eye-contact with people; willing them to come over to talk to me - but nobody did. I tried making small-talk at the bar, but they were all evidently with other people (or waiting for other people) and didn't want to be disturbed. I must have been sat there for three hours before I looked at my watch (pretending that somebody hadn't turned up) and went home.

Justin1972UK said:

Honestly, some of what you are saying sounds like social anxiety or depression. You might want to see a therapist or something. I used to have some of these issues with social interactions. It just kind of builds up until simple things seem like big deals. It's more of a mental issue than anything else. If you act like you're not bothered, it will make a big difference. Talking with a therapist and/or meds might help.

u2prnce said:

I'm not ill and I don't need medicine or therapy. I just need real friends.

u2prnce said:

I reckon I would act pretty much the same in that situation, and I am just shy.

Shyness and social anxiety are pretty close in my experience. But it can be hard to meet people in bars or clubs anyways. Too noisy.
[Edited 5/7/06 17:36pm]

Is there an org group in your area?

u2prnce said:

especially when folks are already in little groups dancing around their handbags

u2prnce said:

You can't always engineeer situations in which you can ingratiate yourself with others.

A temp called James sat opposite me at work on Friday. I'd never seen nor spoken with him before. We talked nearly non-stop - and the amount of things we had in common was frightening. We both loved 'Curb Your Enthusiasm', Doves records, 70s soft-rock, Woody Allen... The things we hated were nearly all the same too - we must have spent 20 minutes dissing Coldplay alone.

But James was neither my age nor gay. He looked about 20 and ranted about an ex-girlfriend towards the end of the conversation. He actually didn't know I was gay. He assumed that I was talking about a woman when I recounted tales about my ex. When I realised that he thought I was straight, I felt weird.

Part of me felt guilty, as if I'd somehow entered into his confidence by pretence. Part of me wondered if my apparent "straightness" is what's stopping me from meeting other gay men. Part of me felt ashamed because I did find him attractive.

I booked the rest of the afternoon off, so that I didn't have to sit with him for the rest of the afternoon. I mean, I really, really wanted to - but it would have been for the wrong reasons.

Justin1972UK said:

Well, I think you should narrow down a few interests and then do some research on groups (specifically gay groups) that gather for those. Like... movie clubs or music clubs - - just go to events and meet people. Even making a new straight friend could lead to you meeting a mutual gay friend.

He sounds like somebody who could be a friend. That's how most people make friends; by having things in common with others. Or do you mean 'friends' like guys you wanna date?

u2prnce said:

I didn't know there were "Org Groups" in any area. I'm thinking of going to the Manchester meet-up but I spend too much time here as it is. I wouldn't want to be sat in a bar on a regular basis, debating whose posts were the funniest or whatever.

Justin1972UK said:

When the LA group gets together we chat about the Org, sure - but we also also about music and movies and politics and music and our perosnal lives and music and... well, you get the gist.

DiminutiveRocker said:

I wonder if there's a group in Greater Manchester?