living at home because you can't even afford to buy a coffee let alone live somewhere else
knowing that your parents resent you, for different reasons..
you're not welcome, @least you don't feel welcome
you're being forced to do things in your life you don't want to
you're ordered around and told how to live in the house
you depend on these same parents to help you with school
but all they care about is fixing the house, when the house doesn't need fixing
they think the idea of you going on a *short* vacation is a stupid and absent minded idea
they don't believe that you have anything to be depressed about that you never know what you're talking about
they don't feel you'll amount to anything because you're not a doctor or a lawyer


how do you deal with your mother saying to your face that she doesnt feel sorry for any trials and tribulations you're going through


because i don't know how to deal.

SammiJ said:

I think we all go through this, I know I do. You have to believe in yourself, sometimes thats all you have. Stay strong, everything happens for a reason.

I know it won't help you much but:

I moved to a council property because I couldn't afford a mortgage on my wage. I guess the U.S. equivalent is The Projects. It's not ideal but it's better than the alternatives.

Im sorry Sammi...stay strong. Things will be so much better
I have an idea of what you're going through

My family wasnt the greatest to live with either. But I saved every little bit of money I had and moved out. Other family members helped too,cuz they knew what I was going through.


Do u have other close family members you can lean on?
In the mean time just tune them out. Music helps

Im just an orgnote or myspace message away
[Edited 4/24/06 16:31pm]

SammiJ said:

here's a big Sammi wish I could give you a real one... BG please give her lots when you see her

sorry for your problems sammi, i lost my best friend last week, 44 years old... massive heart attack. i'd like to say it's gonna get better, but not so sure.

Dayum that sux, but things will get better Sammi Hang in there.

SammiJ said:

Sam...it'll get better. espicially when U finish school and have what they don't, a college(or whatever y'all call them up there) degree. It opes LOTS of doors for U...U have LOTS to look forward to. Let alone me...hehehehe

BobGeorge909, go get your baby! She needs a hug! Hang in there, Precious! The only thing I did was keep myself in my own happy mental world. When I got fussed at, I tuned them out although no one knew it. I read a lot and never came out of my room unless called. I was called everything but a child of God, but I knew I was the shit and was abiding my time until I could prove it. Now that I have, they have found some other shit to bitch about. It get's worse as you get older. Don't listen to anyone tear you down! I don't give a fuck who it is, I tell myself what I can do and who I am. If possible think about getting a job to make yourself feel a little more independant. Tell your parents, you want to ease up the load. Maybe that will help decrease the bullshit. As long as you depend on them, they feel you are suppose to put up with their shit. Partly true but it will be over soon enough! They are upset because you choose a career other than what they wanted so you are going to hear it for a while. If they pay for it, they think they can dictate your choices.

SammiJ said:

Sounds like my mother...


I ran 2,000 miles away so I would not have to deal with her crap...you have to make yourself happy first NOT HER! Not that I am saying running away 2,000 miles is good, but I did it...won't be easy at first...but its what needed to be done. You will figure out what to do, don't worry It may take awhile but the answer will come to you. Just always keep in mind...what I said above...you have to take care of number 1 which is you...make yourself happy do what you want.

BobGeorge909 said:

Ya know she could very easily finish school in the US.

I feel your pain love

I got myself in a good deal of debt I can't even begin to afford to live alone, I don't want a random roomate, I don't have anyone I'd care to live with...and I don't want to live with my bf if we are not married.

So I guess what you do is ,what I do... fucking ignore everyone and stay away from the house as much as possible.

I guess it also helps that I live in an ok size house and I have the top floor to myself, when I'm home I just lock myself up here and curse them all downstairs with a vengence.

Justin1972UK said:

Justin in my area i cant get on the council list so i have to rent privately, which is costing me the earth. The council will not even look at me cause i work. how fucked up is that.

BobGeorge909 said:

Your man is right Sammi.

Hang in there.

Honey, I don't think anything short of moving out is going to be a satisfactory solution for you but just know you have someone wonderful in your life and all of your friends here who really really love you. One day you'll be out and on your own enjoying life your way. Until then, just hang in there and work towards the goal of calling all your own shots

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I'd agree with this one... Decide what you need to do and do it. It's the hardest sometimes, but that's the way it goes. I left my parents and lived on my own right away at 18. I had no help from them and I look back now and I've no idea how I did it, but I wasn't able to pay for college AND live on my own. Decied which is more important for your life, health and happiness and find ways to cope with the choices.

And hang in there.

i don't know, kiddo.


but i do know that life never gives you anything you can't handle.


you will get through this.

this time will pass - i promise it will sweetheart


in the meantime, try like hell to ignore the situation

I'm sorry you're unhappy.
I can sympathize with your situation.
My parents mind set is your problems can be as bad as their's because they old, was poor, and no one ever gave them nothing, and you got phones, computers, and schooling.

My parent's attutide were opposite your's when I was your age, they didn't believe I could be anything.

Hang in there.

thank you all, it's just been a rough few weeks being back home

and i wish things would get better, and i am doing what i gotta do

i might've gotten a job (had a phone interview today and an in person one tomorrow) so that'll be great, i'll make pretty decent money and i'll be out of the house for most of the week

i wish i could say i have other people to lean on but i dont...imagine that, out of 5 siblings, i have no one because they are all in their own bind, and dont feel the need to have me around...

i'm feeling a lot better now tho...thank u for all your well wishes, and i'm glad only for the fact that im not the only one that's felt like this...no one should have to - but it is what it is right?

i am going to stay home, for the summer, i'll be back on residence in september...and hopefully by the end of next year, i'll be living off campus in st. catherines with BG909 so i won't have to worry about living with them...

i just feel so guilty for doing this - i mean parents are forever, it's just i need my distance, they're just really good @ making me feel like crap for it...
i need to break away...


and to sexinthesummer... i'm hanging on with u hun i'm terribly sorry for your loss, things like that are never ever easy...

I didn't read all that but this is my solution to all of life's problems

twister6 said:

man, if i had the money to travel...
i'd go EVERYWHERE

Sammi!! Fret not!! I kinda get what you're going through, and my advice is to be strategic, plan your $$$- whatever little you get, just save it away. I'm doing that, and once i've reached my goal i'll be jetsetting away from this lil place i call home. Your parents have an idea in their mind of what they want you to be- i know how that feelz- itz as though nothing you do is safe or sensible etc enough- they are only looking out for you. BUT. You are old enough to decide where you wanna be at. And eventually- they will LEARN to be okay with it. You will have many trialz with all of that but eventually they will have to adhere to your own decision making!!! No one can control other's reactions and needs and wants out of life. It makez thingz so difficult, and it can be psychologically tormenting. Hang in there- you're not alone, and just believe in yourself and soldier on!! You will only get stronger!

lilmissmissy said:

thank u hun


it's just i thought after having 4 kids together, my parents would know the drill by now... and im the best behaved out of ALL of them!

I lived with my mother until I was 24 because of serious financial troubles both of us were going through, basically towards the end I put a lor of my social life on hold because I was, for instance, embarrassed to ask girls out. It starts to be sort of degrading at that age, but I don't think it's that bad living with your parents if you're only 19.

It's a completely different matter altogether if you're not getting along with them. I guess they will start respecting you a bit more when you'll get older, even if you stayed with them. Parents often stare at numeric figures - "You're just 19! / Oh, you're already 20, you can make your own decisions now...".

SammiJ said:

That's it!
You're their last chance!
But ya gotta live your own life.
Your parents will accept that about time your thirty or so.

I so know what u mean ... what totally sux is when u actually get punished 4 behaving proper. I go all crazy at parties & stuff but I'm just a risky responsible person .. trouble is almost always guaranteed, however, there is a limit 2 how much bs any individual will puth up with. Now if only someone would fix the hang-up at the bureaucracy it would actually b possible to do something worth doing.

whatta load of crap I just wrote

SammiJ said:

Anytime!!!

Yeah darlz- do you know how well behaved I am!! The moment i step out of 'angelic' mode my every move is analysed and monitored in some form You're lucky you have siblings you could probably (i hope) talk to about this! I have cousins who have similar issues, so i talk to them- i don't have any siblings at all. Sometimez i reeeally wish i did, far out!! I come from a family (at least on my mum's side) who have a very idealised picture of how especially a girl should be. Some of it is good stuff ofcourse, and i am thankful for being taught to be a good person. But the rest is so unrealistic and can make you feel like you're tied up in a huge tight knot! Like you can't breathe and that you live in a bubble!! It's freakin crazy, so just go about your business, and know inside that you are a good person, who just wantz to live her own life.

SammiJ said:

Some, most maybe, people think that you owe your parents for taking care of you when you're a child. I don't buy that shit cos you didn't ask to be born, they did that on their own so from where I stand you don't owe them jack. You are in your right to need distance, what they really want is for you to not have grown up, they want their pliable little kid back but that ain't gonna happen.

I also think that your parents are like everybody else, they're scared of what they don't understand. They probably don't get what makes you tick and that weirds them out a bit. My advice is easy to say but hard to do, still it's what I've got; Distance yourself all you want and believe in YOU. Like BG said, you'll have a university degree which they apparently don't have. So stick your tongue out to them cos in due time you and BG will have your own place and be set up nicely.