SammiJ said:

RANT:

Yeah, it's been happening for centuries, and we have a world full of violence and war.

Perhaps if we considered violence totally unacceptable as a means of handling conflict, it wouldn't be like this.

Parents CREATE our society by what they teach their children. Hitting them when they misbehave teaches them that respect comes from fear and control comes from violence.

Fuck that.

As an adult, how are you punished when you misbehave? If you are angry at your coworker, do you get to hit them? What coping skills are you teaching your child when you handle problems that way?


Look, I know parenting is insanely frustrating, and that everybody does the best that they can day by day, minute by minute. I GET that. But, hard as it is -- I've sure as hell wanted to smack kids under my care! -- I think refraining from violence towards your children is a responsibility of being a parent.


What do you do instead? Depends on the kid and the situation. For me, being spanked (VERY rarely) just made me angry, resentful, and sneaky. And being sent to my room was no punishment at all; I liked being alone in my room. In my case, my mother letting me know that I was making her feel bad in whatever way was the worst punishment there was.

Honestly, I think I'd approach a child almost like an employer. Don't do your chores? Then you don't get dinner. You don't work, you don't eat. That's a serious punishment. A real-world punishment. And a non-violent punishment.

And certainly, making kids earn priviledges, and taking them away when appropriate, makes sense. In terms of material things, you owe them shelter, the clothing of your choice, and adequate food. Anything beyond that they can earn. That's how the world really is. And that's harsh. But it's not violent.

HereToRockYourWorld said:

I think denying a kid dinner is more violent than a pop on the ass.

FunkMistress said:

Yeah, I figured somebody would say that. And I think that's absurd. I think that's conditioning from our violent culture.

I mean, it's unpleasant, sure! But punishment should be unpleasant.

HereToRockYourWorld said:

Speaking for my kids, making them them go hungry would be way more traumatic than getting a quick spank.

FunkMistress said:

Yeah, for a lot of kids, I agree, it would be worse punishment.

I'm not arguing against letting your kids suffer if they misbehave. I'm arguing in favor of teaching them lessons that will actually serve them, and all of us, well in life.


Now, obviously, you can't deny your kids food on a day-to-day basis. That can't be the solution to every problem. But missing dinner once in a while isn't harmful, and you'd better believe the threat of it will be meaningful in the future.

That's just one example, of course.


obviously-edit
[Edited 4/14/06 11:16am]

butterfli25 said:

unlucky7 said:

co thats how ya do it

Savour said:

Looks like you should really be directing that at yourself.

GaryTheNoTrashCougar said:

deet dee deee....that's so wrong I was spanked as a child on the butt or popped on the wrist. I wasn't a bad child, so that only happened every blue moon.

PurpleKnight said:

thanks for the advice

"Thread of the year"

I tried the non-spanking thing with my son until puberty kicked in. Then I commenced to beat that ass! My child gave me this look like he was going to hit me and then he balled up his fist! I couldn't tell you what happened after that. My child is just determined to do what he wants and thinks that I should just buy him whatever he wants with his 1.0 GPA! Oh hell no! My nephews and niece, I think I had to pop them maybe once amongst them. They check themselves when they get the look. My son, I have no idea what his little butt is thinking. I just pray he pulls his head out of his butt before I do! He may not survive it.
[Edited 4/14/06 17:11pm]

ShySlantedEye1 said:

Ain't nothing more appealing than a woman who don't take shit from her kids

I am old school. You will respect your elders, maintain the family name with the highest applomb, keep your dumb ass comments to yourself and do what you are told period. My child got some real bad info. from his father's side and I am trying to correct it or die trying! I wish my child would cut up in a store with me. I will walk his ass to the belt section in the men's department and fuck him up! And yes I do like seeing kids get whooped in the store. Sorry...

ShySlantedEye1 said:

Hell yeah, I agree wholeheartedly.

jerseykrs said:

You are a grown man Krs and still could use an ass beatin....

TMBGITW said:

Imma beat your ass. Word.

ShySlantedEye1 said:

go tell it sister

jerseykrs said:

Ohh that would feel so goood

TMBGITW said:

Dammnnnnn.....

We got whooped with a belt called Willie. It was a signature Willie Nelson belt. (I love being from Tennessee. *LOL* ) Our parents would make us go get "Willie" or if we were in public, they'd tell us if we acted a fool we'd be meeting our pal Willie when we got home.

On the other hand- our parents also showed tons of love for us. Always at our games, performances.. always taking us to the park and teaching us things. Strangely, our parents did not let us say yes sir/mam or no sir/mam. They thought it sounded too "army." We were also spoiled and got a lot of shit that we shouldn't have because they were well off.

I was angry with them for the spankings until I got older. Now, I have a wonderful relationship with them. I go to visit them or call them everyday and they are always there for me.

I appreciate the way that I was raised. I don't hold any ill feelings about it. (Except funny memories everytime I see Willie Nelson ) I know it's not for everyone. But I have to agree that I see some of these teenagers around the stores and whatnot and I have that thought.. someone needs to smack some sense into them.

Oh, and I'm white. So it's not just the "ethnics."
[Edited 4/14/06 19:00pm]

My father used to slap me on the leg sometimes. It really stung and did the trick. I don't feel it was over the top. I think it worked, and I always had a slight fear of my father and what would happen if I did something wrong. I think that's a good thing when you're young. You might know that your mum will be a soft touch but you have to know your father is not going to be a happy man if you do something really naughty. I'll likely be the same way when I'm a parent. I occasionally slap my nephew in this way in order for him to make a connection between doing something wrong, for example repeatedly playing with something he shouldn't, and getting a stinging slap on the bottom or leg. It works, but only up to a point. Even very young kids stop being scared of a light smack on the leg after a while, so once it stops being effective there's no point. As he grows up and can understand more (though can't talk) I try to use other methods - focus his attention elsewhere on something good and fun, repeatedly tell him no and take him away if he won't stop, put him in his room for a bit by himself if he won't behave in our room, that kinda thing. Ultimately I don't think smacking is something I want to use as the main means of disciplining a child, but I think at a certain age it's the most effective means of communicating your message.

MotoPsycho said:

OMG, I have somewhat unpleasant yet humorous family associations with Willie Nelson, too! Not anything to do with spanking, though.

Wassup with the Willie connection?

CarrieMpls said:

the look doesn't work on my kids when they are deliberately avoiding eye-contact and selectively not hearing me. A quick swoop over and escort to bedroom by the ear does the job much more effectively

GaryTheNoTrashCougar said:

love Mind Mencia! Oh yeah...&

lilgish said:

ROFLMMFAO!!!!

GaryTheNoTrashCougar said:

You're bringing back baaad memories, man...

I'd allow mochalox to slap me anyway, anyhow.

As you were.

Good grief. I'm glad that some of you weren't my parents.

The only justifiable reason to reprimand a child is if they do something which endangers themselves or hurts others in some way.


Hitting kids for not tidying their room; "dumb-ass comments" or just "stomping" around is mind-boggling to me.

As for your children calling you "ma-am"... That's just really sad.