lazycrockett said:

There has been a few times I was driven to a bit of anger (talking back, being sarcastic or having to tell them over and over to do something) but once I have gotten to the angry stage this is when I tell them to get away from me. I tell them to go outside or go to their room. One time my daughter made me so angry I had to leave my house

But she felt bad, really bad that she drove me to even do that.

Rebeccas said:

I've done that, too. I hope most parents are as self-aware.

i think i was given borders when i was a kid. there were certain things that weren't negotiable. there were certain times i knew i couldn't have my way. and i didn't get sympathy when i threw a little fit or got pouty. i got told that's the way things are sometimes, and get used to it. on the other hand, as an only child, i got a LOT of perks - in a lot of ways i was spoiled rotten. but there were limits to how spoiled i was allowed to get.

when i hear parents "negotiating" with their 2 or 3 year olds in restaurants or on airplanes, it really gripes my ass. there's a time when a kid should do as he/she is told, end of discussion. and there should be consequences for acting out. maybe not physical punishment, but something that lets the kid know that the situation isn't up for debate.

sorry, i grew up with whuppings and groundings and a healthy fear of my mom that equalled my love for her, and i'm very grateful for it, dagnabbit.

unlucky7 said:

gosh honey, what you are describing is abuse. this is heartbreaking and you must begin to work through your fears and your past. you are not pathetic, you were made to feel this way.

discipline should be meted out when a child crosses a line, and will not listen to reason. it should be controlled it is not to satiate the parent's desire to release some stress.

If you don't spank: You still have to take immediate control of a situation where the child is out of line. There HAS to be boundries and punishments. Do not overexplain yourself, but make sure the child understands why they are being punished, what the punishment is, and allow the child to explain why they acted the way they did. It's important to change your tone of voice, and show yourself in complete control and not reacting out of anger. Nothing is sadder than watching a 30 year old adult try to reason with a 7 year old child. When the punishment is over, offer the child the chance to voice themselves. Get down to their level, show gentle touch, and offer a short but exact explaination why the action that got them in trouble is not acceptable. Then move on with your lives.

If you do spank: Do NOT spank out of reactionary anger. Make sure your body is in complete control. Make sure the child understands why they are being punished, what the punishment is, and allow them the chance to explain why they did what they did. Many times, if you follow that procedure, you're likely to not need a spanking. If you still feel that a spanking is warranted (kid is WAY out of control) do it hard and fast while maintaining control over your own body. When the punishment is over, offer the child the chance to voice themselves. Get down to their level, show gentle touch, and offer a short but exact explaination why the action that got them in trouble is not acceptable. Then move on with your lives.



You might notice that the procedures are very similar to eacah other, but one includes spankings and the other doesn't. Some kids respond to spankings better than others, and vice versa. The most important part is how you control yourself during and after the punishment. Children will pick up on that, and add it to their learned behavior skillset. I imagine you'd want them to be controled when they are disciplining their own kids, so keep that in mind if possible.

Just a little suggestion from one parent to others. Might work for you, might not. It doesn't always work 100% for me, but it's helped more times than not.

GaryTheNoTrashCougar said:

no i dont i just think the parent has losted it with the child, i have never hit smacked my child and never will do.

Dauphin said:

too true just remember you will be an old person one day and they may do to you what you did to them.

unlucky7 said:

if it makes you feel any better, you've never come across on the org as sad and pathetic

GaryTheNoTrashCougar said:

He's Awesome. Some people just don't get his jokes, but that's just because they deet dee dee.

MickG said:

My mother sent me to my room once, when I was about 8 or 9... So I hammered a screw into the keyhole from the inside. A neighbour got a ladder and crept through my window to rescue me and remove the screw. She never told me to go to my room again. I must have been locked in there for ten hours. Ha!

I also used to throw myself downstairs if ever she spanked me. Sometimes I'd just jump from the top step but if I was being super-dramatic, I'd sit inside a cardboard box, tape it up from the inside and rock the box backwards and forwards until the box tumbled downstairs.

I also used to secretly eat tons of salt in bed, to make myself sick, if I had a minor gripe.

Justin1972UK said:

unlucky7 said:

I love your avatar, by the way.

my kids do get spankings but not often. usually all i have to do is talk to them or take away the xbox and game cube for a couple of days:

1. i clothe and feed you. do not i repeat do not have a nasty attitude with me.
2. i don't tolerate tempertantrums, stomping, fallin' out or whatever. that shit don't fly.
3. when i'm talking-listen
4. don't act a fool in public and respect your elders

they follow these and they will be a-okay . i've never kicked my kids or slap them. unlucky what happened to you was child abuse and i'm sorry that happened to you. no child ever deserves something like that.

Justin1972UK said:

thank you , but it doesn't look right, I have to fix it.

Thanks Sugar
[Edited 4/13/06 12:39pm]

I didn't get many spankings at all, I was a good chile

My mom could give me a look & I knew some shit was gonna go down if I didn't get it together quick And I'm not even sure she would have spanked me, it was just the THREAT of something happening that was enough for me.

Parents today spoil the shit of their kids - I would never even think of cussing @ my mom or yelling @ my dad. There's so little respect now. I think a certain amount of fear/repercussion is good. Not an overwhelming amount, but a pinch to keep a mf in line...

brownsugar said:

you're a good mom...and i think when kids are given rules like that at an early age, they make sense out of them as they get older and it really does inform their character when they become adults.

Heh...funny thing my mom still gives me "the look" yeah when that happens I know to shut it! The look usually evolves from me and my sister acting retarded and getting on her nerves.



When I was younger I would not heed "the look" and got my ass beat....I then learned how far I could push her and when to stop.
[Edited 4/13/06 13:13pm]

Hmm

Ok so when I was young, I got beat, hit, slapped, punched

be it stick, hand, belt, hairbrush, dog lead, horse crop, nuns fucking fist and silver rings lol, anything some could grab hold of etc etc etc


If I was naughty, I got my punishment

I wasnt a naughty person

but if I was naughty once, boy did I feel it.. any one of the above

so made me not do it again..

I learned

did me no harm

-ish

(I think)

anyway being hit was instantaneous.. you got a sore ass and that was it

better than learning 10 hail marys off by heart or some other task they put you to

oh!
I think I wanna cry..




lol




anyway.. its shit..

but you get a hell of a lot more shit if you dont learn to fight..

in those days, it was about survival

and if someone gave you shit.. you gave it them back.. twice as hard

thats what I know
and what I have learned
[Edited 4/13/06 15:47pm]

Anx said:

My kids were spanked...you have to get them early because if they KNOW that
an ass slap could come at any moment, chances are that a STERN talking is
all that they'll need as they get older.

My sis's son has never been spanked...and you would never know who is
in charge of that house, him or her...

I'm British, so I enjoyed a good spanking.

Spookymuffin said:

Yeah, I've heard that about you Brit men.

ive gotten hit with the following




Shoes

Slippers

Ash trays ( the big 70's glass ones)

IAintTheOne said:

Sorry 4 that, but that "(big 70's glass ones)" is funny .. Those were some big ole ash trays

I was whacked in the head with a hockey stick by one parent. The other one also used to lock me up in a small kitchen closet and go outside for a cigarette. When I was 17 and I could not be physically forced anymore to obey I got once hit on my arm with a pair of scissors. It was meant to land on my chest I'd figure but I managed to block it just in time.

Tough love. And I came out just fucking perfect in the end, obviously.

Anx said:

Anx, you have made all the excellent points on this thread that I'd be attmepting to make had you not taken care of it.

I'm sick to death of overly permissive parents. Their kids go to school with my kids and don't know how to fucking act. Five, six, seven year olds walking around with this sense of entitlement and no sense of respect or how to treat people, peers or teachers. It makes me nuts.

My daughters get spanked once in a while. I talk to them all the time about what the expectations in our family are, and what their limits are. What I will accept and what is absolutely unacceptable. They know what they're doing. So when they decide to test me by being overtly disrespectful, they get a pop in that ass. Like Anx and Lammastide said, because they know the reality of that consequence, usually The Look does it. But there have been a few times, when they really lost their damn minds, that I have skipped over The Look entirely.

And they're awesome, well-adjusted, respectful, sensitive and creative people. When they do get punished, more often than not they acknowledge to me after the fact that they deserved it.

brownsugar said:

This is pretty much my philosophy.

the other day my daughter didn't want to clean her room, she came into my room to whine about it. I was laying on my bed ultra comfortable and really truly did not want to move. After I made it clear to her that I wasn't hearing the "it'll take to long" cop out she turned on her heel and stomped out of my room. Now like I said I was ultra comfortable, but I knew if I didn't call her on that stompin away shit I'd pay later, so as she turned the corner, I leapt ( yeah that's right it was that mama power) from the bed and got to her before she got out of the hall way. The look on her face was all I needed to see, because when I asked her "Is there a problem?" she said "oh no ma'am" and took her ass in that room and got to cleaning. 45 minutes later she appeared at my door book in hand asking if she could read with me, "room clean?" I asked "yes ma'am" was her reply, as she climbed into bed with me.

now if I hadn't have popped that ass in the past me getting up would have meant nothing.

i'm all for it

im not going to hurt the child, but they need to know whats right
and im not about to go all nany 911 and negotiate with a 2 year old.
damn its been happening for centuries yall..