I know this is a difficult question but I need to know what the org thinks. I know there are some ppl here that are in long term relationships.
So- here's my question-
Do any long term relationships thrive on passion or does it always fade and you are just left with a great friendship that carries you through until you are too old to be passionate anyways?
If it is possible to remain passionate about someone that you are with for a long time?
I guess I ask this because my husband and I have been together for 10yrs as a couple this year. Our passion left a long time ago- there's a deep love for one another and he still feel passion for me (though he is not a deeply passionate man) but I have lost it for him a long time ago.
I just want to know if this is it- is this what happens after 10 yrs?
I don't know my heart says one thing and my head says another..

shanti0608 said:

each relationship is going to be different, of course

Ours thrives on both passion and friendship ... the passion sometimes comes and goes as all things in life do, in cycles

and yes it is possible to be passionate about someone for a long time

we have been together 20 yrs ... and like i said naturally things cycle but even when it's a low passion vibe cycle you can stimulate it to return through thoughts and actions

i think passion stays when both people allow each other to change and the two partners take delight in getting to know each other over and over again through the changes that life brings. it's when one person expects the other to stay the same person that the passion goes away, because then the relationship becomes about fulfilling expected roles and then it comes down to routine and obligation, rather than really getting to the meat of who the other person is.

Mach said:

very well put - i agree wholeheartedly.

Shanti - best of luck to you!

If you are like me....you NEED passion, it's impossible to be happy without that. A desire to be together, a need to be loved, a passion for each other. It has to be on both sides. Without that its just like being room mates. Room mates with a load of obligation and a heap load more bills.
Without passion of one form or another i don't feel alive. If i don't feel alive then there is no point. It will drive you down and down and down.

I wish you happiness, love and above all peace, my friend

Thanks everyone-

Anx said:

Nicely said.

I think long term relationships must have passion to thrive. I know plenty of couples that are very passionate after many, many years together. I know plenty of couples that stayed together long after the passion was gone as well.
To answer your question, I don't think loosing passion for one another is something that just happens after a certain amount of time. I do think it is easier to become complacent about things when two people have been together a long time.


Follow your heart.

For me....passion comes and goes... the friendship is always there.

Aside from our problems and the obvious breakup, my ex wife and I were passionate til the very end. And even for a while after the end!

But seriously, that feeling never faded. Everyone is different though.

SeattleInvasion said:

agreed.

Never get married.

ugh! long term schmong term! ill pass for the moment

Ok-

Sweeny79 said:

Is friendhsip enough to sustain a relationship/marriage?

shanti0608 said:

i didnt mean to sound so harsh it just isn't for me right now i believe that no matter how long two people are together they should remain passionate throughout, even when they are very very old.

brownsugar said:

I agree that why I am having this conflict of heart & mind...

I find, part of the human condition to be a wasted effort on illusonay idealistic thinking, with the focus of "do I or don't i have this".

I spend many days months and years calculating such things.

My wife and I have been with eachother for over 15 years now. We as a rule are pastionate people, and as a result still have much pastion in our lives/relationship.

I believe it is the getting bogged down in lifes little problematic situwatitions that lets the fire die. Mind you, we Don't have Children, a choice we made. This, may as we percieved, among other benifits, have lead to the pastionfilled relationship. We too are long time friends.

I believe the passion dies in the individual, and maybe what you need is to relight your own fire. Have you talked with your man about your feelings? Or do you like too many just keep these things bottled up? If you can't talk about your feelings, are you sure you can even say you have friendship?

shanti0608 said:

maybe your changing. its something that you really need to talk about with your husband if your really not sure before you make any drastic decisions.

I changed a long time ago- I let myself believe that I did not need passion or romance. My husband is not either one of those things. We never fought or ever disagreed and I thought that was great but I am finding that there are things I need that he cannot/will not provide for me?
We have discussed these things- he says he can live without sex to be with me forever...
I do not know if I can...

shanti0608 said:

you should go to marriage counseling. we all have ups and downs. as i said before really think about what your doing before you do it. and honestly this is not the place for advice-go to counseling. be careful what you ask for.

brownsugar said:

We have been going and we are going again. he does not communicate so it makes it hard.

shanti0608 said:

well then if you feel there is nothing else to do-make your move.
[Edited 4/5/06 18:11pm]

MartyMcFly said:

where have you been?

shanti0608 said:

marriage counsellor say the marriages that still retain their passion have an interesting thing in common, the couple actually hold an idealised version of their partner in their mind, almost like putting them on a pedestal (I don't think this works if it's only one sided though).
I've been with my husband 11 1/2 years and we are the best of friends and have an incredible drive to achieve things, similarly ambitious. We both have skills/traits the other admires so much and we both say to each other "I can't believe you picked me to be with!" and we both think we hit the jackpot in terms of finding 'the one'.
We have constraints with the amount of intimate time we can spend together (work, kids, tiredness) but when we manage it, the sparks of passion can really fly!

I could imagine it would be quite easy to kind of "drop out" of a relationship, cause you have to work at it, love does not just happen to you.

charlottegelin said:

We have worked at it- I guess he could not provide the passion I needed and I kind of got tired of trying and not being understood - so I hide my true self.. Hard to explain..

shanti0608 said:

so in your mind it's over then?

charlottegelin said:

I do not know really- will not decide until we do more therapy together..
You are lucky you found someone that understands you and loves you for you..
[Edited 4/5/06 19:14pm]

shanti0608 said:

I am, and I think it to myself a hundred times a day. Actually HE is the lucky one, but he tells me I'm the lucky one
Good luck