3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

jerseykrs said:

So, this is the point at which I choked on a strawberry. . .

dont ....


ever ....


go into

wal mart






why?

dont ....


ever ....


go into

wal mart

Mach said:

Imago said:

whatever!


would you learn to post a reply with a quote already.....

Mach said:

**THINGS TO DO AT WALMART WHEN YOU'RE BORED**


1.Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they don't realize it.

2.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute
intervals throughout the day.

3.Make a trail of Mountain Dew on the floor, leading
to the restrooms.

4.Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official
tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and
see what happens.

5.Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn
them all off and turn the volumes to "10."

6.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of
gift wrap.

7. Put M&M's on layaway.

8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

9.Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others
you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from
Bed and Bath.

10.When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry
and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

11.Look right into the security camera, and use it as
a mirror while you pick your nose.

12.Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a
full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

13.Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

14.While handling guns in the hunting department,
suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the
anti-depressants are.

15.Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of
the restrooms.

16.Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme
from "Mission Impossible."

17.Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the
store.

18.In the auto department, practice your "Madonna"
look with various funnels.

19.Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse
through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"

20.When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,
assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's
those voices again!"

21.If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink;
explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they
can put a little umbrella in it.

22.Go into one of the fitting rooms and yell real
loud..."Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"

-----

Additions:

23. ask a hapless stock clerk what preparation h is
for. when they tell you, tell them you've always just
used a pair of tweezers and a hacksaw.

24. nonchalantly come up behind another shopper. when
he picks up any given item, bat it violently out of
his hand, shrieking "NO! not that one! that one is
*skippy's*!" glance nervously from side to side,
saying "the last person who took skippy's [item] is
still in icu."

25. at the customer service counter, deny
vociferiously having anything to do with the sri
lankian plot to have all oven mittens removed from the
shelves.

26. in the clothing department, whenever someone looks
at a pair of pants, snicker and repeat "pants pants
pants pants pants" the whole time, perhaps mixed in
with "are you going to buy some PANTS?!"

27. as someone picks up a mop, broom, or other common
household item, wink at them and say in a knowing
voice, "i know what you're going to do with *that*."

28. replace all of the ads with the little yellow
smiley face with photos of joe denton.

29. pretend you are slalom skiing throughout the whole
store, and that the other customers are moguls. make
loud whoosing noises, and occasionally wipe out
spectacularly.

30. if you are a man, pick up a package of prolong,
and walk up to another hapless stock worker with a
desperate look on your face. say "will this help?!" in
a barely-audible whisper.

31. similarly, pick up a package of condoms, and ask
the same worker "do these come in smaller sizes?"

32. have a pet department worker assist you with
getting a fish from the fullest tank of small,
disposable fish. insist on getting aspecific one.
after s/he finally catches it for you, say "ooo!! that
one's even better!" and insist on the other one.
repeat until you are shot.

33. wrap yourself in tinfoil from head to toe, walk
over to where the bbq grills are, and try to crawl
into the largest one you can find, saying "i'm a baked
potato! i'm a baked potato!" loudly.

34. hide in plain sight (the middle of an aisle works
well.) when anyone walks by you, shout "BOO!" loudly,
and then mutter "sucker" under your breath.

35. pull an eddie james with the person offering
sample tidbits. an "eddie james" is when someone bugs
you about something you don't want to be bugged about,
and you out-bug them. for example: "would you care to
try our fresh-made roadkill surprise?" "why yes, yes i
would. say! are these capers?" "no...." "i love
capers. capers originally came from italy, you know.
so how did you cook it?" "well, we baked it in this
little oven at about 350 degrees for..." "350? really?
i made this turkey once, and i roasted it at 350
degrees, but it didn't turn out very well. my
grandmother once said that capers prevent heart
attacks, did you know that? anyhow, what kind of
cheese did you use?" and so forth.

36. have a conversation with a loaf of bread. laugh
riotously every now and then.

37. wear your full-face helmet into the store with the
visor down. make darth vader noises, and sashay
dramatically about, using a sheet for a cape.

38. pull a jack baird: wear dark sunglasses, and bring
a distinctly non-seeing-eye dog into the store on a
normal leash. close your eyes and see where your dog
leads you. it's best if the dog does things like
jumping up on meat cases and leading you into poles.

39. ask someone to tell you what catsup tastes like.
after they do, shake your head and say "nope, that
wasn't it then."

40. in office supplies, staple your pantlegs together,
and then your sleeves to your shirt. in an unearthly
screech, scream "not again!!!" and hop out of the
store frantically.

41. pretend canned good scare you. if someone passes
near you who has cans in their cart, dive for the
nearest shelter, whimpering.

42. there is no number 42.

43. when checking out, demand a price check on every
item, muttering that the clerk is probably trying to
rip you off.

44. sing or speak the commercial for every item you
put into your cart. if you don't know the ad, make one
up.

45. pick up a box of condoms, and take them to the
clothing department. hold up the box, and ask if they
have fitting rooms.

46. claim to be zeus. flirt with lawn ornaments.

Mach said:

I bought some cool Army pants there. $12.99.


M

dont ....


ever ....


go into

wal mart

dont ....


ever ....


go into

wal mart

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

..and they have pop tarts 4 only a dollar!

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

This reminds me of George Carlin's How to keep people on their toes bit from "What the Hell am I doing in New Jersey?"album... that's got to be the funniest shit I have ever heard!

DMSR54 said:

Get out!!!!! Hi you!


M