Women are the most selfless creatures. Delicate and emotional, scared to death of the simplest things; yet, in the marrow of peril, whether real or perceived, they will throw themselves into the thick of it to save their own children with not even an iota of hesitation.

Today, I talked my sister and brother-in-law into going canoeing with me on the Little Manatee River ( http://www.canoeoutpost.c...natee.html ). The Little Manatee river has been given the distinction of “Outstanding Florida Waterway”, which is an indication that it’s waters are pure and that it’s meandering footprint on the Florida landscape is relatively unspoiled by residences and Industry. And indeed, it lives up to it’s reputation for the most part.

But none of this matters to my sister, Jane. She is deathly afraid of fresh bodies of water, especially in the state of Florida. This is because all manner of harmful creatures lurk in our waters from Alligators, the Florida Crocodile, escaped pythons, and various insects with nasty bites. To her, the Florida waterways are infested would be killers.

The arrangement was pretty simple. We had to rent 2 canoes, Jane and Trent taking the first one, and Me and the 2 boys (ages 6 and 7) taking the second one. Their parents offered to take the boys, but I’m so fucking cool, they opted to go with me. This became a problem as I shall now describe.

Mitchell was up front steering the canoe while I was in the back doing the same. The trip had 3 stops spanning several miles which none of us were physically well prepared to handle, naive uppity yuppie bastards that we are. Ergo from time to time the Canoe would veer off course and skirt into low hanging branches on the banks of the river. Or worse yet, when we hit certain very shallow patches of river (which contains multiple sand bars), the canoe would get stuck and I would need to get out and push it (as would Trent for their canoe).

By the time we reached the second stop we where relatively exhausted and the water had gone from the shallow clear water with a sandy white bottom to that of a deeper black water (from dark vegetation at the bottom).

This is where my canoe tipped over. Mitchell had gotten tired of steering the canoe leaving me to do it for both children, I myself dehydrated and exhausted. Jane and Trent had turned around the corner of the meandering river some distance ahead of us. Unable to correct the course and hit by a sudden gust of wind (Which surprisingly has a lot of affect on a canoe despite it’s relatively small footprint) we came crashing into the edge of the river. The kids treated each of our crashes (of which there were a few) as a certain game. They would get dramatic and wave their arms about pretending that we were in peril. This time, they were right.

In a flash the Canoe tipped over and sent us into the river. Due to the depth of that section of river, I was completely unable to reach the bottom to get a firm footing, nor was I able to visually determine the depth due to the darkness of the water there. Thus I had no leverage in trying to flip the canoe back over without breaching the hull with water. Within a flash of a second I realized that the canoe was on top of Harrison, the 6 year old. With all the strength I had in me I flipped the canoe back over but it had swallowed so much water from the process that it started to sink somewhat and become heavy and I was unable to keep it in my grasp. Within a split second after that the boys started panicking due to the fact that we where aware this river had alligators in it and I rushed up to them and forced them upon the steep bank along the river, which unfortunately was too steep to climb, soaking wet. Some of Jane’s paranoia had sunk into me and all I could think of was that they were going to be breakfast for some nasty animal. I pushed them on to the bank and tried to force them to clime it, but the boys refused because the foliage on the bank above them had thorns and was hurting them. Feeling more than a bit helpless, I yelled for Jane and Trent as loudly as I could hoping they were in earshot (mind you, we pedaled for an hour without seeing a single other human being).
Buddha’s spirit must have been with me that day, as within minutes I saw the other canoe come around the corner and Trent paddling towards us. “oh God, “ he said, “Is everyone ok?”
“Yes, just take the boys, “ I said feeling less heroic really and more or less just scared of Jane’s wrath if they were to be hurt. I pulled his canoe towards us carefully (as I was too afraid it would tip as well). At that moment I realized that Jane was not on the canoe.
“Where the fuck is Jane?” I asked panicked.
“She jumped, “ he said.
Apparently as soon as they saw my canoe up against a low lying tree branch half filled with water and with nobody on it, she jumped in the water and swam towards my voice. This was not a deliberate plan of hers, but a natural instinct. Her body simply couldn’t let her mind rationalize the situation, for it would’ve been easier for them to pull the canoe over to us and to do body swap-out at that point. But without even a second of thought, she was in that “dangerous water” swimming without a lifejacket, and without even a care in the world for her own safety.
It was amazing to me. Absolutely amazing.
I managed to push Harrison up onto the boat, then Mitchell, at which point I swam to a nearby knocked down tree and hugged on to that. Jane was able to push the half sunk canoe close enough for me to grab it. It took a great deal of fuss and all the strength I had but I was able to flip the canoe again using the tree as leverage, allowing for as little water as possible (within my own ability) into the hull. In the end we were all safe. A wee bit shaken, but safe and relieved.
I am amazed that the entire time, Jane had felt no fear and absolutely no concern for herself. None.

A woman is an amazing creature. Selfless beyond her own capabilities, and ironically able to move mountains because of this. I am in awe.

This was not a perfect trip, nor a perfect story. My expensive backpack filled with expensive toys (my cellphone, my iPod Nano, my expensive radio car-key, my digital camera) all stopped working—all rendered useless. (thank gawd my iPod and Cellphone are covered under ridiculously expensive no hassle warrantee plans, and my digital camera, though broken was able to prevent water from leaking into the memory card component (hence the pictures you see here).

By the end of the day, we were all exhausted. Though I didn’t actually attempt to catch the oder, I’m sure my balls may have rivaled the other day in pungent oder. I hadn’t showered that morning, and Fermented river water mixed with sweaty unclean balls probably is pretty gross.

Anyways, thanks for letting me share.


AnotherLoverToo edit
[Edited 4/10/06 18:52pm]

Here's a picture of the trip.

Interesting story, well written.

And you managed to get your balls in there too. Surely a bonus for all the but the staunchest Imago-hater. ( )

Fauxie said:

Does this mean you'll finally just give up and be my boo?

Imago said:

Probably not, no, but your story was nice.

Fauxie said:

Thanks. It's not like we're friends or anything.

oh sweetie that sounds absolutely HORRIBLE !!!!!


im so glad everyone is ok.. and yes, the mother's instinct is something to behold.. when i was 8 years old, my mother had me watch my younger brother at the house for a minute while she went out to feed the horses. being the idiot i was, i decided to go look for mom for whatever reason. we walked behind a horse - he was 2 years old i think - and my brother let his hand brush across the horse's tail.... the horse kicked my brother in the head so hard his little body flipped up in the air and landed lifeless on the ground. i didnt see any of that, but what i saw, and REMEMBER to this day was my mother running as fast as humanly possible and then jumping a full sized fence, both hands planted, both legs clearing the fence in one motion she looked like she was in the damn olympics lol... we can laugh about it now, but at that point, my brother suffered a concussion and had something like 50+ stitches



there is no love like a momma's love (dad's dont jump my case here)





again, so VERY glad you are safe this could have been a horrible story...


















































oh, and wash those balls

Imago said:

Yeah, you don't really want to be my man, you only wanna feel me up.

notoriousj said:

You like the juxtiposition of "Outstanding Florida Waterway" and my balls, don't you.

Excellent!

Imago said:

Imago said:

I know I find the juxtaposition of "Buddha’s spirit must have been with me that day" and your smelly balls interesting. You say Florida's waterways are typically filled with vicious, man-eating alligators who won't normally think twice about tearing someone a new one?

...
[Edited 4/8/06 22:23pm]

glad 2 read u r all ok.

So, no underwater pictures then?

Sucking up aint going to get you any.

bkw said:

You didn't actually READ the story, did you?

HamsterHuey said:

I cant READ yet but i AM having lessons.

bkw said:

YOU ASSHOLES ARE CRAMPING MY STYLE!

Imago said:

can you orgnote me the summary? you know, 3 or 4 lines will do.....

I can do it in one line, hehehe.

Anyways. What style, Dan?

This is the best thread I've ever posted!

Imago said:

sure it is.

Imago said:

I kinda liked The Sweaty Balls Reprise...

But that's it.

Imago said:

No, this is your 'I'm Going To Be Nicer'.

Fauxie said:

GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!


but take pictures.

Imago said:

I agree. Mochalox.

Fauxie said:

She's very pretty.

But this is about you and me

Imago said:

Yep, she sure is fine.

and you mister????? tell me you were wearing your lifejacket?????






glad everyone is okay.