MartyMcFly said:

where have you been?

shanti0608 said:

I am, and I think it to myself a hundred times a day. Actually HE is the lucky one, but he tells me I'm the lucky one
Good luck

SeattleInvasion said:

agreed.

I find, part of the human condition to be a wasted effort on illusonay idealistic thinking, with the focus of "do I or don't i have this".

I spend many days months and years calculating such things.

My wife and I have been with eachother for over 15 years now. We as a rule are pastionate people, and as a result still have much pastion in our lives/relationship.

I believe it is the getting bogged down in lifes little problematic situwatitions that lets the fire die. Mind you, we Don't have Children, a choice we made. This, may as we percieved, among other benifits, have lead to the pastionfilled relationship. We too are long time friends.

I believe the passion dies in the individual, and maybe what you need is to relight your own fire. Have you talked with your man about your feelings? Or do you like too many just keep these things bottled up? If you can't talk about your feelings, are you sure you can even say you have friendship?

brownsugar said:

thanks...i'm glad that made sense to at least a couple of people.

There is some great advice here. I was in a 8 year relationship with someone that was very passionate. We were both passionate to the end. The problem was that we were passionate when we fought as well as when we made love. So I had some real highs with him and some real lows.

I can't wait to talk to you in Seattle. Woo hoo!!
Hopefully you will have worked this out.


M

what are you doing yourself Shanti to add to the passion?
I'll be married 17 years in June, and this past year is the first year that we've had intimacy. I don't mean physical intimacy, but emotional. It took me that long to learn what it was. Passion comes with honesty and intimacy. Passion comes when you go out to a movie and dinner even though you really don't want to. Otherwise you're stuck in a rut of the same ol thing. It's half up to you to stir the passion. A new perfume. A small gift which means alot..a card that says I love you just because..an act of kindness just cause..and of course have you spoken to your husband about it..?

well- I used to be very passionate and romantic- my husband does not get into all of that. He tells me he does not have a romantic bone in his body. He has no interest in learning. Personally- I have tried new perfumes, small gifts... thinking he will get the hint- I have tried telling him and he says it is not him...
So- I have to decide if I can live without all of those things...

shanti0608 said:

I tell you, my loins were on fire!!

charlottegelin said:

It's hard for Rach and I to do all the romantic stuff with kids and having to work different shifts. I only see her for maybe 10 minutes each day unless it's the weekend. I sooooo want to get a day job.

MickG said:

Mick I was expecting your response on this thread, lol!

I've only had one long-term relationship...and to be honest, it never really had what you'd call "passion" in it from the beginning. There was attraction, and some occasional lust...but I guess passion, to me, is born from something far deeper than physical attraction or desires. I never really felt that with her. We had a friendship, and the friendship became even more real as the years went on...but that "something", that connection, that thing that affects me and stirs my body and mind and heart? It was rarely there, if ever. I convinced myself it never really exists in anyone's relationships...or if it does, it fizzles out after 6 months anyway, so I should be content with what I had. That didn't work, tho...

I love the power of true passion felt...and I value the realness of true friendship in a romantic relationship. I'm not sure I could ever be happy only having one or the other.
[Edited 4/6/06 18:07pm]

Passion is something I can't live without. Those old people that you see at Denny's that never talk to each other? I'd kill myself--or my spouse--if I ended up like that. Sure, when you're in a tenured relationship, the urge to strip their clothes off at the mere sight of them fades ... but you still have to do spontaneous, passionate acts like throwing everything off the kitchen table so you can have a hard fuck (something I haven't done in years).

That scene in "A History of Violence" when the wife wears the cheerleader outfit to bed? A wonderful scene...mainly because you NEVER see married couples in movies who are still passionate towards each other.

Case said:

I love that scene in A History of Violence!

It's true about keeping the passion and spontaneouity(I give up on the spelling) alive. A friend of mine told me that she still walks into her parents living room and catches them making out. I think that's awesome.
M

That's why i don't get involved in long term relationships. When it stops being fun i get out. Life is too short to be struggling to keep it fun.

i think passion stays when both people allow each other to change and the two partners take delight in getting to know each other over and over again through the changes that life brings. it's when one person expects the other to stay the same person that the passion goes away, because then the relationship becomes about fulfilling expected roles and then it comes down to routine and obligation, rather than really getting to the meat of who the other person is.

If the woman is not turning you on anymore, if you are not having fun, and it's not exciting there is no point in sticking around. What's wrong with that? You don't want to waste the rest of your life. I am not into difficult relationhips.
[Edited 4/11/06 21:14pm]

I know what it feels like.

jerseykrs said:

Thanks! It really helps to know that someone understands

I am going through a crappy time in my life right now but I need to move past it and I plan on doing that...

shanti0608 said:

do it, and do it well