Captain's Note: Formerly a thread intended to be an April Fool's Day joke about the alleged discovery of the actual size of my penis. Catchy misleading title has been added to attract attention to my pathetic attempt at deception.


You will hear this later from some reliable sources purporting to be the Associated Press. I am going to go ahead and break the story in hopes of lessening the absolute shock that will overwhelm you like so much incontinence. A former lover of mine, a woman I trusted with my heart for a good solid hour, alleges to have pictures of my manhood which experts are describing as being "merely adequate to downright tiny". There is also alledgedly a videotape of me pointing at my package and saying something to the effect of "Look at my tiny sea urchin...pity me, pity me". I may have slighly fibbed about the size of my jolly roger but it was only because of deep-seeded psychological issues that go back to the Captain's childhood.

I beg your forgiveness, Org, for my deception.
[Edited 4/1/06 12:27pm]
[Edited 4/1/06 17:43pm]
[Edited 4/1/06 17:59pm]

I'm completely serious. I realize that today is April Fool's Day but this is a genuine post.

I'm hung like a smurf. For real.

You see, on April 1, you are prone to believe that threads with outlandish claims like this are falsehoods created just for cheap laughs. Never could something like this, me being hung like a horsefly, be possibly true, you say. It messes with the fabric of your belief system to think that the Captain could possibly be anything else other than well-endowed. I know, there is pain that you feel here and there is doubt but why would someone put something this embarrassing on a site hundreds of thousands read if he were not being true.

I'm a smallfry, people. Deal with it.

okay..ill post on your thread....


thank you...goodnight...

Yeah, I have to admit. Pretty embarrassed here. This seemed like a pretty good idea at the time you know? Take something that everybody knows about the Captain, his large manhood, and do a little post-ironic, ironic tongue in cheek kind of tomfoolery. I mean obviously I am not hung like a titmouse and obviously this is an April Fool's Day gag gone horribly wrong.

Order is restored in the universe. I am hung like Mr. Ed. Sorry for the obviously farcical post and I will never do it again.
[Edited 4/1/06 12:27pm]

Yeah me too. Oh well.

Now THAT would have been a great April Fool's Day thread. Oh well, live and learn.

Just admit it, its 2 inch hard.

CaptainChaos said:

It looks like the Loch Ness monster wont be making an appearance then.

damn..and I was all like, my god, Nessie!!!!! They've found Nessie!!!

I could have gone the other way:

"CaptainChaos marries the Loch Ness Monster...then is consumed by Ryan Seacrest"

That would have been awesome!

CaptainChaos said:

It could also have gone this way: The Loch Ness monster consumes Captainchaos and I marry Ryan Seacrest, ( I dont even like Ryan Seacrest, he's like 5'2 and those shiny teeth just dont do it for me, but I would marry him just to see you consumed by the Loch Ness monster.)

LleeLlee said:

Yes, but would you marry Brian Dunkelman to see Nessie eat me up?