susannah said:

Same here...the "foreseeable future" being the rest of my life.

applekisses said:

Now thats not a very proactive attitude! You cant predict the future you know! No need to shut them out completely....

applekisses said:

susannah said:

Exactly. I don't let the sub par women i always come across keep me from searching for any pretty blondes out there.

Mach said:

Amen.

Spats said:

Exactly.



well that was wierd.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Bingo. If you're in a situation where you realize you're not that in love with someone, but they are really in love with you - You feel trapped. No matter what you do to try and end the relationship, you're gonna be seen as the bad guy. If you're blunt and upfront, then you get labeled as a pig. If you beat around the bush then you're a coward.

Huh.... thanks Tom...

susannah said:

OK I feel bad now....

susannah said:

bad about what?

Tom said:

Sorry, my inability to type made that unclear Meant to hit edit, not reply!

Bad about all the stuff I said about my particular guy. But thanks for the other side of the story, I probably need it

mdiver said:

(or until Phil gets here )


"There is only one woman in the world. One woman, with many faces."

-- Satan

Tom said:

I would always rather hear the truth, even if it hurts. Hurtful situations do not require anyone to be labelled a pig or a coward.....

applekisses said:

CarrieLee said:

yup it does.

like I said, I have done it too.

So while this sucks and people that have no backbone suck it seems like a double standard from my experience.

Every woman I've dated wanted to be married since high school. Did they say that at any point? Hell no, they dropped subtle hints and made comments about others but they had an agenda sometimes before I even met them. So a relationship developes and at some point they make their minds up that I'm the husband but never communicate it. Well, maybe I'm not going to get married or maybe I've not witnessed too many successful mariages but whatever. When the cards are layed on the table, a guy in this situation has 2 choices. 1) to play along until they get someone else (if they can't be alone) and then dump the girl with some lame excuse or 2) come right out and say "I'm not going to marry you" which is the right thing to do but it means the relationship ends quickly. It sucks, because even though I don't want to marry the person I really did care for them and hurting them wasn't the plan, honesty was.

Now, I've never been one to lead someone along and toy with the feelings of someone I care about so I make the choice for #2. Every time it takes a piece of my soul because it is a painful thing to go through. The weak way would be to play her until you get something else and that's just a piece of shit way to deal with someone you care for.

While I do want to be married and start a family, the act of dating rushes things along too fast so this situation repeats itself. If it was a friend that told me she wanted a husband and kids, then things develop into a relationship, I would know what I was in for before things ever moved forward. Communicate and move slow, if in fact, you care about women's feelings like you care for your own. This is what I've learned but it's also why I'm single and not dating.

Slave2daGroove said:

Slave2daGroove said:

somehow what you have said makes sense to me...and probably was the case in my situation. although it still doesn't make what he did or how he handled the situation right.

[quote]

Slave2daGroove said:

One of the few girls i ever loved, wanted to get engaged after going out for only about a year, we were 17? I said "no, i dont wanna get engaged or married right now", and so she got all pissy with me saying "dont u love me then?". We ended the relationship because of it. I still miss her now.
[Edited 3/28/06 18:07pm]

Why do girls go out with assholes to begin with is what i wanna know?


"ooo, underneath his chavvy charisma is a soft side".

Yeah whatever, i heard that shit from u before girl.

thesexofit said:

some girls love assholes because believe it or not, they seem like they take care of business. Like they have their own mind because some guys don't have their own mind. They like to follow and not lead. The assholes let people know how they feel and don't give a fuck about other people's opinions. And thats fine and all, but when the time comes when the asshole starts to denounce his girl is when the girl starts to have a problem with him.

and sometimes, guys are very sincere and nice at first. It when things happen like this that you realize the person that you thought you were lucky to have, has just become the asshole that you should have left a long time ago.
[Edited 3/28/06 18:21pm]

missfee said:

I get the feeling girls are alot more easily manipulated by a pretty face and first impressions, then men are.

Its not to the girls fault, and it works the other way round too. Some girls are so naive, at 20 even, that some still expect some hunky prince charming, and will have huge standards, until she find her "Perfect" man.

jerseykrs said:

I'm honest too, sometimes to a fault. But I'd rather do that than string a woman along. I always tell them marriage/fatherhood is not in my plans. If you can accept that, fine. If not, time to move on.

at the end of the day, no matter HOW he breaks up with you it ends in your heart breaking. Pussyfooing around the issue doesn't really help ease the pain, but guys feel better about themselves if he can make HER dump HIM (with shitty behaviour) rather than vice-versa.

jerseykrs said:

It seems obvious doesn't it, but I learned early on that for your own peace of mind as much as anything, being honest is the only way to go. It keeps things simple, clear, and takes so much drama out of the equation. There's no second-guessing, worrying, wondering, extricating yourself from situations. Of course, you can't automatically make the other person be the same, but for me this mentality has made living my life a lot simpler and less worrysome.

missfee said:

I've bolded the parts so you can really get my point.

thesexofit said:[quote]

I'd like to say "you'll get over it" and you will, but you just never forget and that is a curse.

missfee said:

This is the last thing I'm going to add to this conversation but the real moral of the story is; if you wouldn't be their friend why would you ever be in a relationship with them? All looks fade over time and then you're stuck with just the person.

People will not see whats CLEARLY in front of them. NO ONE is SO adept at covering their true feelings or actions that the other person cant see their partner's attitude towards the relationship.

missfee said:

In other words...The women are fools. It's passed through the generations. Mothers hand it down to daughters and on and on. It will never end and good guys suffer because of it.