crunch time is on at school, for the 4th time this year...why am i feeling it more this time around? finals arent as different as the finals in first semester...

deadlines are sneaking up on me, no matter how much i know i can do it i still feel like it won't be good enough

im broke - i dont know how im going to pay for school next year other than loans...this year was good i only owe 2000$ 2 the gov't the rest were all bursaries and scholarships...yeah - they're night to first year students...im afraid they wont be as nice next year

im turning 20 soon...and i couldnt dread it more...my mom and sister are trying to dress me up in old prom outfits because im going to a wedding on the same day as my birthday..i dont want to look like im trying hard to stay looking 17...i want to look my age and maybe it'll fit me more...and i think they're the problem...they're not letting me be ME...i'm feeling suffocated...but i miss home...

i dont have a job - and it's the hardest thing 2 find one in my city, i cant afford to live anywhere else so it's not like i can find a job in another city - commuting alone would cost me paycheques...im scared i won't find a good enough job to help out @ least with books...

i keep getting this constant feeling that people are losing faith in me...i try to remain happy as to not burden them with my thoughts and heavy emotions, but this mask is cracking...it does every weekend...i cry a lot more often now...by myself usually...it annoys me to cry so i would only imagine that no one else wants to hear me blubbering like an old troll...i'm not sure where i am in my life right now...im running towards something, im not sure if it's what im supposed to be running towards, or if im even going the right way...

i miss him so much, and maybe if i were with him where he is, things wouldn't look so gloomy - but i know i gotta wait till august so i think i can do that...


i just feel...i dont know what i feel
there are things that i want to do to improve my life, and im trying, but the resources aren't there and it makes me look like i'm not trying hard enough when in reality im trying my hardest...

i just don't know...

Yes, I know what you are talking about. I have been there. Keep your eye on the golden ring and keep your hands on them dates.

It will all be worth it in the end. One day you will be like me and miss the pressure and sence of achievement that comes with the ability to perform under pressure.

You need one of these:

girl, your plate is full thats for sure

today may seem like its an uphill battle with no end.... but as time passes, speaking of time passing, you look lovely for your age and 20 is ALMOST when the fun starts ..... anyway, things will slow down soon enough, and you will look back and remember what a struggle it was - and then sit back and feel proud that you did it with such grace.

Just breatheeeee ..... Keep on keeping on... this is just 4 little years of your life... this time sets up a solid fondation for times to come..... You can do this... roll with it and see it through..... take pics in that prom dress for me.... smile like you are the queen you are soon to be and love EVERY moment of it.....

Hang in there Sammi, you're just under a lot of pressure now.
Concentrate on your finals and tackle the rest when they're over.

Any chance of getting an on-campus job? Even if it doesn't pay much, a little money is better than none. I've found it's much easier to get a job when you have a job. Ask people you know who have jobs, if their hiring a their work place. A student loan isn't the worst thing to happen to you. Just plan to pay them back as soon as possible.

Don't sweat the dress thing. I think it's mostly because you're broke and mothers like to get their moneys worth out of a dress by wearing it atleast twice.

Tish-Tosh!
no one is losing faith in you!
Most likely your'e afraid people will find out you have to struggle and ploy thru just like everyone else. Your not superwoman, woman!

I remember beening so stressed during my first finals. I walked out of my last final, went into the crowded student union, not an empty seat in sight. I dropped my books where I stood and collasped in the middle of the floor and stayed there until I summoned enough strength to crawl back to the dorm.

Just take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other. You are, no doubt, doing better than you think. Before you know it, August will be here and we will all be going "where the hell is Sammi?" lol
Cry when you need to, laugh as much as you can.

thanks everyone...it's been a rough evening...

im getting thru it tho...i feel a lot better now that i've had the chance to vent...

you can do this. you're smart and strong. don't lose faith.

YOU my powerful dark goddess sister ... can do this !!

breathe and try to relax when you can

and remember it's not the dress that makes the queen it the light she holds within her heart

Mach said:

i cant tell you how much i enjoy that


and again, thank you 2 everyone today's a new day, and so far, well, it's not as bad as yesterday...

Best wishes to you from me, Sammi

SHANNA said:

thanks girl hug: