MarieLouise said:

Dunno. But it's always a good excuse to dig up all my old goth records.

You can't put deep emotional feelings like that into relative terms (in other words attach a time frame). I was told last year by the guy that dumped me "I give you 6 months to get over it, then it is your problem, I have found someone I love so you need to move on with your life"....that is crap....follow your heart, and always tell him the truth about what is going on in your head, just be protective of your heart while doing so.

SeattleInvasion said:

I knew that. I might be very confused at the moment, but I knew that's the risk of posting things like this on the internet.

By the way, most of you have been so overwhelmingly nice that's it's bringing me to tears. I've had my first org-call ever. So in spite of all this shit, there's a reason to celebrate.

Thanks too (nearly) all of you !

Spats said:

Women can cheat like that, I know many guys suffering from it. I'm sure they won't open their heart to you, Spats, with your incredible understanding.

Don't worry girl, one day you'll just STOP loving him. You can accept this kind of relationships all your life, but maybe you deserve better.

Take your time to set up your mind.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

In my opinion, you do need to take some time apart from him to really get clarity on the issue(s) between you two, and how you are feeling about the problems and if/how you want to handle them. Also, though being apart from him and away from the direct emotionality of the relationship will be difficult at first, doing so will give you a renewed sense of strength and independence -- which will serve you well no matter HOW you proceed later on in regards to your relationship with him.

Good luck to you. No one deserves the pain you are feeling right now.

MarieLouise said:

No, I don't think that's the best idea either. You'll feel even worse.

Think about all the good people in your life and how important they are to you. Remember that love is great if it's real on both sides. Think about what you want out of a relationship and don't settle for less. Also remember that you will love again and it will be better than before. Broken hearts mend. Don't forget that.

MarieLouise said:

put it back together and move on.

LleeLlee said:

i agree also sometimes its hard to let go when your confused but you have to make yourself for the good of you.

i can't and won't give you relationship advice since i haven't
managed to make any of my own relationships work this far. all
i know is that you do need to put yourself and your own needs,
feelings and wishes first at this time.

MarieLouise said:

Oh! that sux! I'm so sorry MarieLouise!
but I can't help but notice that he seems to be blaming YOU for his cheating! That's the old trick you know....he knows the great person that you are will take all the blame onto herself if he just says the right things.
and God forbid he gives you some disease that you'll always have him to remember for! I say leave him before it's too late.

Shorty said:

That's a good point. Shorty is right -- that IS an old trick that cheaters use to deflect responsibility for their actions onto the other person, which is manipulative and WRONG. MarieLouise, I hope you don't fall for that. He cheated due to HIS OWN lack of character and issues...what he did wasn't your fault. If he had a real problem with your relationship, he could've (and should've) come directly to you and discussed it, or broken off the relationship and then moved on. NOT cheated.

I just wanted to support what Shorty pointed out. Many women fall for that "Well, I wouldn't have cheated/lied/hit you/did that if YOU hadn't....etc" and then take the blame and beat themselves up emotionally for something that is NOT their fault!

I know you're hurting enough right now as it is. Don't assume blame for what he did.

I'm so sorry, Marie

MarieLouise said:

Forgive

So sorry MarieLouise ...I hope u make the right decision for u hun

He'll cheat again, next time with another excuse. Unless you want to keep feeling the way you do right now you gotta let this one go. The sooner you do, the sooner you'll feel better. He's shown you how he can be - why trust your heart to someone like this? What's that Maya Angelou saying, "When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM"

Heavy Intoxication to make the pain go away...then when I come back to reality feeling better I go on with life....its happened so often, it does not even bother me anymore. Such is life.

CalhounSq said:

i love that saying from her. its the damn truth

brownsugar said:

yes it is, and unfortunately sometimes its a lesson you learn the hard way, and we've all been there, but it is the truth.

i'm so sorry. like has already been said, no one deserves to feel this way.

i just had one thought on this matter. it's not unheard of for mates to cheat and be forgiven and move on to a happy marriage/life together. but one thing that is almost always the case in these situations (situations where forgiveness leads to a lifelong committed relationship) is that the act of cheating comes from a moment of weakness. the hurt partner forgives and the erring partner realizes what an amazing person the other is, and never cheats again.

but, he said he's in love with her. it wasn't just physical--emotions and feelings were involved, most likely for both of them. and, you said he cheated again. i think, if he's done it twice, the chances that he will change and be true to you are diminishing fast. you deserve someone who loves you so much that the thought of cheating doesn't even cross his mind. i hate to say it, but from my limited knowledge of your situation, it sounds like he has to go. it will hurt, probably for a long time. but it will fade. and when you're ready you will find love. true love.

CarrieLee said:

That always works

No really....LET HIM GO!!

I know from very painful experience.

I used to think that I could never find true love after I was cheated on.

I was totally wrong. DO NOT waste as much time as I did moving on.
[Edited 3/17/06 19:32pm]

MarieLouise said:

What I do is cry my eyes out and then try to count my blessings and ask myself if I deserved it and if that's what I want in life. Do I want someone who will cheat on me, but still says they love me? Is that fair? I don't know, but to me, that is a bit greedy on the other person's behalf. That's having the cake and eating it too. No one deserves to be treated as you have. I know it must be hard with the dreams and all. Good luck to you and I hope you find some peace of mind.

Lots of good advice here...

Sorry I had to bow out yesterday, sweetybums! I was SO tired.

And as I slept very badly I feel baaaaad this morning. I tossed and turned the entire night... it's 5:20 am right now...

Speak to you later, hopefully.

bastard! you deserve better ML!

Hope you are ok this morning Marie and thank you for allowing me in.
To add my little bit to this thread i would echo what we spoke of last night.
You need to take time, think,weigh things up and make sure that this awful situation is used to heal both of you. With no preconceptions of whether that means you will end up apart or together.
Good luck sweetheart and you have my number.....its always on.


[Edited 3/18/06 3:10am]

Marie, like mdiver I hope you are ok this morning and you could get some sleep !
I won't be home until late in the evening today, but I will be thinking of you and turn my msn on before I go to bed in case you are still awake and wanna talk !

Marie

If you wanna talk let me know

One day later... I can't really say the situation has become much clearer. I've been up very late, on my own, basically talking to some orgers on msn and on the phone. I've also called a very good friend of mine, whom I have known since I was 17. We only see each other once in two years, he even has a child I've never seen, but whenever we talk I calm down.

As I'm in a new job, and exams are starting on Wednesday... as I don't have a car and have to work about 14 hours a day... it's simply not possible to leave this appartment for the next two weeks.

Maybe Francisco will be leaving for a while, because we both don't know if it will be possible to wait for each other every other day, missing each other, and then finally seeing each other and having to realize things won't work out that easily. There's no way to wake up from this nightmare...

This evening he's going to see his ex-girlfriend, someone he was with for 6 years. He cheated on her so badly but never had the courage to tell her. In a way I hope he's finally going to tell her, so that there is someone else in this world who knows how dark this world is he's leaving in. Because he's really on his own.

The only way for us to have another chance is when he starts loving the world and people around him, not only me...

At this moment I can't say what will damage me the most, leave right now and never know the answer, or be here...

If I stay with him I'll have to take things differently. One good thing he gave me through this situation is freedom of expression. I don't really care anymore what he thinks of me, because I can't fall any lower. The only thing I can do is be myself, not only the part that is so hurt, but also the part of me that is very loving and is proud to be so, not only towards him, but also towards the rest of the world.

I have a terrible head-ache and wasn't able to eat for a long time, but I'm going to the centre of the city anyway later today. The sun is shining. I'm not that blind that I can't see this.

Thanks to all of you for your comments. I printed them out and gave them to him, together with a long letter I was able to write because you all gave your opinion. No one has the answer to my questions, but you can help me in finding a way in finally being myself, being open and saying/showing everything I am and stand for, including this strange, lovely internet-site.

MarieLouise said:

MarieLouise said:

i hope things get easier for you.

purrrr