I call this one: The Beat of the Love Drum (Oh! So Soft!)

Based on a true story

It is 7:30 on a hot summer night and two lovers are playing Matchbox cars on a cartoon car mat. Dobbes's nasty brown locks shine in the evening sun as he pulls his cherry red toy Camaro into the parking lot of the fictional "Gino Bros. Video Bonanza."

"One day, baby, we will make love in a Camaro kind of like this one," Dobbes remarks to his lover, a wraith maiden known only as "Tarantula."

With this stunning remark, their passions divert away from imaginary car play and towards the sex act. Without a word, they begin sensually licking each other's eye patches (Dobbes's in place simply due to pink eye, but Tarantula is actually missing an eye.)

"Let's skip this foreplay," Tarantula cries out, her voice raspy from years of cigarette smoke and a rare condition called Brillo Throat. "I can wait no longer to be satisfied."

She drops trou to reveal not a vagina, but instead a second mouth with a full set of pirahna teeth. Dobbes knew this woman was somehow related to Dracula, and now he finally had proof.

"I knew you were somehow related to Dracula, woman," he states. "Now, I finally have proof."

They had sex anyway and it was pretty good. The end.
[Edited 3/14/06 8:48am]

This one is a sequel of sorts called "The Search For Dracula"

Dobbes, envigored from a romantic encounter with the beautiful "Tarantula," called up his vampire hunting squad to hip them to their most dangerous mission yet: The hunt and destruction of Dracula. While their numbers were usually many, only one brave hunter showed up; one Brad "Nas-T Nutz" Sanchez. He had in tow a genuine samurai sword from QVC's "Blade Frenzy" weekend.

"That is a fine piece of steel you have there," Dobbes said in reference to the blade.

"Thanks," Sanchez replied. "Perhaps you would like to play sheath to my sword after this mission."

Dobbes pondered upon this innuendo for about a second.

"Yes!" he replied. "But now, we have a job to do."

Soon they were at the graveyard and they had found the tomb of Dracula himself. They dug up Dracula and he emerged from his coffin absolutely livid.

"Dobbes!" his growling voice echoed through the blood red sky. "Did you get your sperm on with my niece?"

"H-how did you know!?"

He cooly lifted his "Comfort Robe" to his waist to reveal a set of toothy genitals indentical to those of Tarantula.

"I-it was YOU!?"

"Bwhahaha!" Dracula laughs. "Yes!"

They had sex again anyway and it was pretty good. The end.

This thread needs pics.

I used to be part of a creative writing group and one time we did write porn fiction for fun... I wrote one that had some of the gals red.... and pressing their knees...

ufoclub said:

Spill it!!!

dude! you my new 2nd favorite orger!!

do you listen to Kool Keith?

CarrieLee said:

I'm scared to post it on here... I could email it to you. Gimme a way...

or should I just post it? It is kind of a very subtle undermining of the whole porn genre, I start in this utopian situation with a barbie doll couple like you would get in a typical porn story.

It's detailed explicit....

dunno if the moderators would want a porn story on here...
[Edited 3/14/06 8:45am]

ufoclub said:

post it

ufoclub said:

I have changed the thread title so it's marked as being naughty so you should have nothing to fear.

ufoclub said:

You can post it...if not then send me an orgnote~!!!

One of my ex's used to write me erotic emails. As soon as I would get into work I'd have one waiting for me...and I'd go to his house at lunch time to ravage him! They were so hot!

Story # 3: A Night to Remember: Whispers of Erotica

Dobbes arrived home after a long day in the local street fighting circut. After a victorious yet devastating battle with Japan's top battler, the White Tiger, his well trained body was battered and bruised. The injuries of today could only be healed by the touch of that one classy lady.

Although Dobbes had enjoyed a post victory tugjob from the White Tiger himself, the palms of a fat, sweaty brawler did not do well to quelch his mighty libido. It was lucky, then, that upon entering their shared bedroom he found his companion, Playboy Playmate "Broadsword Babealcious," ready and waiting upon an erection shaped bed.

"My love!" he exclaimed with surprise. "How did you know?"

"I can smell my man's boner from a mile away!" she replied (She was not joking. This is actually a power that she has).

But lo! As if by magic, Dobbes's legendary rod had disappeared!

"Magic indeed," he thought. "Only the White Tiger could be responsible for this treachery!"

Thinking that the touch of his lover would restore his shaft to it's usual glory, he engaged her in a make-out battle so hot the sun itself burned with envy. It was not long before Babealicous was ready for the locally famous cunnilingal styles of "Hot Rod" Dobbes Jacobson.

However, even this erotic frenzy of events, Dobbes could not get it up. He had to hatch a plan, and quick. Seeing that his lady love was now hungry for some Flesh Cobra, he dug into his nearby Power Bag and dug out the remnants of that day's lunch. With a raised eyebrow, he curtly inserted a Chicken McNugget into Broadsword's awaitng love canal.

"I will not lie, my lover." Dobbes stated with an earnest look on his face. "This man's arousal does not come with it's regular fury tonight, in fact it does not come at all. But fear not! For I feel this shall be a worthy substitute."

Surprisingly she was pretty cool with this and they kept rutty with the McNugget thing for at least a couple of hours. And guess what? It was pretty good. The end.

You're killing me.

I'll find it at home and orgnote it to you during lunch...

CarrieLee said:

OH MY

Coming soon: "Fall of the White Tiger: 24 Combined Inches of REVENGE"

Everyone else should post some nasty tales so I'm not the only one tightening pants and moistening seats around here.

brownsugar said:

POST IT!

minneapolisgenius said:

yeah baby!!!

okay... warning this is a very very subtle parody of porn fiction.... but it delivers the goods...

Summer Porn

It’s a kitten. A little, tiny, meowing kitten. It sounds like a miniature meow that’s been pitched up high, like a cartoon. I inch forward, hunched down, trying to radiate some kind of psychic benevolence. I’m nice people. My calves and thighs are sore from working out the day before. The kitten backs up into the shadows, looking attentively at me. Why does it meow? Is it an exclamation, an involuntary “get away”? The sun is bright, hot on my skin; the shade of my baseball cap keeps it out of my eyes. I can already tell that I’ve got a slight sweat, a “clean sweat” since I had just showered. I swear my sweat smells healthy, completely different and almost pleasant, the days that I’m working out and running. I actually feel good about being a bit too warm in the sun. I always feel alive, almost sparked up when I’m sore from lifting. This is a good summer for me. I’ve been disciplined, and I look good.

I had just been taking out the trash, about to turn and lock the gate to the fenced n dumpster when I first heard it. I think I’ve been here now for 20 minutes, slowly trying to coax this little gray kitten out from behind the dumpster. Its retreating completely now, backed away, disappeared through a tiny opening in the fence. I rise up from my squat, my failed enticement stance. The kitten is gone. I stretch, I should stretch more. I feel like Goliath, the kitten was smaller then the ball of muscle in my forearm.

I lock the gate and head back into the apartment complex. The pool is a dazzling blue, and the sunlight radiates into ripples of light tracing across the concrete bottom. Oh my god, look at those gorgeous girls. There are two of them quietly sunbathing on the side. Their skin is shiny and browning. The bright color of their bikinis… I follow the line of the bikini bottoms with my eyes, down around their asses, down between their legs. So kissable, I would just pull the bottom aside with a finger…

I’m horny. Horny, warm, and feeling worked out…. buff. I love it. This is what is to be an animal, albeit the most complex animal on the planet. But, still an animal. A beautiful animal. This is what it is to be alive.

I can feel my dick stirring, growing ever slow slightly at the thoughts about the girls. It’s packed between my legs, in my shorts. I feel it there, a tiny spark shoot, a hint of possible intense pleasure. I’m coasting on a feeling of high virility. I better stop this before I start walking around like some fool tenting his shorts!

I haven’t checked the mail. I walk over to the mailbox area. It’s towards the other end of the pool. One of the girls has turned over and sat up, and I know she’s looking at me through her dark sunglasses. I can’t see any hint of reaction on her face, on her lips. I quickly glance away, but not before I notice that she was holding her top on… but almost lazily, she let me see part of her breast her nipple was pink, all lit up in the direct sun. She did that on purpose. Her mouth isn’t readable, no hint of a smile, or embarrassment. Nothing.

She’s flirting with me. It’s no big deal. Girls always do. I do the same all the time, its meaningless. But this is a girl that I’m intrigued by. We’ve only spoken to each other in short “Hey’s" or :”How’s it going”'s as we randomly passed each other about once or twice a week in the complex. She used to always be with some creep, but I haven’t seen him in a while. I heard she worked at a law firm. Many times I saw her walk by dressed up in business attire. Skirts, sexy suits….In the winter she wore a long coat. She seemed completely different from the usual hootchified strippers that always displayed (or was that splayed?) themselves at the pool. The ones with fake tits that looked like they might painfully pop out of their bony ribbed torsos… the ones that seemed bow-legged from all the spastic, forced fucking of their drug dealer boyfriends and older benefactors on the side. This one was a completely different breed. She seemed more… “together”….. Unconcerned. Specifically, she seemed a bit indifferent to me.

It doesn’t matter; I’ve already turned away, walking through the latched gate leading to the mailroom. Stepping out of the heat into the shade, I open my box and find only junk mail, which I automatically slide into the wastebasket. Someone has thrown a half eaten pizza away. I hate that. This is the mailroom! That trash doesn’t get taken out for a week.

“Hey, you’re that guy that delivers beer to al the stores, right?” she’s standing there in the doorway. She looks like a goddess in her bikini. She wears some kind of shear sarong type wrap (what do I know about this stuff?) but I can see the bright color of her bikini bottom right through it. She holds an empty margarita glass. I affirm and tack on my usual “how’s it going”. So, she’s stereotyped my as the hot delivery dude. I don’t even want to mention that I’m also taking night classes to finish my English degree. Who would have guessed, looking at me? It would only complicate my image. I don’t mention it. Maybe she’s fantasizing about a simple, hot man. I can be that. I probably am that. Her body language is pulling me in; I’m practically falling towards her in my mind.

“You’re really cute, I’ve always wondered about you” She lifts up her sunglasses and I see her eyes. They’re green. “ I mean I’ve always wanted to meet you… I mean we’re neighbors and all.” I think she is a natural blonde that darkens her hair at a salon. Her eyes are beautiful, but unreadable. Its as if they are so clear and bright, that I’m looking at glass. She seems warm but calculated, in control. I am intensely attracted to her. I’m not sure If I heard what she just said, I better listen and not gawk. I’m sure my eyes give away my gawking. She can probably see right through me with those things.

“So, you think you can help me for a second with the margarita machine? We still have a bunch of mix left, you should have some too” Her and her roommate were often throwing parties. Pool parties with a mixed crowd that lasted far beyond the posted hours. No one complained. I pretty much kept to myself, I had been planning to maybe wander over one these nights to be social…

I follow her into her apartment. I make some joke about my beer delivery job, something about scamming and bringing a case to their next party. The door is casually ajar. The machine sits in the kitchen, making a humming noise. It’s quiet in here. I thnk I can almost hear the summer heat outside. The TV is off. We make idiotic small talk as she reaches up and grabs me a glass from a rack. I inspect the margarita maker. I can’t figure out why the machine was not freezing the mix, the dial is turned all the way. When I turned around she was looking at it too, just inches away. She smells faintly of coconut tanning lotion. Those eyes turn to meet mine. I kissed her.

She looks at me the way someone might look at a bad kid, a naughty dog. I feel a bit belittled. Am I imagining this attitude? She sets her glass down and turns to me. She has the faintest smile on her lips. She touches my face and traces her finger to my mouth. She kisses me back. We make out for a bit, warm tongues and moving lips; I encircle her in my arms, and trace my palms up and down her exquisite waist, ass, back, thighs, neck… She presses the small of my back drops her hands down to my ass. She backs up and looks at me with the green eyes. I’ve managed to work her top up over her breasts. They are beautiful and real. She reaches out and touches my mouth again silently.

I pick her up easily, and set her down on the kitchen counter. I turn my baseball cap backwards, and she laughs at me as she leans back on the counter and spreads her legs. Is she really laughing at me? I don’t care. Her sarong sheer skirt is flipped back, and I took a finger and pull her bikini to the side revealing her flat little, budding, pink pussy. There is something so simple, so quiet, when I see a girl’s vagina, like a tiny paused moment of concrete, touchable, pretty, femininity. So helplessly cute. I dive in and kiss, I feel her thighs, on the sides of my face, one hand softly grabs my hair, and one of her feet comes to rest its heel on the top of my back. I licked up twice and then rolled my tongue around over her clit, stretching her bikini bottom farther to the side. She squeezed her legs and pulled my head in closer. I keep my rough chin from any contact, but roll my tongue, my mouth, and even the tip of my nose up and down, always settling my tongue back on her clit. She smells of the slightest, natural, sun kissed musk; it's intoxicating like some kind of smoky sandalwood.

I suddenly stop and stand up taller with her legs over shoulders, lifting her ass off of the counter just long enough to pull the bikini completely off of her hips. I eased her back down as I pushed bikini up her legs to her knees, until they loosely hang of one of her feet. As I started to go back into that wonderful pussy, I sense her playfully kick it off onto the floor.

Her top is still pushed up over her breasts and stretched into a thin line of bright color. Her nipples are hard like pink bubblegum, I rub them with my thumbs and trace back down. I use one hand to spread her pussy open and lightly blow air onto her clit. Light kisses tease all around, gliding my mouth along the inside of her thighs, around and then diving in for the kill. I reach and lock both hands behind her ass, and pull her up onto my face as I flatly began to rotate and revolve my tongue fluidly over her popping little button. Her legs started shaking, and she gasps and moans. My forearms pressed her hips, my hands press her buns, as I flex and cradle her lower half in a bear like grip. Her fingers are uncontrollably stroking through my hair, scratching the back of my head and neck. My cap falls off onto the floor.

I’m like a machine, I keep my tongue moiling on her clit, opening and closing my mouth widely, rubbing my face side to side. Her little clit wants to escape, it wants to slip to the left or right, but its too big now, a button. I can easily keep it under my tongue. She’s going crazy, her legs are straight out, her thighs painfully squeeze in on the sides of my head. She’s pulling my hair, “God, don’t stop!” I don’t. I raise it a notch, by bringing one of my hands down and placing three fingers flat just below her pussy, touching on her asshole, my fingers go up, sliding into her slick hot vagina. She starts to buck and rub herself on my face, but I keep that clit right under my tongue. I move my hands over onto her stomach and down, from each side and circle my fingers on her trimmed patch of light curls. Her skin is burning. She’s perfect. I tense up my muscular arms into a bear hug, lifting her up again; her upper legs are supported on my biceps on each side and her legs kick and rub up and down my back. She’s making so much noise, she’s so wet, and she so clean and healthy. This is wild. I keep going and going, and she keeps rising and ebbing closer and closer until she comes very forcefully. It feels like she’s yanking some of my hair out, it hurts sharply! Her legs suddenly gain strength and she squeezes on each side, on my neck, and for just a second I feel panicked, a bit trapped, but as her orgasm ebbs away in tides, she relaxes and lays back breathing heavily. Her legs are trembling weakly now. I back my face up finally. Her pussy and thighs are slick with what looks like clear lube. Its as if she came with a gush of fluid. She moans softly, as I rub her thighs warmly and lift her up one more time and kiss her flushed pussy, and kiss her asshole. She gasps, brings her legs off my shoulders, and sits up.

“Your turn”

Now I sit on the counter, and she stoops down between my legs. With my help we unbuckle my pants and slide them down my legs onto the floor. She kisses me through my underwear and pulls them off.

I suddenly become self-conscious, I had been outside for a little while in the heat. I know I probably had a hint of that faint musky sweat smell that starts behind your balls and eventually could work its way through your pubes. God, I hope she’s not turned off. To my, well… delight, she puts my dick right up on her face, and kisses the base, kisses my nuts which have tightened and rolled up into a ready, compact walnut shape. She actually lets out a lusty “mmmmm”; my dick is thick and standing.

She’s not even looking up at me. She’s kissing my cock and balls so lightly and teasingly. It feels like a feather. One hand delicately strokes the glans of my head; the other comes up to cup my nuts. She starts to lick ever so softly, and goes down to my balls. She even stops to kiss and nuzzle right below them at the base. I’m rock hard now, and a milky drop of precum has ebbed up out of my tip. She comes back up and almost in slow motion, softly wraps her lips around the tip and glides down, then back up. This must be what heroin feels like. I let out a low grown, almost like a purr. Some of her hair falls and hangs forward, lightly brushing across my stomach. She glides her mouth back down and starts to do something with her tongue, flipping it back and forth with quick pressure on my dick head. It’s a continuous shifting motion hidden in her mouth, it peaks my pleasure to an unbearable intensity… it feels to good! I can’t help it… I tell her I’m about to come too fast if she doesn’t stop. My dick is twitching at the base; I feel the peak, the little contractions about to set off… She stops the tongue thing, and, for the first time since she started, looks up at me, my cock still hidden in her mouth, my pubes lay out in front of her like a primal map. Her eyes are bright, indecipherable, but her decision becomes clear, she starts again with her secret hidden technique. I groan… it feels so good, I think I’m going to go crazy. My muscles tense up, my big legs unconsciously cross behind her holding her in a cage of powerful strength. She has slid my cock almost out and has her mouth open so I can see it resting on her tongue.

Her tongue rolls up and flattens like an undulating pillow. The tip of it staying inside her mouth, at the of her bottom teeth. It’s just sliding around hot and slick and grainy on the underside of my cockhead. I groan and something clenches and begins pumping spasmodically in the base off my balls and ass, deep between my thighs, something that sends electric rivulets of pleasure shooting through me, my dick feels like it should be glowing, like a hot coal. A first shot of buttery cum squirts straight out and hits her throat, and she coughs slightly, caught of guard. She started to laugh. I start to laugh too, but it comes out as a groaning moan, as I instantly shoot off an even bigger spurt of warm sperm. It feels too intense, I grip her head with my hands, her hair is spilling softly thought my fingers, my thumbs slide back and forth. I am afraid I might reflexively pull her head forward, annoyingly forcefully, my thighs, my legs actually shake as I keep my grip in check. She moans like she is tasting some kind of delicacy, “mmmmm” (was it all an act?) and actually closes her lips around it and slips her face down to the base again, taking me deep into her mouth. Her hands find their way flat on my ass and pull me even closer into her mouth. I must have shot off at least seven times, the last few are dying down to pulses of pleasure like an afterthought. She withdraws, smiling.

Now usually, I feel repulsion after I cum, almost a shame at what I’ve done. It’s like all the animal is gone and there is only the humanity, the civilized notions of propriety and nobility forcing feelings, and revealing the female object of my lust to be a living, breathing, flawed, and often painfully pitiful fucked up individual. I usually feel like I’ve done something a bit awful. At least for a few seconds before I suppress and bury it…

This is different. My cock is huge, tingling, hot. It’s still big… Even though I feel like I just shot half my soul into this girl’s mouth, I feel like…. I feel like I could go again… I wanted to fuck her. She has taken a step back and was admiring me as I sit back on the counter breathing, my glorious cock waving in the air; both of us are glazed in sweat. She looks beautiful, her hair is a wild perfect mess. Her breasts are so round, her nipples like tiny hard buds – still hard! She is breathing heavily despite her cool lidded eyes. I smile; I must look like a goofball. I make some comment, some allusion to being up and ready to for more…her smile slightly widens. Her eyes perpetually unreadable… I ask her if she had some kind of protection…

“I don’t fuck strangers,” she fixes her gauzy skirt thing back down over her thighs, and backs all the way up the opposite kitchen counter leaning back on her elbows. I can see right through the skirt to her pussy. Her bikini bottom still lies on the kitchen floor.

I must say that as I gather up and pull on my pants, fix my belt through the loops, I feel like maybe she might be feeling the repulsion, that if we had been in bed, she would have quickly turned away to sleep. I awkwardly stepped out into the blazing sun with some reflexive farewell. It is then, as I walk back down the side of the pool, that I realize one detail that turns me on even more… made me feel even more virile…

She had swallowed.

I think that maybe she avoided me after that, perhaps to let things cool off. I guess she didn’t want any more from me. I’d like to think it was some kind of “too much of a good thing” fear… but maybe I’m an idiot. By winter we were back to our quick meaningless greetings… and I felt comfortable with it. Not much later, she and her roommate moved out of the complex into a duplex close by. I ran into her roommate at a party one night. I found out later that the green eyed girl had been stripping at a local club, and that she only worked at a law firm part-time… as a receptionist. I can’t remember her name. At least I didn’t catch anything. All in all, it was perfect for what is was.

Daaaaang you're in the wrong profession, you should be writing for Hustler! That shit was HOT!

alright

ufo, that story looks GREAT but I'm gonna have to wait till I'm done working to read it

endorphin74 said:

yeah you may wanna wait...I think I'm gonna read it again when i get home~!!!

CarrieLee said:

co

AndGodCreatedMe said:

brownsugar said:

Have you never read an erotic story before?

retina said:

not many. you got some for me