Do you have really negative people in your life who are always trying to poo-poo your goals/ambitions/dreams? Hey, healthy cynicism is fine, I've got that--believe me! But there are a few family members who, out of "love" and "worry", act like the sky is gonna fall if I go on and do what I want to do (and which I have almost always planned out/researched quite nicely).

Just fucking be happy for me and give me emotional (or financial! ) support! Even though the concern comes from a place of love, it can feel insulting to my intelligence, as if they're questioning my abilities.

It takes so much energy to deal with these types of people--explaining yourself, defending your ideas, staying positive.

Anybody here understand?

i do!

i was gonna quit my job about 4 years ago to go to school. when i told my fam what i was thinking about doing, they reacted as if i was gonna commit suicide. they started telling my how bad the economy was and that i should hold on to my job because jobs are scarce. my mom even tried to get my friends to convince me not to do it. after all of that i became unsure so never quit, but went part time instead. i keep thinking to myself, i'd be done by now. and i'm still here at this same job that i really don't like doing.

my sister has always been a HUGE naysayer in my life...worst thing about all this is that the woman barely knows me; she's 20-some odd years older than i am and we didn't grow up together, but yet n'still she's always been like "you ain't worth shit and you'll grow up to be a nobody".

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

I didn't even know you had a sister.

Now I suppose I know why...

Luckily, I've never really had a negative influence, but my parents were never encouraging in any way. Still aren't. If I tell them my plans, it's all kind of 'that's nice'. 'Whatever you say, dear.'

And luckily, I've got some quite good friends who are helpful in that aspect.
[Edited 3/10/06 14:05pm]

Most of my family is great, and I think because they've seen me accomplish a lot on my own they tend to trust my judgement and give me support. But there are a few people close to me--my biological Dad, for one--who come from such a "fear based" perspective. The way I try to deal with it is to remind myself that it must be a horrible way to go through life, the way my Dad does, and to just try to feel some empathy for him and then do my own thing.

sinisterpentatonic said:

See, I hate that shit, that whole "fear based" mentality, it so totally stifles the 'joie de vivre' that makes life worth living!!

And, ya know, maybe they'd have been right and quitting your job would've turned out not so great. But it would've been YOUR decision and YOUR mistake, and you'd have learned from it and found another way to accomplish your goal. Now you feel regretful, a bit resentful and you'll always wonder "what if".

AnotherLoverToo said:

That's exactly how i feel. also, instead of pursing something i really want to do, i'm pursing a field that qualifies for tuition reimbursment and something that really doesn't excite me.

sure, there are pros and cons, but i'd rather have just left and started on a new path, i've been at this bitch for over tens years! i'm so ready for a change. my parents are so old school, all they're really worried about are good benefits.

CarrieMpls said:

Were you the type who got away with everything in high school--coming home late, being drunk/high--because your parents were just like, "yes, dear, goodnight, dear"?

I was always so jealous of people with those kind of parents. Mine were like the fuckin' Gestapo!

AnotherLoverToo said:

Actually, yes.

But I ws quite a good kid, for the most part. Till I really started to rebel when I was about 16-17 and even then, ti was a responsible rebellion. I even reasoned with them when they started getting mad I'd get home at 4:30 in the morning in the summers and they bought it. I said I was a good kid, I always behaved responsibly (as far as they knew) and let them know (for the most part) where I was going and who I was with. Never got in trouble again.

sinisterpentatonic said:

My signature seems like it would really apply for you--send the quote to your parents in defense of your decisions!

CarrieMpls said:

L U C K Y!!!

AnotherLoverToo said:

i love it!

Expell these people from your life until they get it togther. They're cancers.

I am so lucky because my family does not try and interfere in my life. They know better than to piss me off

i've always had negative people in my life commenting on what i wanna do in life just out right verbal personal attacks where i'm being told i'm stupid or whatever. they get to me sometimes but i end up doing what i wanna do anyway. life is too short.

dreamfactory313 said:

If they are casual acquaintances who obviously feel no true love or concern for you, then yes, I agree that it's best to keep those kinds of people out of your life as much as possible because of how contagious the attitude is and how toxic the poison can be. But with my father, it's something I consider to be "part of the package deal" because it's better for me to have him in my life than not at all. I can (and when younger, often did) beat my head against a wall trying to change him, argue with him, debate him, etc., but ultimately what I've decided to do is to make my stance clear while letting him vent his fears. Later, when I've gone ahead and done my thing and he sees I'm right--he learns.

dreamfactory313 said:

toxic people.