These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

_____

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

_____

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

_____

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

_____

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

_____

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan.

_____

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

_____

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

_____

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

_____

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Duh.....

_____

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

_____

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

_____

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

_____

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

_____

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

_____

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

_____

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

_____

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh?

funkpill said:

WTF!

i guess it's not all Law and Order.

Oh boy!

Thanks! That was a ride, esp the oral one and the Witness' reaction, laminated in sarcasm; No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

Classic.

I laughed so loud my tummy hurts now.

sinisterpentatonic said:

I love that show...and, after a while, now I think I can pay my dues, set up a firm, and practice...

How about you, Sin??... lol

SHANNA said:

actually, i haven't watched that show in over a decade!

i work 2nd shift so i miss all of the good shows, any tv i watch is bad tv.

sinisterpentatonic said:

Has it been on air that long or more??...

Never heard of it 'till Jesse joined the Chaos and Disorder...





I love the law!!!

SHANNA said:

yeah, that show has been on for at least 15 years!

but they keep on switching up the cast to keep it fresh and then they have like 20 spin offs of it too.

i've never seen Jesse on the show, but i hear he's a canidate to play Marvin Gaye in Marvin's biographical movie.

sinisterpentatonic said:

Oh, yes...Jesse is WONDERFUL... ...He mentioned it a few times, that he wanted to do it, then it became official. And, he can sing too...lol

He is going to enact the late, great Marvin Gaye in the upcoming film; Sexual Healing...

(*sigh*...Can't hardly wait...)

SHANNA said:

K. i think we better get back on topic before Pill gets mad at us.

sinisterpentatonic said:

sinisterpentatonic said:

Naaw Naaw!!

Have fun!!!