hi, my name is allie and i have benn married for almost 2 long years now...i am having some problems though and i am wonderng if any of you people can help me...well, first, my husband hasnt been sexually active with me for abouta good 3 months..he works and stuff but still that gives im no roght to ignore me, right? he will come home from work every night and plop down on the couch to watch t.v until he gets tired...im am left at home all day watching our son melvin, who has down syndrome, and is 19 months old. i dropped out of school a couple months ago because i had noone to watch my son while i was away..couldnt afford daycare, no babysitter....anyhow, i feel like i am stuck in this marriage because we live in ohio with his family on every side of me. my family is down in kentucky so i cant run to them when i need help, only to melvins family and they take his side, sayin that its only work doing this to him...well he got his job in july of last year and youd think he could juggle out some time for me by now....anyway, i am on the verge of divorce at this time...he says he doesntwant me to go but we have talked about this numerous times and still he hasnt changed a bit..i dont know what to do so someone please help me...if you have any advice for me, please feel free to tell me or write to me on my yahoo screenname: devils_baby03

Wow, married with a kid at 16...you've really had to skip straight from childhood to adulthood, haven't you? It can't be easy, especially since your son has Down's Syndrome. I really wouldn't blame you if you left your husband. Go back to Kentucky and ask your parents to help you raise Melvin. Maybe they can take care of him on weekends or something to give you time and space to breathe at least. All this is just too much responsibility for you to handle at your age.

Don't give up on the marriage yet. If I understand correctly, you were married only a few months before the baby came, and both of you haven't had much time to adjust to marriage or having a baby with special needs. You're both young and probably a bit disappointed that marriage ain't a fairy tale.

I think you should seek some sort of marriage counseling. I can't say for certain, but your husband may be throwing himself into work to avoid facing concerns and fears he might have. Both of you need someone to talk to, preferably someone who knows about raising down Down's Syndrome children.

I'll be praying for you.

(one day I'll learn how to spell)
[Edited 3/6/06 14:29pm]

littlemissG said:

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Hang in there, Allie.

honestly, you should talk to a real counselor. and like retina you need to get some support particulary from your parents. whats important right now is you and your childs needs.

brownsugar said:

I agree.

Hope things get better for you.

I hate to be the one to say this but... you really really really really should NOT get married at such a young age. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear that you are stuck in such a situation. I hope things get better.

brownsugar said:

Why do I need support?

Really, she's way too young to stick with a marriage that won't last anyway. I totally agree that she should get some counselling, but she doesn't need her immature husband to get that. It's better for her to go home to Kentucky and live some of her youth while she still has it. There will be plenty of time for her to be a responsible adult later on. The rest of her life in fact!

retina said:

you know what i meant but yeah just her and the baby. thats what most important. and if its been 3 months somethings going on. seems like this guy doesn't care much.

brownsugar said:

I agree with retina and brownsugar....

go home... let your family help you and be there for you..

it's not easy when you feel alone and unwanted and have no where to turn.. that's how it sounds.. with only his family there backing him..

I'm surrounded by his family here too... so I know what that's like.. if you don't go home... find a friend which is hard to just do but when you do it'll help make you feel better.. you'll have someone to talk to that will listen...

orgnote me if you wanna talk..
hope to hear from you..
Your not alone

Go together and seek marriage counselling or seek the advice of your parents.

Good luck

you are just 16 and you've already been married for "two long years"??? with a baby??
wow, that's heavy.

mind you if sex got me in that kind of situation i don't know that i'd necessarily be concerned that i wasn't getting any with everything else going on

You didn't mention whether you are in love with your husband.If you are then maybe you should seek some counselling if not then it would be fairer on you all if you end it and try to get on with your life and what you want to do.I've been with my partner since I was 16 (I'm now 34)I brought up his daughter from his previous marriage and I was only 8 years older than her.I started my own family at 18 and I rweally regret losing my teens and twenties to domesticity and a largely loveless relationship.You are still young enough to reclaim your life.Feel free to Orgnote me if you need a shoulder.