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Printablesinisterpentatonic said: Anybody? (YEAH!) I love monster movies, I simply adore monster movies, And the cheaper they are, the better they are. And cheepnis in the case of a monster movie has nothing to do with the budget of the film, although it helps. But true cheepnis is exemplified by visible nylon strings attached to the jaw of a giant spider. I'll tell you, a good one that I saw one time, I think the name of the film was "It conquered the world" (YEAH!) And the... Did you ever see that one? The monster looks sort of like an inverted ice-cream corn with teeth around the bottom. It looks like a, like a teepee or a sort of a rounded off pup-tent affair. And ah, it's got fangs on the base of it, I don't know why but it's a very threatening sight. And then he's got a frown and, you know, ugly mouth and everything, And there's this one scene where the ah monster is coming out of a cave. See? There's always a scene where they come out of a cave, at least once. And the rest of the cast...it musta been made around the 1950's. The lapels are about like that wide, The ties are about that wide and about this short, And they always have a little revolver that they're gonna shoot the monster with. And there is always a girl who falls down and twists her ankle. Hey hey! Of course there is! You know how they are, the weaker sex and everything, Twisting their ankle on behalf of a little ice-cream cone. Well in this particular scene, In this scene folks, they ah, they didn't wanna re-take it 'cause it musta been so good they wanted to keep it, but they... When the monster came out of the cave, just over on the left hand side of the screen you can see about this much two-by-four attached to the bottom of the Thing as the guy is pushing it out, And then obviously off-camera somebody's goin': "No! Get it back!" ...and they drag it back just a little bit as the guy is goin': "KCH! KCH!" Now that's cheepnis. Right. And this is cheepnis here: One two three four... I ate a hot dog It tasted real good Then I watched a movie From Hollywood (repeat) Little Miss Muffett on a squat by me Took a turn around, I said: Can y'all see? The little strings on the Giant Spider?" The Zipper From The Black Lagoon? The vents by the tanks where the bubbles go up? (And the flaps on the side of the moon) The jelly & paint on the 40 watt bulb They use when the slime droozle off The rumples & the wrinkles in the cardboard rock And the canvas of the cave is too soft The suits & the hats & the tie's too wide And too short for the scientist man The chemistry lady with the roll-away mind And the monster just ate Japan Ladies and gentlemen, The monster, Which the peasants in this area call FRUNOBULAX (Apparently a very large poodle dog) Has just been seen approaching The Power Plant Bullets can't stop it Rockets can't stop it We may have to use NUCLEAR FORCE! HERE COMES THAT POODLE DOG! BIG AS A BLIMP WITH A RHINESTONE COLLAR SNAPPIN' OFF THE TREES LIKE THEY WAS BONSAI'D ORNAMENTS ON A DRY-WOBBLE LANDSCAPE KEEP IT AWAY! DON'T LET THE POODLE BITE ME! WE CAN'T LET IT REPRODUCE! OH! SOMEBODY GET OUT THE PANTS! The National Guard has formed up at the base of the mountain And is attempting to lure the enormous poodle towards the cave Where they hope to destroy it with napalm A thousand of the troopers are now lined up and are calling to the monster... Here Fido Here Fido Here Fido GOT A GREAT BIG SLIMEY THING GOT A GREAT BIG HEAVY THING GOT A GREAT BIG POODLE THING GOT A GREAT BIG HAIRY THING (repeat) C'mon! Everybody! Let's go! Get the distilled water! Get the canned goods! Get the toilet paper! You know we need it! GO TO DA SHELTER MY BABY, MY BABY, GO TO DA SHELTER GO TO DA SHELTER (repeat) Little Miss Muffett on a squat by me, Can ya see the little string danglin' down Makes the legs go wabble an' the mouth flop shut An' the HORRIBLE EYE, HORRIBLE EYE, HORRIBLE EYE Go rollin' around Can y'see it all Can y'see it from here Can y'laugh till yer weak on yer knees If you can't, I'm sorry `cause that's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis please Baby, I'm sorry `cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis please Baby, I'm sorry `cause it's all I wanna know I need a little more cheepnis please 
i have no idea why i posted all that.  i once laughed myself breathless at a mystery science theater3000 episode addressing this very phenomena. badly edited shots displaying the monster head mask stuck onto the guy who is obviously wearing a tee shirt and jeans that aren't supposed to show. it was not scary at all | |
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XxAxX said: sinisterpentatonic said:   is that so wrong???not at all! i cheer on the evil guy too.   | |
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XxAxX said: i once laughed myself breathless at a mystery science theater3000 episode addressing this very phenomena. badly edited shots displaying the monster head mask stuck onto the guy who is obviously wearing a tee shirt and jeans that aren't supposed to show. it was not scary at allyou watched that show too?!
that's the one thing i hated about moving from my mom's house in '90, i couldn't afford cable to watch that show anymore. 
i think it's out on dvd now.  | |
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and how come no one ever bites the bad guy in self-defense? | |
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sinisterpentatonic said: XxAxX said: i once laughed myself breathless at a mystery science theater3000 episode addressing this very phenomena. badly edited shots displaying the monster head mask stuck onto the guy who is obviously wearing a tee shirt and jeans that aren't supposed to show. it was not scary at allyou watched that show too?!
that's the one thing i hated about moving from my mom's house in '90, i couldn't afford cable to watch that show anymore.
i think it's out on dvd now. "they just didn't care" | |
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-ALWAYS check out empty rooms/houses at night without turning on the lights...or on the rare occasion when they do try to turn them on, the lights never work..and they keep checking any-fucking-way!!
-Cell phones ALWAYS go dead when they're needed...a little too convenient for the plot. -Car batteries that suddenly refuse to work, and right as the killer is sloooowly approaching the car from behind. Of course, the ignition catches right as the killer either reaches for the door handle or smashes the passenger-side window with his fist. -Dropping the damn gun after shooting the homicidal maniac a few times in the chest...then sitting on the floor supposedly relieved. Yanno, the guy just killed half the people on your damn block and has been chasing after you with a huge machete for the last 5 hours...don't you think it might be a good idea to do more than shoot the guy twice in the shoulder then convince yourself it's "all over"?? Pump that mf full of bullets at point-blank range!! Reload, dammit, and do it again!! Take his machete and cut off his legs so he can't chase you no more even IF he somehow survives the 57 bullets you emptied into his heart and head!! [Edited 3/1/06 10:22am] | |
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When rich business men court the street hooker and then fall in love with them and then erm oops , thats a romance movie. | |
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Byron said: -ALWAYS check out empty rooms/houses at night without turning on the lights...or on the rare occasion when they do try to turn them on, the lights never work..and they keep checking any-fucking-way!!
-Cell phones ALWAYS go dead when they're needed...a little too convenient for the plot. -Car batteries that suddenly refuse to work, and right as the killer is sloooowly approaching the car from behind. Of course, the ignition catches right as the killer either reaches for the door handle or smashes the passenger-side window with his fist. -Dropping the damn gun after shooting the homicidal maniac a few times in the chest...then sitting on the floor supposedly relieved. Yanno, the guy just killed half the people on your damn block and has been chasing after you with a huge machete for the last 5 hours...don't you think it might be a good idea to do more than shoot the guy twice in the shoulder then convince yourself it's "all over"?? Pump that mf full of bullets at point-blank range!! Reload, dammit, and do it again!! Take his machete and cut off his legs so he can't chase you no more even IF he somehow survives the 57 bullets you emptied into his heart and head!! [Edited 3/1/06 10:22am]  ya mean all that stuff isnt real | |
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Tom said: In practically every horror movie, you can expect to see...
... someone running from a killer, jumps into a car and it refuses to start. ... as soon as the group of people realize there's a killer on the loose, they all decide to split up and make themselves more vulnerable. ... anyone running from a killer instantly looses all motor skills, and trips over every goddamn thing imaginable. ... noone bothers to pick up their cell phone and call the damn police. The old gimick where the killer cut the phone lines doesn't work these days. Also, anyone that gets killed by Leatherface, deserves it. Like you couldn't hear him coming a mile away. Thats about as stupid as getting hit by a train.   | |
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meltwithu said: accept from or give rides to total strangers on deserted highways
go into people's houses in the middle of nowhere don't leave as soon as the first person ends up with a machete in the brain go look for people you haven't seen in like 2 hours don't leave the first time you see blood dripping down the walls decide you want to do your thesis paper on mongoloid cannibals of south america investigate what happened to 5 search teams in the caves of africa | |
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XxAxX said: and how come no one ever bites the bad guy in self-defense?
| |
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Lmao | |
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Byron said: -ALWAYS check out empty rooms/houses at night without turning on the lights...or on the rare occasion when they do try to turn them on, the lights never work..and they keep checking any-fucking-way!!
-Cell phones ALWAYS go dead when they're needed...a little too convenient for the plot. -Car batteries that suddenly refuse to work, and right as the killer is sloooowly approaching the car from behind. Of course, the ignition catches right as the killer either reaches for the door handle or smashes the passenger-side window with his fist. -Dropping the damn gun after shooting the homicidal maniac a few times in the chest...then sitting on the floor supposedly relieved. Yanno, the guy just killed half the people on your damn block and has been chasing after you with a huge machete for the last 5 hours...don't you think it might be a good idea to do more than shoot the guy twice in the shoulder then convince yourself it's "all over"?? Pump that mf full of bullets at point-blank range!! Reload, dammit, and do it again!! Take his machete and cut off his legs so he can't chase you no more even IF he somehow survives the 57 bullets you emptied into his heart and head!!
OmG!! | |
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you know i'm all for love and til death do us part--but that dumb ass geena davis in The Fly takes the cake! i know there ain't a black woman in the world who would be back at your damn house if:
1. you started climbing the fucking walls 2. you started spitting out white acid out your damn mouth 3. your fucking ear falls off and you put that shit the medicine cabinet with your dick 4. you got fly hair sticking out of your damn body although she got it right at the end by blowing his fucking brain up, she still gets the thumbs down for waiting until he turned into a six-foot fly to do it 
FUCK THAT!! WE ARE THROUGH!!--OVER!!--DON"T CALL MY HOUSE ANYMORE!!  you look better on your facebook page than you do in person | |
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Tom said: XxAxX said: have you seen 'evil dead'? where bruce campbell's character knows full well he must dismember his girlfriend because she, too, has become possessed by evil and dismemberment is the ONLY way to stop her? but he can't, and waxes nostalgic, wielding the chainsaw? it sounds twisted but it's absolutely hilarious Evil Dead I and II are full of so many technical errors, it seems to have been done on purpose as a joke. He will be covered in blood in one scene, then walk through a doorway and be completely clean. The color of the blood even changes a few times during part II. true! speaking of which when evil dead II opens with our hero GOING BACK to the house where his three friends died, BACK where 'the evil lives' i mean - right there! ludicrous! | |
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SHANNA said: XxAxX said: and how come no one ever bites the bad guy in self-defense?
i'd bite. i really would, even if it DID look funny  | |
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meltwithu said: you know i'm all for love and til death do us part--but that dumb ass geena davis in The Fly takes the cake! i know there ain't a black woman in the world who would be back at your damn house if:
1. you started climbing the fucking walls 2. you started spitting out white acid out your damn mouth 3. your fucking ear falls off and you put that shit the medicine cabinet with your dick 4. you got fly hair sticking out of your damn body although she got it right at the end by blowing his fucking brain up, she still gets the thumbs down for waiting until he turned into a six-foot fly to do it
FUCK THAT!! WE ARE THROUGH!!--OVER!!--DON"T CALL MY HOUSE ANYMORE!! but jeff goldblum is so cute. i'd have a hard time popping him too, even if he turned into a giant spider | |
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The nerdy guy gets killed, it normally goes like this:
Note: He has on big 1970's glasses and a sounds like he is talking out of his nose. ::Odd noise:: "Hey guys? Guys this isn't funny anymore, guys? hello? AHHHH!!!!" ::Get's killed:: 'A pillow covered in all our tears' | |
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your husband/son is slowly turning into a vampire but to you he's just having a bad day.
People always run into dark alleys with huge wheely bins and no way out. After they've killed the monster they position their foot near his hand so he can grab their ankle. Invite cute little old ladies from your knitting circle to your house to get rid of the poltergeist. move into a haunted house and stay there for months letting yourself be terrified day and night, and only move out when the evil ghost/spirit literally pick you up and throws you out. .... [Edited 3/2/06 6:55am] | |
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LleeLlee said: your husband/son is slowly turning into a vampire but to you he's just having a bad day.
People always run into dark alleys with huge wheely bins and no way out. After they've killed the monster they position their foot near his hand so he can grab their ankle. Invite cute little old ladies from your knitting circle to your house to get rid of the poltergeist. move into a haunted house and stay there for months letting yourself be terrified day and night, and only move out when the evil ghost/spirit literally pick you up and throws you out. .... [Edited 3/2/06 6:55am] yup. you really have to wonder about those folks in the 'amityville horror' as for me - those first unexplained runnels of blood pouring down the wall and i'm outta there | |
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XxAxX said: LleeLlee said: your husband/son is slowly turning into a vampire but to you he's just having a bad day.
People always run into dark alleys with huge wheely bins and no way out. After they've killed the monster they position their foot near his hand so he can grab their ankle. Invite cute little old ladies from your knitting circle to your house to get rid of the poltergeist. move into a haunted house and stay there for months letting yourself be terrified day and night, and only move out when the evil ghost/spirit literally pick you up and throws you out. .... [Edited 3/2/06 6:55am] yup. you really have to wonder about those folks in the 'amityville horror' as for me - those first unexplained runnels of blood pouring down the wall and i'm outta there Ask the local priest to bless the house and then never wonder why he refuses to come back. find out your house is built on an ancient burial ground after you've been traumatised and your kids have turned into gibbering wrecks. | |
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When the black people in them act a GO* damn fool. I HATE that shit! I'm like "DIDN'T YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT WHITE BITCH??!?!? RUN YOUR ASS THE HELL HOME!!" I wish I would go in somebody's fucking cornfield. Don't try that "Okay, you stay in the car, I'm gonna go check that noise out." Muthafucka YOU WILL SEE DUST. I'M OUT. I'm not waiting for the zombie/serial killer/psycho to kill you, KNOWS i'm IN the damn car and come get me. HELL. NO. I'm OUT. And if the "killer" tries some dumb shit, I bet you i'd beat his ass with a fucking tire iron and run him over a few times and get the fuck outta there. I tell you what. If I'm ever with a group of people and they wanna go cemetary,abandoned school/hospital/library/prison/house, not THIS muthafucka. And the shit ALWAYS starts like this: "You guys know about such a such a place where so and so died and is haunted and does this at this time in this particular spot?"  Please, don't spare details and point my ass in the OTHER direction. And what's up with the dumbass who ALWAYS wants to fuck the monster? That's some sick ass beastiality shit right there. So on top of watching these dumb bitches get killed, I gotta sit here and watch this bitch fuck Swamp Thing? Nasty. And this KILLS me. It's always always ALWAYS at night time. Who the fuck hangs around with people who only do shit at night? Let me find out it's some crazy bitch runnin' around killin folk. I'll be in the house by the time the streetlights come on. Call me what you want to. And if you know about some crazy ass legend about where you live, MOVE. I'm not waiting for shit to get me. Let somebody tell me "Oh, you know about the blood sucking head eating arm ripping bat face serial killer who escaped from the electric chair falls out of trees at night and kills random people." LET ME FIND OUT. I will vanish like a fart in the wind. If you know it's somethin crazy as hell runnin around the neighborhood, then why the fuck are you still there? Don't be bad ass and think you can kill it. And locking the door won't do shit because chances are the muthafucka is ALREADY in the damn house just waiting for you to go in the bedroom, get in the shower, or open closet door. And if he/she/it is chasing you through the house, DON'T RUN UPSTAIRS. I go watch that shit just to laugh. I am SO going to see Scary Movie 4.One of Dansa's org hornies
Supa is my gay messiah and he eats homeless dandruff sammitches on the bus.  HULK NEED LAID, HULK SMASH!!
The reigning queen of GD. All bitches step down. Prince.org: Where's Mani? | |
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LleeLlee said: XxAxX said: yup. you really have to wonder about those folks in the 'amityville horror' as for me - those first unexplained runnels of blood pouring down the wall and i'm outta there Ask the local priest to bless the house and then never wonder why he refuses to come back. find out your house is built on an ancient burial ground after you've been traumatised and your kids have turned into gibbering wrecks. insist that your guests remain at your house party even after the house proves itself to be possessed by evil and intent on devouring their souls one by one [Edited 3/2/06 7:11am] | |
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DynamicSavior said: When the black people in them act a GO* damn fool. I HATE that shit! I'm like "DIDN'T YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT WHITE BITCH??!?!? RUN YOUR ASS THE HELL HOME!!" I wish I would go in somebody's fucking cornfield. Don't try that "Okay, you stay in the car, I'm gonna go check that noise out." Muthafucka YOU WILL SEE DUST. I'M OUT. I'm not waiting for the zombie/serial killer/psycho to kill you, KNOWS i'm IN the damn car and come get me. HELL. NO. I'm OUT. And if the "killer" tries some dumb shit, I bet you i'd beat his ass with a fucking tire iron and run him over a few times and get the fuck outta there. I tell you what. If I'm ever with a group of people and they wanna go cemetary,abandoned school/hospital/library/prison/house, not THIS muthafucka. And the shit ALWAYS starts like this: "You guys know about such a such a place where so and so died and is haunted and does this at this time in this particular spot?"
Please, don't spare details and point my ass in the OTHER direction. And what's up with the dumbass who ALWAYS wants to fuck the monster? That's some sick ass beastiality shit right there. So on top of watching these dumb bitches get killed, I gotta sit here and watch this bitch fuck Swamp Thing? Nasty. And this KILLS me. It's always always ALWAYS at night time. Who the fuck hangs around with people who only do shit at night? Let me find out it's some crazy bitch runnin' around killin folk. I'll be in the house by the time the streetlights come on. Call me what you want to. And if you know about some crazy ass legend about where you live, MOVE. I'm not waiting for shit to get me. Let somebody tell me "Oh, you know about the blood sucking head eating arm ripping bat face serial killer who escaped from the electric chair falls out of trees at night and kills random people." LET ME FIND OUT. I will vanish like a fart in the wind. If you know it's somethin crazy as hell runnin around the neighborhood, then why the fuck are you still there? Don't be bad ass and think you can kill it. And locking the door won't do shit because chances are the muthafucka is ALREADY in the damn house just waiting for you to go in the bedroom, get in the shower, or open closet door. And if he/she/it is chasing you through the house, DON'T RUN UPSTAIRS. I go watch that shit just to laugh. I am SO going to see Scary Movie 4. | |
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Ya'll know what? That chick in the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre was fucking gangsta. She chopped Leatherface's arm off, stole that baby and was OUT One of Dansa's org hornies
Supa is my gay messiah and he eats homeless dandruff sammitches on the bus. HULK NEED LAID, HULK SMASH!!
The reigning queen of GD. All bitches step down. Prince.org: Where's Mani? | |
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XxAxX said: LleeLlee said: Ask the local priest to bless the house and then never wonder why he refuses to come back. find out your house is built on an ancient burial ground after you've been traumatised and your kids have turned into gibbering wrecks. insist that your guests remain at your house party even after the house proves itself to be possessed by evil and intent on devouring their souls one by one
[Edited 3/2/06 7:11am] Make friends with the local vampire and then wonder why half of your family starts sleeping in coffins in the basement.
When you get bitten, writhe around in ecstasy and grab at your clothes and the vampires and then fall asleep like a baby licking your lips and wearing a victorian nighty. .... [Edited 3/2/06 7:19am] | |
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LleeLlee said: XxAxX said: insist that your guests remain at your house party even after the house proves itself to be possessed by evil and intent on devouring their souls one by one
[Edited 3/2/06 7:11am] Make friends with the local vampire and then wonder why half of your family starts sleeping in coffins in the basement.
When you get bitten, writhe around in ecstacy and grab at your clothes and the vampires and then fall asleep like a baby licking your lips and wearing a victorian nighty. and if you happen to be attacked by a really, really hairy, stranger with huge fangs on the night of an awesome full moon, by all means DON'T tell anyone. instead, ignore the entire attack and the festering wound that resulted until the next full moon comes around and you're partying with your best friends | |
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XxAxX said: LleeLlee said: Make friends with the local vampire and then wonder why half of your family starts sleeping in coffins in the basement.
When you get bitten, writhe around in ecstacy and grab at your clothes and the vampires and then fall asleep like a baby licking your lips and wearing a victorian nighty. and if you happen to be attacked by a really, really hairy, stranger with huge fangs on the night of an awesome full moon, by all means DON'T tell anyone. instead, ignore the entire attack and the festering wound that resulted until the next full moon comes around and you're partying with your best friends ..and then turn into the thing that bit you and kill all your friends. One of Dansa's org hornies
Supa is my gay messiah and he eats homeless dandruff sammitches on the bus. HULK NEED LAID, HULK SMASH!!
The reigning queen of GD. All bitches step down. Prince.org: Where's Mani? | |
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DynamicSavior said: XxAxX said: and if you happen to be attacked by a really, really hairy, stranger with huge fangs on the night of an awesome full moon, by all means DON'T tell anyone. instead, ignore the entire attack and the festering wound that resulted until the next full moon comes around and you're partying with your best friends ..and then turn into the thing that bit you and kill all your friends. yep. usually happens that way. and let's not even TALK about the friends of the bitten ones, those who watch their pal undergoing a gradual transformation -slowly becoming hairier, more prone to violent acts, developing a tast for rare steaks at breakfast - nothing unusual about that behavior. nope | |
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XxAxX said: LleeLlee said: Make friends with the local vampire and then wonder why half of your family starts sleeping in coffins in the basement.
When you get bitten, writhe around in ecstacy and grab at your clothes and the vampires and then fall asleep like a baby licking your lips and wearing a victorian nighty. and if you happen to be attacked by a really, really hairy, stranger with huge fangs on the night of an awesome full moon, by all means DON'T tell anyone. instead, ignore the entire attack and the festering wound that resulted until the next full moon comes around and you're partying with your best friends Never wonder why the police are after your husband and theres a dead body in the woods. Ask your child if their imaginary friend is a good person who would never hurt anyone and meanwhile your cat has been found strangled and your furniture is flying through the air with your neighbour unconscious on the floor after having been impaled by a table leg. | |
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