1. Give Martin Scorsese an Oscar.

2. Shorten every film by 30 minutes...

3. ...or provide in-seat catheters.

4. Crunchy popcorn.

5. Hand Lars Von Trier $200m to make M:I-4. Sit back, watch sparks fly.

6. Release the original Star Wars trilogy on DVD, minus all those frickin' tweaks.

7. Bring back National Cinema Day. All-you-can-watch for just one, shiny quid? How'd DVD like them apples?

8. Give the mighty Steve Guttenberg the QT adrenaline shot he so deserves.

9. Regional equality for DVD extras.

10. Somebody tell James Cameron to stop titting about in submarines and pre-production meetings and get back to making movies again.

11. Give these directors more money: PT Anderson, Darren Aronofsky, George Clooney, Kenneth Lonergan, Shane Meadows, Michel Gondry...

12. Give these directors less money and a strict editor: Michael Bay.

13. Use CGI smartly. Remakes of Sinbad, Jason And The Argonauts and Fantastic Voyage, please.

14. Drive-ins.

15. Mobile phone jammers...

16. ...or lifetimes bans for twitchy-fingered, text-obsessed 12-year-olds who won't SHUT THE HELL UP AND WATCH THE FILM.

17. Adapt edgier comics: Y: The Last Man, Maus, Ex Machina.

18. Bound 2. With Jessicas Alba and Biel?

19. More leg room in cinemas...

20. ...and big, posh reclining seats...

21. ...fuck it, futons.

22. Jar-Jar Snuff.

23. Seating plans graded by height.

24. Give Film 2006 to a proper critic. Bazza, we miss you.

25. A film whose plot requires a whopping great Christopher Walken dance routine.

26. Bring back the old Cameron Crowe.

27. No more J-Horror remakes. We hold a grudge.

28. Sean Connery grows a pair. Go on, do something daring.

29. That goes for you too, Junior [Harrison Ford].

30. Child-free screenings.

31. In-jokes and cultural nods to be brutally culled from animated screenplays.

32. Cut-price opening weekend for all summer blockbusters.

33. Double-bills.

34. Take Woody Allen out of therapy.

35. Put Vincent Gallo in therapy.

36. Stop songs being performed at the Oscars. Especially by Sting.

37. Only allow De Niro to be directed by Scorsese.

38. Advert-free screenings.

39. Bring back proper ushers. With ice cream.

40. Insist Kate Beckinsale wears that leather outfit in every film she's in from now on...

41. ...so long as it's not another Underworld.

42. Headphone sockets in cinema seats. No more rustle-rustle distractions.

43. Intermissions for all Peter Jackson films.

44. Let Paul Greengrass make Watchman, Terry Gilliam make The Man Who Killed Don Quixote and Paul Verhoeven (remember him?) make The Crusades.

45. Death to dubbing. Learn. To. Read.

46. One last waffer-thin Python film.

47. Get Guy Ritchie to direct something he hasn't written.

48. Classier directors to be given videogame adaps. David Fincher's Doom, anyone?

49. Money-back offer for anyone who can convince the cinema manager the film was cack.

50. Arthouse and retro-movie merchandising. McSlavery burgers and Manderlay! 'Bullet Fries' for Tzameti! Soylent Green McFlurry!

51. The Hobbit.

52. David LaChappelle to never, ever - in the name of all that's right and just and holy in the world - make another cinema advert.

53. An Oscar for Best Stunt.

54. John Woo abandons Hollywood and returns to Hong Kong, a blazing gun in each fist.

55. Less J'Lo.

56. Eddie Murphy gets sweary again.

57. Make the stoopid DVD anti-piracy trailers SKIPPABLE.

58. Kill Vanilla DVDs.

59. Specially produced stand-alone trailers. No more lazy teasers...

60. ...and make 'em spoiler-free, eh?

61. Indiana Jones And The Getting The Hell On With It.

62. Downloadable movies. Now.

63. Did we mention Scorsese and the Oscar?
[Edited 2/24/06 10:43am]

Well, you can cross #10 off that list for a start

http://www.aint-it-cool-n...i?id=22373

http://www.aint-it-cool-n...i?id=22405

Lose the liberal agenda in nearly every movie or else stop asking why nobody sees movies anymore.

Ellie said:

The Woodman hasn't been in analysis in over a decade.

Ace's 1 way to improve the movies:

1. Outlaw everything except documentaries, with the exception of films written by Woody Allen (and, possibly, Neil LaBute).

Ones I agree with:
2-4, 6-7, 9-16, 19,20,23,26,30,33,42,43,53-55,62

Ones that should be enforced immediately:
15. Mobile phone jammers...

16. ...or lifetimes bans for twitchy-fingered, text-obsessed 12-year-olds who won't SHUT THE HELL UP AND WATCH THE FILM.

lovemachine said:

Cuz that's why less people are coming to the cinemas?

lovemachine said:

what the hell are you talking about?

lovemachine said:

They're making Rambo 4. Don't worry.

Case said:

RipHer2Shreds said:

I have actually heard people I know say they refuse to see movies because of the liberal agenda of nearly everything made. People get tired of being force fed the same things and the same point of view over and over again. When a movie once every few years gets made that is outside the typical Hollywood box (Think Passion or think Narnia) look at the huge numbers it does.

lovemachine said:

Narnia has done well because it was a great movie based on a well-loved book that's been around for a few generations. While it's got some Biblical themes in it, I can't see how they'd be considered conservative. I'm liberal...I saw it twice!

And I saw Passion of the Christ in the theatre as well. I won't avoid a film in theatres because of it's political leanings. Maybe that's the difference between liberals and conservatives.

[Edited 2/24/06 14:07pm]

RipHer2Shreds said:

yea. i am about as liberal as they come and i ran out to see it, as the book series was a favorite of mine as a kid.

it's amazing that people would only want to see their beliefs reflected in the movies.... must make for very boring movies if people are always walking around, going to church, and praying a lot... maybe having dinner, watching jerry falwell on tv.

what a boring movie.

RipHer2Shreds said:

But if nearly ALL movies were in direct opposition of your viewpoints of life would you still go to the theater as often? That is my point.

cborgman said:

Once again if 95 percent of movies leaned to the right would you see as many movies?

RipHer2Shreds said:

interest in other peoples views and lives rather than a need to constantly be reinforced in their beliefs and to see cookie-cutter versions of themselves?

cborgman said:

You are so missing the point.

lovemachine said:

depends on if they are good or not.

fight club is in pure opposition to my non-violent ways, but it's my all time favorite.

and what movies are you even talking about?

lovemachine said:

what movies are you seeing that 95 percent of lean to the left? i know of precious few movies that are even remotely political nowdays.

cborgman said:

A movie doesn't have to be political to lean slightly one way or another. Its in the way characters and lifestyles are presented and let me tell you EVERY piece of art carries with it the beliefs of the artist in some way.

lovemachine said:

such as?

lovemachine said:

How can you really think I'd be able to answer a question like that? You're almost presenting it as discrimination. I can, however, honestly say that I've never skipped a movie that directly differed from my political opinions. I might get mad watching it, but if it looks to be a good movie I'll see it. But if 95% of the people put off by so-called liberal filmmaking are skipping the theatre because they're put off by them, maybe they're not the theatre goin' type?



And if you really don't like a movie, follow Jean-Luc Godard's advice - "The best way to criticise one movie is to make another."

Ellie said:

So, anyway... I'd agree with those statements, but I don't know how that would improve the movies.