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Chris Rock & Relationships... I'm in a Chris Rock mood...lol 
"No matter what you do, your women is mad at you! If you work all the time - "Why you work all the time, you ain`t never home, you always leaving me, I hate this shit." If you home all the time - "Why you all up under me? Let me get some fuckin room to breathe. Damn, stop sweating me, I hate this shit." If you make more money than her - "Fuck you, I want to make decisions too! You ain`t my daddy, I don`t need you to take care of me. I hate this shit." If she makes more money than you - "You broke muthafucka, you never have no fuckin money. Fuck this shit, I don`t wanna have to make up all these decisions, I want to be taken care of. I hate this shit." The number one reason your woman is always mad, fellas. the number one reason your woman is always pissed the fuck off .... cause you ain`t her first choice. You..were NOT...her first choice! You ever catch your woman lookin at you but not saying nothing? In her mind she`s thinkin, "How did I end up with this ugly motherfucker. Good Lord this man is ugly & stupid. I had a good man & I blew it. Lord, kill this man now." "Who lies the most, men or women? Answer: Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies. We [men] lie so much its almost a damn language. A guys lie will be like 'Where you was?' 'Out with the boys'.... that's a man's lie. A woman's lie is 'It's your baby!....'" "Women are like the police...they can have all the evidence in the world, yet they still need the confession." "lt's damn near impossible for a man to turn down sex. lt's hard for a man to turn down sex. We can stop chasing it, and even that requires some rehab. But it's hard for a man to stop. lf it chase us, we can't run that fast. lt's gonna catch us, we're like: ''Shit, pulled a hamstring. You got me.'' Got anymore to add??...
Additional quote edit... [Edited 2/17/06 13:58pm] | |
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You ever notice how no man comes home straight from work? No man comes home straight from work. A man get off work, he got to go somewhere. He got to drink something, he got to smoke something...he got to watch the game, he got to hang with his boys...he got to take a drive. He got to do something that will mentally prepare him...for all the talking he's gonna hear when he get home.
Ladies, it ain't that you talk too much. You just talk too much as soon as we get in the fucking door. Let a man get situated. We don't need to hear everything right away. Soon as you take one step in, it's ''You're not gonna believe this....''...Let me get my other foot in the fucking door! Let me get something to eat! Let me get something to drink! Let me take a shit!" (sidenote: my ex-wife use to actually follow me to the bathroom when I first got home, talking the entire way...lol ...she talked to me thru the closed door...so I relate to this.  ) | |
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Byron said: You ever notice how no man comes home straight from work? No man comes home straight from work. A man get off work, he got to go somewhere. He got to drink something, he got to smoke something...he got to watch the game, he got to hang with his boys...he got to take a drive. He got to do something that will mentally prepare him...for all the talking he's gonna hear when he get home.
Ladies, it ain't that you talk too much. You just talk too much as soon as we get in the fucking door. Let a man get situated. We don't need to hear everything right away. Soon as you take one step in, it's ''You're not gonna believe this....''...Let me get my other foot in the fucking door! Let me get something to eat! Let me get something to drink! Let me take a shit!" (sidenote: my ex-wife use to actually follow me to the bathroom when I first got home, talking the entire way...lol ...she talked to me thru the closed door...so I relate to this. )My mother used to and still does this and it drives me crazy. |
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CarrieMpls said: Byron said: You ever notice how no man comes home straight from work? No man comes home straight from work. A man get off work, he got to go somewhere. He got to drink something, he got to smoke something...he got to watch the game, he got to hang with his boys...he got to take a drive. He got to do something that will mentally prepare him...for all the talking he's gonna hear when he get home.
Ladies, it ain't that you talk too much. You just talk too much as soon as we get in the fucking door. Let a man get situated. We don't need to hear everything right away. Soon as you take one step in, it's ''You're not gonna believe this....''...Let me get my other foot in the fucking door! Let me get something to eat! Let me get something to drink! Let me take a shit!" (sidenote: my ex-wife use to actually follow me to the bathroom when I first got home, talking the entire way...lol ...she talked to me thru the closed door...so I relate to this. )My mother used to and still does this and it drives me crazy. My sister absolutely needs at least one hour of "cave time" when she gets home from work...lol...so I'm sure it's not quite a male/female thing...lol  She would do horribly with either your mom or my ex... | |
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A few from the Rock...
Women HATE women. You get any two girlfriends in this room, been girlfriends for 25 years, you put a man in between them, "Fuck that bitch, " "Fuck that bitch." Guys are not like that. Guys actually think that there are other fish in the sea, and if a guy introduces his boy to his new girlfriend, and when they walk away, his boy goes, "Aww man, shes nice, I gotta get me a girl LIKE that." If a woman introduces her new man to her girlfriend, and they walk away, her girlfriend goes "I gotta get HIM, and I will slit that bitches throat to do it." Every girl in here got a girlfriend they don't trust around their man. There are three types of women in the world: A: Women that give NO head. B: Women that give just enough head to shut ya up and my favorite C: the women that want nothing more than to suck a dick. A man is only as faithful as his options. If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty. There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Don't argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a arguement. It's impossble you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense. tA  Tribal Disorder
http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431 "Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all." | |
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"When you love somebody, you got to love everything about them. You got to love the crust of a motherfucker. You can't just love the white part of the bread. You gotta love the crust, the crumbs, the tiny crumbs at the bottom of the toaster. That's what the real motherfucker is."
"Whatever you into, your woman gotta be into, too, and vice versa...or the shit ain't gonna work. It ain't gonna work. That's right. lf you born-again, your woman gotta be born-again, too. lf you a crackhead, your woman gotta be a crackhead, too...or the shit won't work. You can't be like, ''l'm going to church, where you going?'' ''Hittin' the pipe!''...That relationship ain't going nowhere. Two crackheads can stay together forever." [Edited 2/17/06 14:41pm] | |
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"Relationships: easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? Because it's hard to keep up the lie. 'Cause you can't get nobody being you. You got to lie to get somebody.
You can't get nobody looking like you look, acting like you act...sounding like you sound. When you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them. You're meeting their representative." | |
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Byron said: "When you love somebody, you got to love everything about them. You got to love the crust of a motherfucker. You can't just love the white part of the bread. You gotta love the crust, the crumbs, the tiny crumbs at the bottom of the toaster. That's what the real motherfucker is."
"Whatever you into, your woman gotta be into, too, and vice versa...or the shit ain't gonna work. It ain't gonna work. That's right. lf you born-again, your woman gotta be born-again, too. lf you a crackhead, your woman gotta be a crackhead, too...or the shit won't work. You can't be like, ''l'm going to church, where you going?'' ''Hittin' the pipe!''...That relationship ain't going nowhere. Two crackheads can stay together forever." Sounds like you've got Never Scared on the DVD player. 
tA Tribal Disorder
http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431 "Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all." | |
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theAudience said: Byron said: "When you love somebody, you got to love everything about them. You got to love the crust of a motherfucker. You can't just love the white part of the bread. You gotta love the crust, the crumbs, the tiny crumbs at the bottom of the toaster. That's what the real motherfucker is."
"Whatever you into, your woman gotta be into, too, and vice versa...or the shit ain't gonna work. It ain't gonna work. That's right. lf you born-again, your woman gotta be born-again, too. lf you a crackhead, your woman gotta be a crackhead, too...or the shit won't work. You can't be like, ''l'm going to church, where you going?'' ''Hittin' the pipe!''...That relationship ain't going nowhere. Two crackheads can stay together forever." Sounds like you've got Never Scared on the DVD player.
tA Tribal Disorder
http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431 ...I actually found that bit online... Is that the name of the DVD it's on??.. | |
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Byron said: ...I actually found that bit online... Is that the name of the DVD it's on??..That's the one... 
...Rent it at the very least. The whole routine is great but the sequence on The Jacksons is priceless. tA Tribal Disorder
http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431 "Ya see, we're not interested in what you know...but what you are willing to learn. C'mon y'all." | |
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^ still haven't watched that! Everytime I looked for it I found the audio CD instead.  | |
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i love chris rock. love. him. | |
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theAudience said: There are three types of women in the world:
A: Women that give NO head. B: Women that give just enough head to shut ya up and my favorite C: the women that want nothing more than to suck a dick. Byron said: Ladies, it ain't that you talk too much. You just talk too much as soon as we get in the fucking door. Let a man get situated. We don't need to hear everything right away. Soon as you take one step in, it's ''You're not gonna believe this....''...Let me get my other foot in the fucking door! Let me get something to eat! Let me get something to drink! Let me take a shit!"
| |
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I watch them everytime they come on.  I think I forgot about Never Scared, but Bring the Pain and Bigger & Blacker are imprinted on my brain   I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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CalhounSq said: I watch them everytime they come on.
I think I forgot about Never Scared, but Bring the Pain and Bigger & Blacker are imprinted on my brain 
i can quote bigger and blacker like some people can quote the bible. i guess i really shouldn't be too proud of that.  | |
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JasmineFire said: CalhounSq said: I watch them everytime they come on.
I think I forgot about Never Scared, but Bring the Pain and Bigger & Blacker are imprinted on my brain
i can quote bigger and blacker like some people can quote the bible. i guess i really shouldn't be too proud of that. if Chris was a preacher, i'd go to his service every sunday, i'd even pitch in on the cadillac. | |
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the man speaks the truth, if you are a good looking female, and guys are nice to you, "would yo like some dick  ? every guy thats nice to you been tryin to fuck you since you was thirteen! " | |
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4nowneway said: the man speaks the truth, if you are a good looking female, and guys are nice to you, "would yo like some dick
? every guy thats nice to you been tryin to fuck you since you was thirteen! "
though, it doesn't work that often. i've been more successful by being mean. | |
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4nowneway said: the man speaks the truth, if you are a good looking female, and guys are nice to you, "would yo like some dick
? every guy thats nice to you been tryin to fuck you since you was thirteen! ""It's easy for women to turn down sex. lt ain't shit for y'all to turn down sex. lt ain't no thing for y'all to turn down sex. Y'all like, "Why can't you turn it down? l do it all the time."..."Why can't you say no? l say no." See, it's easy for y'all. You know why? 'Cause every woman in here, ever since you were 13...every guy you met has been trying to fuck you. That's right. Women are offered dick every day. Every woman in here...gets offered dick at least three times a week. Three times a day, shit! That's right, every time a man's being nice to you...all he's doing is offering dick. That's all it is. ''Can l get that for you? How about some dick?'' ''Could l help you with that? Could l help you to some dick?" ''Do you need some dick?'' Nobody offers us shit." | |
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Byron said: 4nowneway said: the man speaks the truth, if you are a good looking female, and guys are nice to you, "would yo like some dick
? every guy thats nice to you been tryin to fuck you since you was thirteen! ""It's easy for women to turn down sex. lt ain't shit for y'all to turn down sex. lt ain't no thing for y'all to turn down sex. Y'all like, "Why can't you turn it down? l do it all the time."..."Why can't you say no? l say no." See, it's easy for y'all. You know why? 'Cause every woman in here, ever since you were 13...every guy you met has been trying to fuck you. That's right. Women are offered dick every day. Every woman in here...gets offered dick at least three times a week. Three times a day, shit! That's right, every time a man's being nice to you...all he's doing is offering dick. That's all it is. ''Can l get that for you? How about some dick?'' ''Could l help you with that? Could l help you to some dick?" ''Do you need some dick?'' Nobody offers us shit." oh lawd.....he's right though... | |
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Byron said: 4nowneway said: the man speaks the truth, if you are a good looking female, and guys are nice to you, "would yo like some dick
? every guy thats nice to you been tryin to fuck you since you was thirteen! ""It's easy for women to turn down sex. lt ain't shit for y'all to turn down sex. lt ain't no thing for y'all to turn down sex. Y'all like, "Why can't you turn it down? l do it all the time."..."Why can't you say no? l say no." See, it's easy for y'all. You know why? 'Cause every woman in here, ever since you were 13...every guy you met has been trying to fuck you. That's right. Women are offered dick every day. Every woman in here...gets offered dick at least three times a week. Three times a day, shit! That's right, every time a man's being nice to you...all he's doing is offering dick. That's all it is. aint that the truth ''Can l get that for you? How about some dick?'' ''Could l help you with that? Could l help you to some dick?" ''Do you need some dick?'' Nobody offers us shit." | |
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"them niggas got jacked!", "they spinnin nigga, they spinnin!!!! ,", "the big piece of chicken! " | |
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Byron said: 4nowneway said: the man speaks the truth, if you are a good looking female, and guys are nice to you, "would yo like some dick
? every guy thats nice to you been tryin to fuck you since you was thirteen! ""It's easy for women to turn down sex. lt ain't shit for y'all to turn down sex. lt ain't no thing for y'all to turn down sex. Y'all like, "Why can't you turn it down? l do it all the time."..."Why can't you say no? l say no." See, it's easy for y'all. You know why? 'Cause every woman in here, ever since you were 13...every guy you met has been trying to fuck you. That's right. Women are offered dick every day. Every woman in here...gets offered dick at least three times a week. Three times a day, shit! That's right, every time a man's being nice to you...all he's doing is offering dick. That's all it is. ''Can l get that for you? How about some dick?'' ''Could l help you with that? Could l help you to some dick?" ''Do you need some dick?'' Nobody offers us shit." That part has me on the FLOOR!!! I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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I'm downloading 'Bring The Pain' right now, is it any good? | |
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