Alright, alright, maybe this is already covered on some other post, if it is - scuse me. But please, humor me. I know valentines day is obnoxious. Everywhere you look; there are stupid red and pink hearts. All that shit gets shoved down your throat. BUT, that day, most women I know, expect something, anything - just a little fucking effort so that we don't feel left out while all these other bitches are getting jewelry, dinners, and flowers. Ok, I need to breathe.

A couple of years ago, the man I was seeing, (for a few months) didn't do jack for me on valentine’s day. He forwarded me a valentines day joke thing. I didn't want to have to ask if we were doing anything. Needless to say, I was so mad and felt so let down that day, that I started to blow him off. Eventually, i told him that I thought he should have at least taken me to lunch. (We worked like 5 blocks from each other) He said that valentine’s day just didn't mean anything to him. Well, it just bothered me and I felt indifferent to him after that. I guess cause I figured he just didn't care how I felt.

Now, this year, I'm seeing someone. Things are pretty good, but it's only been a couple of months. If he doesn't do anything, I'm going to feel hurt once again. But, then again, maybe I should just accept that I attract men who are mean and thoughtless???

Any thoughts on just accepting a no show on valentines?




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[Edited 2/7/06 12:15pm]

You should buy him a clue for V-day.

I don't appreciate how V-DAY is such a big deal. People should be romantic always if not every once in a while. It's a headache too. All the restuarants are packed

V-day.

queue jack nicholson sample "i just like the sound of it"

BlackBuddy said:

I know, I know. But it's also just in addition to the other romantic days. If you don't get a little something, no matter how old you are, you feel kinda left out. My brother-in-law still gets my sister something, and they've been married for 11 years. It's like you're saying why celebrate anything? You should celebrate everyday-that's all nice and ideal, but sometimes it's just not the way it is.

gabeez said:

ok, here's the thing...

i am guilty of this too but would it be so bad to say now
"so, are we making any plans for next tuesday? it would be nice if we could do something together."

we want to be surprised but then when we are surprised with nothing we get upset. if it's a new relationship the first time around he could be unsure of what is expected. if he replies that he doesn't really care then that might be a clue that he's mean and thoughtless

gabeez said:

WOW! That's a lot of misguided energy around a hallmark holiday. I know it's sucks to that he barely ackknowleged your feelings at all while everyone else who is even slightly involved gets at least a flower. At the very least, he ought to have discussed "NOT" doing anything on the holiday...because it's almost assumed one does stuff.

Now on this new guy...just ask him if he observes it. That's all you should need to do. Then you know. And if you want him to celebrate it with you a simple "so what are our plans for Valentines day?" should suffice. You need to decide how important it is that your partner recognizes this day.

My partner and I don't celebrate it. We don't like the pressure or the cost involved. Although to be honest, I would LOVE to get something delivered to me on that day as a surprise...just once. But I recognize that that probably won't happen unless I ask for it. For convenience sake, we tend to celebrate stuff the weekend after.

By always making V-Day a "guy's responsibility", you're setting yourself up for a potential fall.

Why can't you do something for him 50% of the time?


But if you insist on maintaining the status quo, how do you feel about this...

http://www.steakandbjday....istory.php

...


tA

Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...dID=182431

Valentine's Day should be every day.

I agree. When are women going to step up to plate. They always sit and wait for the guy. This Valentine's routine is another example. For whatever reason it's all about women on that day. Their shallowness is really obvious on that day.

I f---ing HATE Valentine's Day. Can't stand these phony made-up holidays. Just another way to get guys to spend money, and for what?

I don't do sh!t for V-Day, but I make sure to tell my girlfriend that in advance. So far, I haven't had any complaints because I treat my girlfriend like a queen every day of the year. F--- all that phony manufactured love sh!t.

Nevermind the Valentines stuff I don't do the "treat them like a queen" crap either. I will consider it when i am treated like a king.

uPtoWnNY said:

According to church tradition St. Valentine was a priest near Rome in about the year 270 A.D. At that time the Roman Emperor Claudius-II who had issued an edict forbidding marriage.
When Claudius became the emperor, he felt that married men were more emotionally attached to their families, and thus, will not make good soldiers. So to assure quality soldiers, he banned marriage.
Valentine, a bishop , seeing the trauma of young lovers, met them in a secret place, and joined them in the sacrament of matrimony. Claudius learned of this "friend of lovers," and had him arrested. The emperor, impressed with the young priest's dignity and conviction, attempted to convert him to the roman gods, to save him from certain execution. Valentine refused to recognize Roman Gods and even attempted to convert the emperor, knowing the consequences fully.
On February 24, 270, Valentine was executed.
While Valentine was in prison awaiting his fate, he came in contact with his jailor, Asterius. The jailor had a blind daughter. Asterius requested him to heal his daughter. Through his faith he miraculously restored the sight of Asterius' daughter. Just before his execution, he asked for a pen and paper from his jailor, and signed a farewell message to her "From Your Valentine," a phrase that lived ever after.


Valentine thus become a Patron Saint, and spiritual overseer of an annual festival. The festival involved young Romans offering women they admired, and wished to court, handwritten greetings of affection on February 14. The greeting cards acquired St.Valentine's name.

The Valentine's Day card spread with Christianity, and is now celebrated all over the world. One of the earliest card was sent in 1415 by Charles, duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was a prisoner in the Tower of London. The card is now preserved in the British Museum.


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emm said:

I totally agree. Sometimes you just have to ask for what you need. (Especially with men...they are totally clueless. )

applekisses said:

I guess so, I will probably just say something. I hate to expect to just get mad, if I can say something without feeling stupid...


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most people like valentines day, if you do it right....


some folks are into the flowers, cards, chocolates....


others like to go out and do something special...


some just look forward to a romantic night at home...


whatever they like, they like to be remembered on this day






i remember when i was married, my husband wasnt the type to like all that mushy shit... so, i tried to think of what i could do for him that he WOULD enjoy. when he arrived home from work, there was a note on the door with those little valnetines day candies on it, you know, the conversation heart things ?

anyway, they lead him all through the house with clues and little messages. he found them all, some made him giggle, others were just outright invitations for a night of passion

in the end, the last clue took him to a big basket i had got of us from the sex store filled with tons of goodies and games. i remember there was some handcuffs, some edible oils, some naughty dice, a lovers game, a blindfold, a whip , some whipped cream, honey and chocolate sauce.... along with some chocolate covered strawberries and whatever the hell we drank that night oh, and a blank video tape


needless to say, he had a nice valentines evening

Too much info!!!!

If you say something to him it's going to make you look bad. You'll look needy and insecure. That's not attractive. Don't buy in to the whole routine that the day is important.

Spats said:

damn, really? see my instinct is to not say anything. But, he doesn't seem like the romantic type. So, I'm betting he won't do anything. And, I can pretend not to care, but that day when my co-worker gets flowers, and I know she will. I am going to feel bad.

So.....





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you know that spats is an idiot and anything that he says should be disregarded in it's entirety, right??

don't worry, we all wish there was a button you could click to make his posts disappear
just start a dialogue with your man!!!

V-Day is really Venereal day. i'd suggest skipping it.

How am i being an idiot? If the guy is not the romantic type then she should leave him alone. Don't make him do anything he may be uncomfortable with. if he is nice to you then that should be enough.

If she does start talking about this with him she will come across as shallow, needy and insecure. Your instinct is not to say anything? Go with that. Trust your instincts. leave him alone.

gabeez said:

Well...like emm said...just keep it casual...like "Should I make reservations for dinner on Tuesday?"

Does not look good.

how can learning how to communicate a person's wants and needs ever be a bad thing?

who knows?? when you ask him if you are doing anything he might surprise you
by saying he's already made plans and you will have to wait to find out!
then plan a little surprise of your own

if you can't talk to your lover who can you talk to??

If her wants and needs are to be taken out and romanced on Valentine's day then it's not a good thing. And if she is pretty much gonna ask for this then it's worse.