How often do you give it??...How often do you receive it??...

Talking with a friend on Monday, she told me about hearing something about me "thru the grapevine" awhile back that could have been perceived negatively. She said if it had been anyone else it might have been, but "Because it was you, it didn't effect me. I just said to myself 'This is Byron...even if it's true he must have had a good reason'"...I was sincerely touched.

I also thought about an incident years ago, back when I was putting myself through design school...I worked at night cleaning a three-story office building, and I was the only one who did it, I worked alone and the building was completely empty. I had a master key to all the offices so that I could go in and clean them one by one.

There was a dentist in the building, and unknown to me he had been reporting items missing from his office to Kelly, the building manager...Never anything huge, but over time just enough to be noticed and start costing him money. One morning Kelly paged me asking me to call her at work (we were good friends)...when I did she told me that dozens of items from the dentist's office had been found in a spare hallway closet...a closet that is always locked...and one to which only she and I had the key. The police were in her office and needed to ask me some questions...I was put on speaker phone and they proceeded to ask me some standard questions. Did I notice anything strange while working at night (no)...did I see anyone I didn't know in the building (no)...were there ever times when I found doors unlocked that should have been locked (never)...did anyone else have a copy of the master key besides me (nope).

When they were done I said bye to Kelly and immediately got up...I was bothered at the fact that I had no alibi, and I had such easy access to all the things stolen from the dentist's office...and I was the ONLY person who had a key to the closet in which they were found. I worked alone at night, from 10 pm to 5 am, so I had the entire building to myself to do whatever I pleased...and I was black, in a city not exactly known for its racial diversity...lol. I started fearing for my job, worrying about what would happen next...I couldn't go back to sleep.

So I called up Kelly a few hours later. I had my reasoning and logic prepared in my mind to counter the evidence that all pointed solely in my direction. I said I hoped that she, Helen (the building owner) and Barb (a co-manager of the building) didn't suspected me of taking those things, cuz I could understand why they might.

Kelly busted out laughing on the phone.

She said that was the first thing the police asked the three of them when they arrived, if I could or should be considered a possible suspect in their eyes. Kelly said "Helen and Barb immediately laughed just like I did, and said 'No way Byron did this'"...I was shocked. I had only met Helen a few times over the two years I had worked at that point...very brief moments. Barb a few times more, but only in passing. There was nobody else in that freaking building that would have or could have had the opportunity and access to that closet, except me. And all three immediately gave me the benefit of the doubt, no questions.

*****

So, the question that comes to my mind this week...how easily do you give those you feel you know the benefit of the doubt? How often do you receive the benefit of the doubt from others? What is it about a person that makes you give it? Is it because they always seem sincere, and never cause "red flags" to pop up in your mind? Or do you tend to not give it very often to anyone, no matter what? If not, why not? Are there people in your life who deserve the benefit of the doubt yet you rarely give it to them? If so, why not? Are there people in your life who do not deserve the benefit of the doubt, yet you keep giving it to them over and over? If so, why?

And btw, the culprit in the dentist caper was a maintenance man who was let go 9 months earlier...lol...he had a friend make a copy of the master key (it says "DO NOT COPY" on the key, so his friend got in trouble as well).
[Edited 2/1/06 9:08am]

I use to give people the benefit of the doubt all the time. I never liked to think someone would do things to hurt me, mine or others on purpose, but the past two years have shown me differently and now I rarely give people the benefit of the doubt.

Nothinbutjoy said:

It definitely takes will to continue seeing the good in people sometimes, yeah...I tend to go with gut feelings. If someone's always been sincere and real with me, then even if they do something that could be taken negatively, I'll try my best to give them the benefit of the doubt, and just ask them questions about it.

Byron

Great topic

Im glad things turned out well for you Byron. They could have easily pointed fingers at u.

I'm given the benefit of the doubt all the time,I think because of the way I look

Like some orgers didnt believe I cussed out my mailman. Yeah I did it!!! He was being a jerk (But I apologized )

I suppose I give it as well,havent been in to many situations where I wouldn't



Boxed Edit
[Edited 2/1/06 9:22am]

I'm usually given the benefit of the doubt and because of that i feel like i'm less likely to be dishonest and more likely to give the benefit of the doubt to other people.

However, there was this one time at my former job where my officer manager believed a two-faced, lying, psycho client over me even though all of my co-workers and a doctor told him that i had done nothing wrong. From then on he was dead to me. it hurt me to the core that he would take the word of some stranger over my own.

JasmineFire said:

When you are given the benefit of the doubt, you do find yourself valuing that so much that you honor it...it's a very low feeling to let someone down who only saw the best in you. Everyone can do it once, we're only human...but I couldn't fathom continuing to do so. I'd have to question myself if that happened...

So, the question that comes to my mind this week...how easily do you give those you feel you know the benefit of the doubt ? with ease and often



How often do you receive the benefit of the doubt from others? I am not sure about that but i also find myself not caring much either way




What is it about a person that makes you give it? I dont think it's so much the person and what is it about them ...it's more within myself...a faith and trust i feel to


Is it because they always seem sincere, and never cause "red flags" to pop up in your mind? that may fule my inner comfort some, yes

Or do you tend to not give it very often to anyone, no matter what? I tend to give it out more often ... no matter what


Are there people in your life who do not deserve the benefit of the doubt, yet you keep giving it to them over and over? If so, why?

It is hard for me to say what or what not another being "deserves" ...it goes against my nature to think one person "deserves" something another doesnt

Byron said:

if you are continually betraying someone who is trusting you, then you need to work out some issues. i give people my trust, what they do with it is up to them.

I think you've told me this story before. I wouldn't have thought it was you either.




Mostly never, it's hard for me to trust people.



Fairly often,I imagine.


Experience with that person and/or a strong gut feeling.




Sometimes.


Yeah that's me.





I'm sure there are a few.




HELL NO! If you actually do earn my trust and then you betray me in someway I'm fucking finished with you.

I hate threads like this because they force me to actually analyze myself. Then I see just how fucked I really am.

jerseykrs said:

we all fucked buddy.

Sweeny79 said:

Owch!!...

Byron said:

I guess that's why my mom's pet name for me is tough cookie.