My dad passed away 4 years ago, and for the past 3 weeks i've been so miserable and didn't know why. I have been having a lot of issues with myself, and when i go to work i just sit in my cube and just think all day long about all the negative stuff in my life and i just can't shake it. I snapped at my boyfriend yesterday because of something simple he said and made a real big issue of it. I think he thinks that i'm acting really unneccessarily silly, but i feel like i can't breathe. Like nobody wants to be bothered by me. My boyfriend is having issues with his family and has been stressed out himself also, i've been trying to support him but its like i give him comfort and he acts as if he doesn't want it. Now i'm sick of hearing about his issues and being sensitive to him, keeping quiet about the things that i'm going through at this moment.

i dunno anymore...everything people say to me i take way too seriously and get offended and defensive on them. I don't know what else to do. My dad was really the only person that i felt understood where i was coming from on things, but now he is gone and i can't talk to him. I feel so alone right now, i try to tell myself that somewhere somebody else is going through something worst than me, so i try to just suck it up, but i just even more miserable.

i'll be starting grad school in April, so i'm trying to get myself together before then so my mind will be clear, but right now, i'm not being really successful....

oh yeah i forgot to say that i had a dream about him last night, that he had come back to us and everything was just a cruel joke. I woke up in a rage...that was something that i always used to dream about right after he first died, i wished that someone was playing a cruel joke on me but it wasn't a joke.....

i thought that i had learned how to deal with this, but seems like i still haven't....

missfee said:

sorry to hear that, I hope you feel better soon.

unlucky7 said:

thanks i hope so too.

im sorry to hear of your pain..


i have heard before that when someone you are very close who has passed away comes into your dreams, it means that they are comming by to visit...


perhaps this was dad's way of comming to let you know hes thinking of you, and to keep your chin up as they say, do the very best you can in all you do....


just because our loved ones may leave us as we know them does not mean that they arent with us anymore


rest easy tonight sweetheart, know that you are a beautiful person with a wonderful heart.... everything will work out just fine

missfee said:

Don't suck it up. Try to do something about it, maybe with some professional help? Or talk with a close friend, family member or even your boyfriend? If they don't know you feel that bad they can't be sensitive to it and help you.

I wish you bright light, and guidance.

Perhaps your Dad came to you last evening to let you know he is around, and to give you that comfort you are used to..


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[Edited 1/30/06 11:12am]

missfee said:

oh wow when you feel this way words don't cover it, but just remember there is always a beautiful sunrise to wake up to in the morning and love to be shared

NEVER forget that no matter how far in the distance it seems

I can only understand what I went through when my mom died. I don't want to offend you by saying that I know EXACTLY what you're going through.

It does get better, I swear. It'll be hard but hang in there. I always look at the dreams that I have of my mom as visitations. My dreams about her have always been happy ones.


M

i still miss my dad, although he's been gone for almost 5 years now...
i don't think we ever 'get over' losing a loved one. it may get easier with time but there are still bad days . ..

XxAxX said:

Very true. It's been 7 1/2 years since my own father passed away.

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so badly lately.

It sounds like you're going through a tough time right now, but it will pass and the pain WILL lessen with time.
Try to take comfort in knowing that he's watching over you and wouldn't want you to feel bad.

1sexymf said:

It's been eight years since my dad passed away (today's his birthday, in fact <-- for dad )

And not a day goes by that I don't miss him...but, the pain does become less...you won't be walking around with it all the time. Listen to 1sexymf...he is always watching over you... Hang in there, honey.

thanks everybody for all of your support. today started out okay, then it got bad, then got alright...for right now...

it's good to know that i'm not alone when it comes to feeling left out or out of place...

if i start to feel any worse this week than i have for the past week, then i've decided that i may need to go talk to a therapist again. My job offers it for free, and i got all the information and stuff.

My mom had a hysterectomy a few days ago, she was sick and in so much pain, she told me she had a dream of an old co-worker of hers. They were kinda close; her son and I would hang out a lot. She passed away from cancer. Anyway the dream was about her leaving her job. I don't think she ever had a dream about her, that she can remember...my mom said she hopes she's not going to meet her any time soon on the other side. I hope not ....I hope the dream was just about support.

missfee said:

It sounds like you are mildly depressed to me so it is a really good idea to speak to a therapist.

I've lost both parents and even though it's been 20 years for my dad and 13 for my mom, I miss them terribly.

It's okay to feel what you do. there is no timeframe on the grieving process.