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Printablebluesbaby said: Byron said: I don't think you really read what I write...you only think you do. You quickly classify it into a Hallmark card take on things...couldn't be more wrong. Too many people think relationships = love...too many people think "falling in love" = love...and too many people think in terms of results and expectations when it comes to relationships, love and being "in love"... Yes, it is possible for a human being to determine their actions and reactions in life free of the thought of results...yes, you can love someone and never be in a relationship with them...yes, you can approach someone else you connect with in life from a standpoint of simply expressing whatever level of love you have for them with no specific desired result. Yes, the expression of love can, and in my eyes should be, the reward itself...expressing and showing love should never be a road to some "other" destination or goal. Saying "I love you" should be an act independent of anything other than a desire to say it...showing love and loving someone should be something you do that is independent of anything other than the reward of simply loving. And yeah, Case, people can and do behave this way. You end up emotionally healthier and more at peace because of it...there are no chess games being played, no trying to figure out how to position yourself for better results...and you appreciate everything so much more. It's irrelevant whether or not you personally can do it. I am so tired of folks overanalyzing the feelings of anything, that it must be chemical reactions, or some reasonable explanation. I do believe in spiritual growth, in enlightenment. I believe in the ridiculousness of love and faith and all the ambiguity of it all! Yes, people need to think levelly, but damn, lets keep the magic in there. If we take the magic out of love, out of enlightenment or spiritual growth, what are we gaining, that makes anything appealing? I appreciate your posts, Byron, and I could care less if you read Leo Buscaglia or not.   ...Thank you, hun... 
And for the record, I've never read Leo Buscaglia...lol...or anyone else like him. A few too many people here seem to think that all I'm doing is rehashing stuff I read in some self-help love and relationship books and trying to pass it off as my own thoughts...like what I say can't possibly be based in reality or experience. Because we "all" know that love and relationships "don't work that way". Yeah, ok. I look at things like this in this manner: imagine you found a wallet with $500 dollars in it and no identification. What do you do? If you follow the type of philosophy many around here take when it comes to love, you would weigh all the pros and cons of every option available to you: How broke are you? Could you use the money? What if you turn it in and the police keep it for themselves? Shouldn't you at least get a reward? How is anyone going to claim money from a wallet that doesn't have ID? What if the person who lost the wallet doesn't even live in the area and were just passing through? Your bills are past due, and this could really help you out...shouldn't that be considered? Hey, with no I.D. it's there loss, right? If you follow the type of philosophy I espouse when it comes to love, you only think of one thing: what's the right thing to do? There are no "What If's" involved...you do the right thing because it's the right thing to do. Doing it is reward in and of itself. You don't concentrate on the desired results of your actions...you simply do what your soul tells you be the right thing, and let whatever happens, happen. ... [Edited 1/28/06 11:30am] | |
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Byron said: bluesbaby said: I am so tired of folks overanalyzing the feelings of anything, that it must be chemical reactions, or some reasonable explanation. I do believe in spiritual growth, in enlightenment. I believe in the ridiculousness of love and faith and all the ambiguity of it all! Yes, people need to think levelly, but damn, lets keep the magic in there. If we take the magic out of love, out of enlightenment or spiritual growth, what are we gaining, that makes anything appealing? I appreciate your posts, Byron, and I could care less if you read Leo Buscaglia or not. ...Thank you, hun...
And for the record, I've never read Leo Buscaglia...lol...or anyone else like him. A few too many people here seem to think that all I'm doing is rehashing stuff I read in some self-help love and relationship books and trying to pass it off as my own thoughts...like what I say can't possibly be based in reality or experience. Because we "all" know that love and relationships "don't work that way". Yeah, ok. I look at things like this in this manner: imagine you found a wallet with $500 dollars in it and no identification. What do you do? If you follow the type of philosophy many around here take when it comes to love, you would weigh all the pros and cons of every option available to you: How broke are you? Could you use the money? What if you turn it in and the police keep it for themselves? Shouldn't you at least get a reward? How is anyone going to claim money from a wallet that doesn't have ID? What if the person who lost the wallet doesn't even live in the area and were just passing through? Your bills are past due, and this could really help you out...shouldn't that be considered? Hey, with no I.D. it's there loss, right? If you follow the type of philosophy I espouse when it comes to love, you only think of one thing: what's the right thing to do? There are no "What If's" involved...you do the right thing because it's the right thing to do. Doing it is reward in and of itself. You don't concentrate on the desired results of your actions...you simply do what your soul tells you be the right thing, and let whatever happens, happen. ... [Edited 1/28/06 11:30am] Actually, Byron, I agree with some of your thoughts, insofar as 'doing the right thing' is concerned. I just have a chip on my shoulders towards the glamorization of the whole 'Soulmate' factor. I've been in love a few times in my life and I certainly bared my soul to those people. If you've never read Buscaglia, GOOD! Guy's a nut. In fact, so aren't 9/10 of relationship gurus. I DO like Greg Behrendt--the dude who wrote "He's Just Not That Into You" because he has a ZERO bullshit/hearts and flowers approach to love. And that's what I look for in life and relationships: I want love...without the bullshit. | |
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KatSkrizzle said:  You Smart Ass!!  | |
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Byron said: LleeLlee said: I think it has nothing to do with "rules" and more to do with a fear of rejection. Just because you say "I love you" it doesn't mean he's going to fall to his knees and proclaim his undying love for too you now does it.. just saying.. sorry if that sounds harsh, i'm a bit cranky 
Love isn't about aquisition and what you can get in return...the expression and giving of it is the reward, and the purpose. Or it should be. If anyone says "I love you", it should be because they know it and feel it at their core...and there's an instinctual desire to express what they know to be true. When that philosophy takes hold, the fear of expressing love diminishes greatly... "One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't speak." "Deep in my heart, I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess how I'm feeling. Frightened you'll slip away." "Love is too strong a word to say it too early, but it has too beautiful a meaning to say it too late." In an ideal world, but there is also that instinct for self-preservation. Being hurt/betrayed in the past you might be somewhat reluctant to open up as you used to. "I love you," can be three of the most complicated words in the English language, depending on the context in which you say them of course. I've said them and never regreted it. saying "I love you," is and should always be sincere and yes it can be the most intoxicating feeling. Of course, there's nothing like hearing it being said to you. I was just trying to explain why some people might be reluctant to say I love you. I dont think we should question their sincerity or somehow deem them as lesser mortals because they dont shout it from the roof tops. I know that i am loved through actions, which to me can sometimes say so much more..... forgive my rambling, i'm still getting over my flu 
... [Edited 1/29/06 5:18am] | |
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I don't think most people even know what love is. They think they do but they don't. And that explains the skyrocketing divorce rate.
Guys love women who are direct and say what they want and mean. The whole "Guys love the chase" is outdated. Women need to update their views. | |
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Spats said: I don't think most people even know what love is.
I would have to agree. List of people who have no concept of what love is : 1. Spats That is all | |
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ok, i ain't gonna read everyone's reply, but i skimmed through a bit.
IMO, i don't have time to play games. i've never been into game playing. if you like/love me just tell me. if i like/love you i'll tell you. period. i may wait a bit to see if feelings are returned, and to be sure of my feelings. but waiting til he says it first? nah, forget that. i ain't afraid to make a move. games are SOOOO third-grade!! | |
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Spats said: I don't think most people even know what love is. They think they do but they don't. And that explains the skyrocketing divorce rate.
No, they don't.Guys love women who are direct and say what they want and mean. The whole "Guys love the chase" is outdated. Women need to update their views. | |
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Stymie said: Spats said: I don't think most people even know what love is. They think they do but they don't. And that explains the skyrocketing divorce rate.
No, they don't.Guys love women who are direct and say what they want and mean. The whole "Guys love the chase" is outdated. Women need to update their views. so what kind of women do they love then? I will forever love and miss you...my sweet Prince. | |
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Spats, and so its just women that need to update their views? Thank you, once again, for putting all the responsibility and "blame" on the woman. Damn.
Its not just up to women to change their expectations and beliefs, etc. And one of the reasons that divorce rates are so high is that people don't know how to communicate, or let things like money become such big issues that they find themselves unable to talk about them anymore. But then, if you think that its just the woman that needs to change her views, good luck with that communication thing... SHEESH! | |
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