I'm welcoming a Spats attack....

OK, so the girls are out to dinner and we always end up talking about men...you know this! So one of the females in our crew tries so hard to be hard core playa playa. She's so soft and hardly the "playa" she thinks she is! Anyway, we got in her tail about her man. She is forever playing aloof and not getting too close. (Why do we punish the good ones for what the bad ones did???) She is totally in love with him, we all see it.

So here was the debate... She WILL NOT say she loves him first...I say do it! stop being so HARD!! But... two females said no, it's against the "rules"

These damn rules! So fellas, what do you think? I think she's gonna be hard core till he comes around. What do you think fellas? and ladies

real love will not be held back by any man or womans ego

real love can not be contianed by power plays or games

In land of my birth man gets woman if he can carry her 2 miles against her will I never understand western dating customs

I'm a sucker for girls who say they love me, but really, I have to be more selective....this shit ain't working and it's stressing me.....

Mach said:

Amen to all of that!

ThreadCula said:

game players get games in return

KatSkrizzle said:

I think she's right. She's not "punishing" him for what the bad ones did - she is just making HIM chase HER which men love to do anyway.
All that suspense works for either sex.
The more time you spend wondering what a person is thinking = the more time you spend thinking about them. It can be likened to foreplay, the more foreplay, the more intense the sex! (well...for ME anyway!)
BTW, I'm extremely happily married..
[Edited 1/27/06 8:32am]

ThreadCula said:

...Life's too short to fuck around with emotional games and the people who play them.

I don't think it's an emotional game. I think that women are taught to be aloof and leave a lot up to the man. But I have ran into a lot of men that appreciate a direct, knows what she wants woman. It looks like our opinion to grow balls and say it first is winning!!

Byron said:

Byron said:

If she loves the guy, she should tell him.

KatSkrizzle said:

When you "play aloof" and go by "rules", then it qualifies as an emotional game in my eyes...emotional honesty and sincerity is always best.

The natural dance of beginning relationships and connections, of course, is something different...when you know there's something between you that goes unspoken, and you bring it to life though an infinite number of emotionally-rhythmic "moves" that are (hopefully) met by the other person. It's an amazing feeling and becomes even moreso as you both grow comfortable in letting the dance just happen without thought or hesitations. Placing rules, disclaimers and conditions within that dance only adds confusion. Let it be natural...there's amazing "music" you're both dancing to that only the two of you can hear. I say let it carry you.

Byron said:

Stymie said:

I'm a fucking romantic...lol

..
[Edited 1/27/06 10:28am]

KatSkrizzle said:

Is that your friend? Cuz she sounds like she's on some straight Vivica shit.

Unfortunately, too many men only respond to games.

KatSkrizzle said:

I wouldn't advise your friend who sounds like she's been hurt before to put herself out there on a limb when he obviously hasn't given her what she needs to feel secure. Respect comes from boundries and that is the seed of true love.

KatSkrizzle said:

I think it has nothing to do with "rules" and more to do with a fear of rejection. Just because you say "I love you" it doesn't mean he's going to fall to his knees and proclaim his undying love for too you now does it..

just saying..

sorry if that sounds harsh, i'm a bit cranky

...
[Edited 1/27/06 16:52pm]

LleeLlee said:

Love isn't about aquisition and what you can get in return...the expression and giving of it is the reward, and the purpose. Or it should be. If anyone says "I love you", it should be because they know it and feel it at their core...and there's an instinctual desire to express what they know to be true. When that philosophy takes hold, the fear of expressing love diminishes greatly...


"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't speak."

"Deep in my heart, I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess how I'm feeling. Frightened you'll slip away."

"Love is too strong a word to say it too early, but it has too beautiful a meaning to say it too late."

I don't know. If a girl is going to file a restraint order on me, she might be overdoing the hard-to-get thing, right? Cause secretly she's just reaaally in love with me? Ain't that the truth?

KatSkrizzle said:

I think that an attitude like that does not bode well for the future relationship. Relationships have to be based on honesty and communication neither of which she is demonstrating here. If she loves him then she should tell him. If he feels the same he will say, if not she will know. Life is too short for games, just live and never regret. IMHO
[Edited 1/28/06 3:31am]

Byron said:

You say the most profound things! Are you a writer?

KatSkrizzle said:

Ah...but eventually the music changes tempo once you are beyond the early stages of a relationship...and people tend to really step on each others feet once that happens.

Byron, you're an excellent writer, but I respectfully disagree with your Leo Buscaglia/Greg Godek approach to love and relationships. The whole so-called 'magic' of falling in love is simply a chemical reaction in the brain and --sorry, ladies--has NOTHING to do with any kind of 'enlightenment' or 'spiritual growth.' Eventually, that 'sparks, fire and tingling in your toes' wears off, leaving you with a RELATIONSHIP, which is first and foremost, a partnership.

I'm not saying that you can't FEEL the emotional and physical sensation of love when you are in a tenured relationship with someone, but the idea of using LOVE as some kind of pathway to a higher metaphysical state is just plain silly. I get bored with this New Age, 'I-just-want-to-find-my-soulmate' view of love. It's caused both men and women to have unrealistic expectations within relationships, and I believe its one of the main reasons why the divorce rate is so high.

Or as Mark Twain said, "Love may make the world go 'round...but so won't a good swallow of tobacco juice."

Byron said:

Yep...games are for kids. Life is too short to waste time and deal with silly rules. Just come out and say what you mean. If the person doesn't feel the same way, then move on. Women who play 'hard-to-get' with me are gone.

KatSkrizzle said:

Mach said:

the voice of reason yet again ... blessed be goddess

Case said:

I don't think you really read what I write...you only think you do. You quickly classify it into a Hallmark card take on things...couldn't be more wrong.

Too many people think relationships = love...too many people think "falling in love" = love...and too many people think in terms of results and expectations when it comes to relationships, love and being "in love"...

Yes, it is possible for a human being to determine their actions and reactions in life free of the thought of results...yes, you can love someone and never be in a relationship with them...yes, you can approach someone else you connect with in life from a standpoint of simply expressing whatever level of love you have for them with no specific desired result. Yes, the expression of love can, and in my eyes should be, the reward itself...expressing and showing love should never be a road to some "other" destination or goal. Saying "I love you" should be an act independent of anything other than a desire to say it...showing love and loving someone should be something you do that is independent of anything other than the reward of simply loving. And yeah, Case, people can and do behave this way. You end up emotionally healthier and more at peace because of it...there are no chess games being played, no trying to figure out how to position yourself for better results...and you appreciate everything so much more.

It's irrelevant whether or not you personally can do it.

uPtoWnNY said:

TMPletz said:

You Smart Ass!!

Byron said:

I am so tired of folks overanalyzing the feelings of anything, that it must be chemical reactions, or some reasonable explanation. I do believe in spiritual growth, in enlightenment. I believe in the ridiculousness of love and faith and all the ambiguity of it all! Yes, people need to think levelly, but damn, lets keep the magic in there. If we take the magic out of love, out of enlightenment or spiritual growth, what are we gaining, that makes anything appealing? I appreciate your posts, Byron, and I could care less if you read Leo Buscaglia or not.