What do you do when somebody you care about is going through something, but they don't want you to comfort them or help them??

I mean it's like this, the person has a family member that is ailing and not expected to live very long. I feel bad for him, but i feel like there isn't anything i can do to make him feel better. I told him that if he wanted to talk that I am available to him day or night and that I care...but he said that he didn't think talking about it would help very much. I felt like a complete idiot for even suggesting anything at all, maybe i should have just left it alone. I want to help him, tell him that everything is gonna be okay even though he is really hurting right now emotionally, but it seems as if he doesn't want my help.

What do I do???

Let your friend know that you are there for him if he ever wants to talk.

luv4u said:

I did that already. Just don't know what else to do.

luv4u said:

thats about all you can do

I know how he feels cause I went through that when my grandma died. When she passed my friend was trying to make me feel bettter and i didnt want any of it. Just let him ride it out....let him come to you...make sure you make yourself available cause if he sees u just ignore him he'll be upset and think oh well she doesnt care. Just be like hey if you need or want to talk about anything let me know.....but just let him deal with it and grieve....thats how I Was I hated it when people were trying to "comfort me" its just a thing u go through.

nakedpianoplayer said:

i know, but it's sort of stressing me out. I'm trying not to let it...but i hate when i can't help someone...

HungLikeGodzillah said:

true. i know what he's going through though, because i lost my dad 4 years ago. that's why i feel so bad for him.

missfee said:

yea just be there and let him go through with it....we cant do much..its something u gotta deal with on ur own

if his family member should pass away anytime soon, should i ask him he would like me to go to the funeral, or just wait and see if he would give me the information first....

missfee said:

nooooo dont ask. you GO to the funeral.

HungLikeGodzillah said:

i guess i could have answered my own question. I just don't want to say the wrong things to him....maybe i should just calm down.

missfee said:

yes have a cookie..and a glass of water...relax its going to be ok...really.

missfee said:

I'm sure he appreciates your offer of wanting to help, you shouldn't feel like an idiot. I think he will open up in his own time. Grief can be a very private thing, just give him some space. I know this may make you feel shut out and frustrated but he may feel that he wants to take his mind of it when he is with his friends, if only for a short while.

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[Edited 1/19/06 18:05pm]

you did the right thing. Better to offer your shoulder than nothing at all. they will deal with it their way.

thanks everybody for the advice.