BlackBuddy said:

maybe its just because im a mother, but some of these comments are really hateful... im sorry that some of you dont 'like' the mother you have, or that you have not found piece with them on a human to human basis, but for God's sake, they ARE your mother....

perhaps a little respect is in order

no child will know what a parent gives up for their wellbeing and safety, that is until they grow up enough to fully understand

nakedpianoplayer said:

That is a choice the parent makes, not the child. The parent made a life choice to raise their child. The child didn't come to them and say "You must raise me" or "Please raise me" I don't know how old everyone is here, but I know adoption has been around for a long time and parents who choose to keep and raise their children to the best of their ability shouldn't be asking for anything in return. That's the choice they made for their life. I'm sick of people acting like their children owe them something for what they chose to do. I plan on having children and they will never owe me anything in return for that choice I made no matter how much I sacrificed for them. That's the rold I decided to take

BlackBuddy said:

interesting...

talk to me about this after you become a mother, which btw is when we all kinda start to understand the things our parents have been saying all along, because i think you will change your tune a bit. its not to say that you dont understand what you are talking about, or that im calling you stupid by any means... im saying that you have NO CLUE what being a parent is until you ARE one. people who have no children and sit back and talk about how life will be or how they will feel after having children i'd say are in for a big surprise...

its not about children "owing" their parents anything, not at all.... its about human nature and finally understanding what mom was talking about... its the full circle of life that brings closure to the mother/child relationship and welcomes the 'friend' relationship. you grow up and you understand

nakedpianoplayer said:

I think not until they have kids of their own can they appreciate and understand their own parents.

charlottegelin said:

...having said that, now that I'm a parent, I understand and appreciate my dad even less than ever before

nakedpianoplayer said:

It's not human nature, it's learned behavior. We are taught that if are parents take care of us, we must take care of them. You can respect and love your parents, but why should you feel obligated to them? So many people feel they are held back in some way because of their obligation to their parents. It's ridiculous

No, becoming a parent isn't going to change my attitude on what my child should do for me in return or what they owe me. My sister has 2 children and she agrees with me. Her children don't owe her shit


Oh and I think you and I are talking about two different things. When you become a parent you do realize what your parents were doing when you didn't at the time, but that doesn't mean you owe them anything in return or should be grateful. Anyone who spreads their legs or dick shouldn't expect anything in return for taking repsonsibilty for the outcome of that
[Edited 1/11/06 18:22pm]

Sometimes there are some shitty people who are moms and dads, and their children have to protect themselves from physical, emotional and mental abuse by limiting or cutting off contact. A parents neuroses can easily be transmitted to their children, and soon missfee may actually start to believe that she can't ever make it on her own along with all of the other harmful messages she's being given by her mother.

We can love and respect our parents, but if they constantly put their own selfish needs before those of their children....well....what kind of example is that?

BlackBuddy said:

I don't think ALL parents raise their kids like that, mine didn't. They certainly never laid any guilt trip on me about me owing them after everything they did for me. They are happy to see that I turned out OK, I ended up a happy, decent human being, and that is enough for them. Because I am a decent human being, I choose to treat my parents with respect, as any person deserves.

BlackBuddy said:

obligation?? you can call it that, i choose to call it respect... my mother gave up a lot for me, and in return there is NOTHING i wouldnt do for her. she knows that about me and would never dream of taking advantage of that unspoken truth between us. that being said, there is also nothing she wouldnt do for me. raising my kids, their needs come way first over mine. i have gone and will go without in any situation where my children have needs...

you call it obligation, i call it respect. and for the record i still say mom makes more sense after you BECOME a mom.

nakedpianoplayer said:

I edited my post. You doing everything you can for you mom is your choice, but it is not something she should EXPECT. That's my point

BlackBuddy said:

nice edit

and yes, in my opinion, she SHOULD expect that out of me, she RAISED me to understand that family comes first, there are no questions in that for me.

i do appreciate my mom, there's nothing that I wouldn't do for her. and yes I do know what it feels like to lose a parent because i lost my dad 4 years ago....i think this is one of the reasons why she holds on so tightly

there's a difference between appreciating the nagging and such, and someone taking shit out on you because they are in emotional stress and pain....

i know parents go through a lot, i probably won't fully understand until i'm a parent myself, but until then, i'll be making plans to move out....

missfee said:

sounds like a very healthy response

nakedpianoplayer said:

I'm going to repectfully disagree. Not everyone comes from a good family. People think they're good parents when they're not. I don't think respecting your parents mean you have to sacrifice for them just because they sacrificed for you when that was what they chose to do with their life. I don't believe in that. Your children didn't ask to be here

BlackBuddy said:

hello again...

seems we will just have to respectfully disagree on this one

obviously we will not see eye to eye on this, and we are repeating the same thing over and over...


i made my original post to this after reading things on this thread that were disturbing to me as a mother AND as a child.... that has not changed. but, to each his own - every family has different values

nakedpianoplayer said:

thanks.