How To install a wireless security system:

Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots, a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in 1/2 an hr. Don't disturb the Pitbulls, they've just been wormed."

or you could just cover your door handles in shit