Yeah, the Captain has got a friend, we'll call him Admiral. Okay well Admiral asked me to ask you, wise and mighty Org, about a problem he is having. You see my friend, Admiral, is a really cool guy who gets lots and lots of ladies. I mean Admiral is dope, he's got all the moves, says all the right things, and in my opinion, is a really good looking guy. If I were a gay man, I would be all over the Admiral, you know what I'm saying. Well, anyway, Admiral has always been a wonderful lover to the ladies but lately, well, the alarm clock seems to be going off too early. He's been making his deliveries before the mailbox was open. He's been, well I could come up with creative and hiliarious ways to say this all night but the fact of the matter is that he has been dealing with issues of premature ejaculation.

It's been really bad for Admiral. He has not been pleasing the ladies like they are used to and he is frustrated. Sometime he can only go for a couple of minutes. Sometimes it's like 45 seconds. Sometimes, you know, he's still in the driveway and hasn't even knocked on the chick's door yet. Occasiaonally, he gets so excited it's like the night before. Admiral is embarrassed and ashamed and feels like half a man. I have tried to console him by telling him it happens to every guy, just like every guy still lives with their mother at the age of 32. But he doesn't believe me and asked if I would post his story and hopefully get some valuable advice.

So what should I tell him? Is their any hope for this once legendary Casanova or will Old Unfaithful keep spouting at the most inopportune times?

Um...the problem is a little more serious than I thought. When I told my friend Admiral that I had posted the problem and was seeking responses, he got so excited that he...um, well, you know...

CaptainChaos said:

I used to tell guys think about Sad things so that kinda stops it. But I know guys who Masturbate first so they can go Longer....They do it before they get with the girl. They have Cock Rings and some use Rubber Bands. LOl. Not saying to hurt Yourself but some Guys Tie themselves Balls up so they don't come....Like a Cat's Cradle shit. LOl....LOL....Twisted....Balls twisted...LOL....

What Admiral? You what? Damn it, man, control that thing?

Zelaira said:

Good and sadistic suggestions all but I will tell you the ol' Admiral pleasures himself about 15-20 times a day and it doesn't seem to help.

Perhaps you, err I mean "Admiral" could try seeing a doctor?

the captain calls his willy the admiral?

Maybe the admiral could try not to have sex with "girls", but instead just a "girl". It's morally more correct, and at least the excitement should wear off after some time.

"friend"

Zelaira said:

Zelaira...your posts are hilarious

charlottegelin said:

You call a cock a "willy"?

You think I was talking about me when I said Admiral?!! That junk is funny! No, I don't have any problems in this area whatsoever. No siree, bob. Uh-uh. Absolutely not. Nyet. Nein. Negative. No the Captain is like Janet Jackson, I'm all about control. The Admiral is DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY 100 % not the Captain.

Now on another, unrelated note, my good friend who is not me, Admiral, woke up this morning with a very mysterious rash in his bits and pieces area. Should he call somebody about that or just do what he usually does, which is pray to several different gods of several organized religions until it goes away.

Your friend is lucky to have you... Most friends would not go to such lengths to help them resolve a problem.
You must really LOVE your friend...

[Edited 1/4/06 8:25am]

shanti0608 said:

shanti0608 said:

Yeah, we have that kind of "Brokeback Mountain" thing going...except for the sex. We do like to herd sheep together though.

CaptainChaos said:

(Shanti: left speechless...)

I heard cocaine on the penis will solve that problem...

doesn't sound like an issue to me. I mean he got off, right? what does it matter otherwise?

superspaceboy said:

Yes but if Admiral is blasting off on the space dock before he gets to the Milky Way, how fulfilling could that be?

Poor, poor Admiral.

MartyMcFly said:

not grown up ones

charlottegelin said:

You call those William.

CaptainChaos said:

ain't much of an admiral if he's spent after only one time.

bkw said:

or Bill

charlottegelin said:

...as in Shatner?

superspaceboy said:

Spats? Is that you?

charlottegelin said:

You avatar isn't helping the Admiral. lol

althom said:

oh thanks for reminding me!

charlottegelin said:

and what ever you do, don't let him know you're nude from time to time on here