fantasyislander said:

I wish people would use cash, because when it comes to those card machines they treat them like fucking scientific calculators.

Speaking of charming customers, today I had one ass who flagged me down to first ask me if I worked there (I'm wearing a flaming orange apron with my name on it, you idiot), and then tells me that he needs a strengthening additive for PLASTER OF PARIS. When I ask him why he needs an additive, he replys that he needs it to be stronger. Yes, I got that part, what I dont' understand is the WHY. I finally get it out of him that he needs it to be stonger so that he can use it to level his FLOOR. When I explain to him that what he really wants is the floor leveler (three aisles over), he looks at me like I have three heads. He insists that what he needs for his bathroom floor that he is going to tile over is plaster of paris. I walk him to the floor leveler. He asks if I'm sure that is what he needs. Are you kidding??? You want to level your floor. This is FLOOR LEVELER! (?!?)

faithpopcorn said:

That fucks me up. When they see you with your work uniform and ask if you work there. Like you're some random idiot walking around the store with the same thing the employees have on because you have nothing better to do with your time.

I must admit: I rarely swipe my debit card correctly

CinisterCee said:

It doesn't require that much brain power to operate a credit card machine. People slide the FUCK outta them to the point where the machine can't read the strip then they say "JESUS CHRIST, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR MACHINES??!?!" Then i ask to look at the card, and the strip turned white from over use, and they hold my line up because the card doesn't work and that's all they have to pay with. Dumbasses.

You guys are harsh Some people ARE in fact quite dumb But some people just aren't robotic about the whole routine - they're distracted & goofy & human. Forgive them for not following procedure exactly the way you want

CalhounSq said:

You must be one of those people, because you speak from their perspective SO well. How many times have you taken a piss. You go to the bathroom, sit down, do your business, wipe, flush. You don't sit on the toilet one day, then the next day you go in and be like "DAMN!! I gotta pee, but I forget how. Fuck it, I'll just piss in the sink." That's how people fucking think. They're in there a MILLION times a week and wanna be dumb as fuck and act like they forget how to do something as simple as using a credit card, which they use so much it's practically a bodily function. There is NO excuse for stupidity. Especially when you're doing something that doesn't require knowledge about rocket science or physics. Me? I can't stand stupidity period. That's what pisses me off about these people. They're just so fucking dumb. We have our cigarettes locked up in these stand up cabinets, and we keep the keys at our registers. A customer will look DEAD at the lock and ask if they have to get the cigarettes, and I tell them "Well, if you have a key, go ahead." Come on now. If that's not assbrain stupid....

DynamicSavior said:

And you sound like the usual pissed off customer service muufucka

All I'm saying is (forget the ones that are purposely a pain in the ass) at least forgive the ones that aren't as quick as you'd like them to be. It's pretty damn bitter to dismiss everyone as stupid b/c they don't automatically press the right button - the machines are slightly different in each store & half the time the words are smudged off Swiping your card is not as 2nd nature as taking a piss unless you just buy shit for a living. That's all I'm saying...

I used to work customer service & I was always ready to pounce on a muthafucka that did some dumb shit When it's part of your routine I guess it's kind of automatic, but it's a lot of energy to exude over people just being human, which is all it is most of the time.

But carry on w/ the bitter shit if you must. Merry friggin' Christmas

CalhounSq said:

Let's not start on the old people ...

DynamicSavior said:

That is just COLD! They're old man! Have a heart

CalhounSq said:

NO!! Because i'm so good at my job, I am frequently on the express register. Because I ship 'em out real quick and fast, and it's ALWAYS some old motherfucker coming through there and saying "OH MY GOD!!! YOU'RE GOIND TOO FAST FOR ME!!" Well that's the fuck why you came to express isn't it? So you can come in, get your shit, and be out. And then when someone is going slow they wanna complain. You just can't please these bitches. We need some of those self scanners. But knowing these people, they'd find some way to destroy it.

DynamicSavior said:

DAMN!

Yes...the joys of working with the public...nothing like it. I'm proud that I survived years of working retail without slapping somebody like a true pimp would.

But seriously, your stories had me cracking up so hard (especially the discount card fiasco). You could turn some of that stuff into standup comedy material if you wanted to.

DynamicSavior said:

FUNNY THOUGH THIS IS...

Don't get me started on some of the behind the till that I've had the misfortune to encounter.

DynamicSavior said:

The card readers in my store allow either the customer or me to swipe the card, time and again they attempt it when they have no idea what they are doing. They proceed to take out ballpoint pens and attempt to sign the screen. One woman went so far as to use the stylus to draw the numbers of her pin wtf (?!?)

browneyes said:

People have been telling me that ever since i started that job. And i've been there for 4 years. And I always wanna knock the shit outta the regulars, because they come in there and know how things go, yet they want to act dumb as hell too. I have to work today. I KNOW i'll have some more shit to say. Never fails.

DynamicSavior said:

Where the fuck do you work?

RipHer2Shreds said:

at a go*damn muthafuckin grocery store where people like to come in and show thy asseth. And obviously, they can't read either. They'll bring an item up to me:
"Um, excuse me, could you ring this up and tell me if it's by one get one free?"
"Was there a sign back there that said it was?"
"Yes. A big one."
Yet, she comes to ME for confirmation. Like a fucking sign is gonna lie to her ass.

DynamicSavior said:

Which store in which city? I need to visit this place.

RipHer2Shreds said:

In York, Pennsylvania. 2 hours west of Philly, 4 hours east of Pittsburgh, 30 minutes south of Harrisburg, and an hour and a half north of Baltimore.

My favourite retail story involves the lady who returned crisps/chips. It was a 12-pack, but the bottom pack had been `caught` when the outer bag was sealed at the factory, so it was fused to the packaging and admittedly, could be argued as being inedible. She had a case.

By the time it was returned, there were only two packs left in the bag, the `stuck` one plus one other. I heard her complaint, and as I was about to get her a replacement, she grabs the last loose pack out of the bag and starts eating it. "I'm starving!" she tells me.

So I return with a single pack of the crisps. Not a 12-pack. A single pack. To replace the one she missed out on. And she goes nuts. She wanted another twelve packs, even though she'd eaten eleven of the first lot, one of them in front of me.

Long story short, and what elevates this to the top of my list, she storms off with nothing, and, due to her rage, proceeds to back her car into another in the car park!

The moral of the story being: If you have a product you'd like to return, don't be a fat, ugly bitch!

Some quick ones. I've been asked by Johnny Foreigner for "Tampons-for-your Ears", which I eventually worked out were cotton-buds/q-tips. And "Towels-for-your-Back" which I only managed to translate after the frenchman vigourously mimed wiping his arse. In aisle 4. In front of everyone.

DynamicSavior said:

I get the people with 300 little tiny bits, and as each one rings up "how much did that ring in for?"

so I point out the little screen where they can follow along with the action, and on the very next item "how much did that ring in for?"



Then there are the people who plan their morning around stopping by your store for the bathroom. Every single day (?!?)

fathermcmeekle said:

LMAO!!!

i have a few:

i manage home decor dept at burliington coat factory--here's what i got all xmas weekend:

Q: do you have a box for this?
A: no sorry i don't
Q: well how am i supposed to give this as a gift?
A: well maybe you could just wrap it nicely
Q: you don't have more in the back?
A: if i did, we wouldn't be having this conversation.


Q: do you work here?
A: no, i'm just friendly enough to wear a store's name badge, do their freight and pick up after dirty people

Q: do you have any more of this window panel?
A: how many do you need?
Q: about 12
A: if you wanted 12, you should have come here about 6 weeks ago when we had stock. everyone redecorates their houses beginning around thanksgiving.
Q: do you have more in the back?
A: No.

Q: do you have any more of this in your flier?
A: no, we ran out when that came out 3 weeks ago.
Q: are you getting anymore in?
A: i hope not.

Q: is (insert item here) going on sale after christmas?
A: no it's not.
Q: i would buy it, but i don't want to pay that much for it.
A: uhhm, okay, well then can you put it back where you got it from so somebody else can?

Q: what are your holiday hours on christmas eve?
A: we're open 24 hours for your shopping convenience
Q: REALLY?
A: no, i was just yanking your chain. we're already closed.

meltwithu said:

Here's a NEW one. Last night this woman tried to return a box of cereal....
BECAUSE WHEN SHE OPENED THE BOX, THE CEREAL WASN'T THE SAME SIZE IN THE BAG AS IT WAS ON THE FRONT OF THE BOX. What a dumb fucking bitch. And I hate that shit. When you scan something "HOWMUCHDIDTHATRINGUPHOWMUCHDIDTHATRINGUPHOWMUCHDIDTHATRINGUPSHUTTHEFUCKUP!!!" Don't these people look at the prices when they pick shit up off the shelf? I wish I didn't have to worry about money like that. If I scan something and It doesn't go through, I'll ask if they remember the price.."Ummm.no??!!?!" But let them try to return something. They'll want DOUBLE the fucking price back. I need a new fucking job.

Revolution said:

There's a lady that comes into our local Border's (book store), and will shit in a paper bag and plant it somewhere on the shelves. I guess she places them throughout the store. The employees have an idea of who it is, but they haven't caught her in the act yet.

Tom said:

That bitch is mental squared.

DynamicSavior said:

We will give out $30.00 off coupons. The customer buys a total of $35.00 worth of crap, they pay a total of $5.00. Next week they return everything and can't figure out why we won't give them $35.00 back.


I'd feel better if I thought they were trying to rip us off, but these people honestly don't get it. (Faith and I had an old woman scream "fascists" at us once)

Tom said:

There's this woman who used to live up the street from my stepdad's corner store, and she would shit in a bucket, and come down the street to pour it in the storm drain right outside the store