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CHUCK NORRIS 30 FACTS ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart. http://www.4q.cc/chuck/in...?topthirty | |
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I had kebab tonight.....  | |
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abierman said: I had kebab tonight.....
so in other words you ordered a NUMBER 2 from my menu? 
 | |
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Ive read that before haha. It's great! "Man, the living creature, the creating individual, is always more important than any established style or system" - Bruce Lee | |
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he's no Steven Seagal   looking for you in the woods tonight Switch FC SW-2874-2863-4789 (Rum&Coke) | |
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AnckSuNamun said: he's no Steven Seagal
Your right...chuck could kick steven segal's ass...segal is not what he used to be. | |
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notoriousj said: AnckSuNamun said: he's no Steven Seagal
Your right...chuck could kick steven segal's ass...segal is not what he used to be. actually they both suck  they don't want none of Billy Blanks
ka-BOOM!  looking for you in the woods tonight Switch FC SW-2874-2863-4789 (Rum&Coke) | |
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 That's the funniest shit i read all year.One of Dansa's org hornies 
Supa is my gay messiah and he eats homeless dandruff sammitches on the bus.  HULK NEED LAID, HULK SMASH!!
The reigning queen of GD. All bitches step down. Prince.org: Where's Mani? | |
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| ohh shit | |
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 clever clever quotation - attention getting quote - sad yet witty remark - look at me! Im deep quote- song lyric about my ex cause that bitch stole my mp3 player! - line from movie I liked - Prince lyric - not very clever sig mocking other sigs | |
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KebabKing said: Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
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Neither of them can hold a candle to Mario Van Peebles though. 
He's never received an Oscar though. Obvious racial discrimination!!! | |
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| at this entire fucking thread. | |
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Bruce lee was the best!!! "Man, the living creature, the creating individual, is always more important than any established style or system" - Bruce Lee | |
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Chuck my Norris.
Bruce my Willis. Britney my Spears. ... I think that's a great formula, you can just about take anything and make it sound vaguely kinky. | |
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KebabKing said: Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
he should complain to the devil then, cuz there ain't nothin' good about his looks! | |
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fantasyislander said: KebabKing said: Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
he should complain to the devil then, cuz there ain't nothin' good about his looks! HAHAHAHA! Maybe the devil used a special magic mirror to make him think he looks good. "Man, the living creature, the creating individual, is always more important than any established style or system" - Bruce Lee | |
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I'm gonna name my first born Chuck. | |
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FunkJam said: Bruce lee was the best!!!
Bruce is in a category all by himself, so he doesn't count. So, aside from Bruce.....none of them can hold a candle to Billy Blanks for real.
 looking for you in the woods tonight Switch FC SW-2874-2863-4789 (Rum&Coke) | |
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FauxieToo said: Neither of them can hold a candle to Mario Van Peebles though.
He's never received an Oscar though. Obvious racial discrimination!!!  please
t2h [Edited 12/23/05 14:53pm] looking for you in the woods tonight Switch FC SW-2874-2863-4789 (Rum&Coke) | |
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Novabreaker said: Chuck my Norris.
Bruce my Willis. Britney my Spears. ... I think that's a great formula, you can just about take anything and make it sound vaguely kinky. Rock my Hudson  | |
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