When I first started on the org which was a while back, I was childless.

Oh man, things were sooooo different then.

I was ummmm....i was out there. I hung out alot. Did things that I look back on and was like damn.

Things have changed.

When you have kids, it's so hard to concentrate on anything else. It's so hard to relate to those who don't have kids.

I have noticed a pattern though. If a person isn't married/or has been married or had kids by the age 35...something goes sort of weird with their views. usually this person will have a serious problem developing a relationship.

And alot of people who have kids are basically driven crazy. You can eitehr have kids and handle it or not.

...

AlienX2050 said:

SEXY!!!!

No, if you haven't married or had kids by the time you are 35 it's because you don't want to throw your prime years away.

AlienX2050 said:

i think that idea can work in the reverse too, and can be dependent on where you live.

where i grew up (hicksville, Midwest), the vast majority of girls are (or at least, were..) in such a frickin hurry to snag a husband and get married and have babies that they'd get married by 20 or 21, and they had NO IDEA what being married even really MEANT in terms of a mature, adult relationship. and so they also then didn't have any true concept of what a healthy, mature relationship involves, or what being a parent really involves (like that it's not all happy-happy all the time, but also requires sacrifice, and effort and difficult choices, etc) -- they just had this immature, rosy, romantic dream of "being married and being a mommy" and didn't think past that 2-dimensional fantasy image.

so they get married fairly young and then ultimately get divorced and either then go from relationship to relationship, remarrying & divorcing multiple times in an elusive search for the 'perfect mate', or they stay single parents and never really find that solid relationship and/or marriage.

an impressive number of the people i knew who married in their early to mid 20s are divorced now, and imo they also have trouble developing and sustaining serious relationships.
[Edited 12/22/05 11:01am]

MrsJimmyFallon said:

Yes.

You've gone deeper into the picture more so than I would have.
But it's true.

I think when people get divorced, they're concerned more so with developing a relationship with someone else.

That shit ain't really going to happen if you have kids. Well, it's more than likely not to happen. If it does, you end up divorced again....more than likely.

Kids are a serious-serious responsibilty and committement. I underestimated it.

You love your child but they throw a serious damper on personal interests until the kids are a certain age. Even then, they're developing their personalities

At least for a little while.

.
[Edited 12/22/05 12:10pm]

REDFEATHERS said:

Hey there! Miss hearing from you!

I lurk often these days.....

After a certain time on the org, you begin to feel like a bonified veteran of the threads and chat.



..

MickG said:

44, single, childless by choice and loving every minute of it! No way am I giving up my freedom.

Different strokes for different folks...

It's a great confert that I am not alone in the world.

MickG said:

With family and true friends, you're NEVER alone!

charlottegelin said:

Oh yeah, no doubt about it, I would. Just never found the right guy. Oh well. Being single has its advantages too.

33, childless, and single, but committed.

I enjoy being an uncle. I get the good part of kids and I get to go home to a quiet somewhat clean place.

I am childless and teach 5th grade. Coincidence? No. Teaching OPPs (Other People's Children) is like a form of birth control, I tell you. After dealing with 25+ little monsters on a daily basis, anytime the urge strikes me to have kids I take a brick and whack my dick as hard as I can...

I'm not even sure owning a pet is in the cards for me. I like other peoples' (sometimes) but do I want one of my own? Nah...

purpleunderground said:

I have a friend who teaches elementary children and feels the same way. She gets her "children fix" by having all those other kids around.

TMPletz said:

I would love to knock off at 3.30pm, knowing I wouldn't have to deal with them again until 9 the next morning that would make parenting perfect or that off-switch I dream about...

charlottegelin said:

Mmmmm that's sort of an interesting thing to say. Actually, AS A FORMER TEACHER, I never "knocked-off" at 3:30 pm. In fact, because I was either a dance team director or on various committees AND taught academic classes, I never got home before 6:00 PM, and I often stayed much later than that. Oh... by the way, I also worked a second job for a while, teaching at dance studios coz I was paid MORE there than I EVER was as a dance team director. And just for the record, I also WORKED during the summers and/or took classes to receive advanced academic training.

As far as the "children" were concerned, when I finally arrived home, I was either grading papers or calling parents so they could address various problems that their children were having as far as academics or behavior. So, "knocking-off" at 3:30 PM wasn't really AN OPTION. In addition for the record, many holidays, I spent grading papers and/or preparing for the next semester, so teaching is NOT as easy as it sounds. Oh and I failed to mention the school shootings and other threats that teachers are subjected to: there was a school shooting at a middle school at which I was teaching; I was stalked by a one student who had mental problems; and from time to time, I felt threatened .. well with car keying or something like that... when I had to discipline a student for misbehavior. Oh, we also had to take a course in how to break-up fights. I recall one "lesson" in which we taught if a student grabbed our hair in a course of a fight, then we were to put our hands on his/hers... I can't remember the rest.. And I won't go into to the details as far as "covering my ass" as far as parents NOT wanting to have their children "fail" classes or accept any responsibility for misbehaving. But in spite of ALL OF THAT, I STILL miss the GOOD KIDS. I just don't like it when people assume that teachers have this easy job or something. Maybe that's NOT what you were implying, but I can understand WHY some teachers are "turned-off" from having kids just due to their NEGATIVE experiences in their profession.

By the way, I'm really "happy" that you are "happy" about having children, but I thought that this thread was for people who chose to NOT have children or maybe by circumstance COULD NOT HAVE children. I really respect your comments, but for some reason, I sort of feel defensive when I read them. It's great that you are happy with your choice, but then again, a number of people don't want to have kids or can't. Should we stop being happy because we choose NOT to have children? I thought the point of this thread was for those people to share their stories without feeling defensive about it. I was curious about the feelings of those people who didn't want children coz believe me, I have heard testimonials from mothers and fathers whose children are their entire lives... as well THEY SHOULD BE. But I was hoping to gain some support and/insight from other couples or singles who have decided that having children wasn't for them.
[Edited 12/22/05 18:29pm]

Isel said:

I think a big problem is too many folks(especially young folks) are having kids that shouldn't. It's an enormous responsibility, 24-7, for the next twenty years of your life. I knew all that hard work wasn't for me, which is why I stayed single. I don't regret my decision at all, and I'm having the time of my life. You have to do some serious soul-searching before you settle down to raise a family. I see many parents who can't handle the task, and it shows in their kids' behavior.
[Edited 12/22/05 18:38pm]

uPtoWnNY said:

I'm childless.

I have two cousins who are close in age to me (I'm 25), and they are both married w/three children. My family looks at ME like there is something wrong!!!

it is sooo hard to talk to co-workers who have kids. Thats all they want to talk about. I feel like I'm an outsider. When the convo turn to their kids I just have to smile.

My sunday gatherings with my girlfriends have all turned into family days. Sometimes I just stay home. Some of their kids are not necessarily well-behaved.

I might have one or two one day.....with someone RESPONSIBLE of course, you just dont have kids with anyone.
[Edited 12/22/05 21:42pm]

i just turned 21 on the 20th of december. And at the moment no marriage or kids for the next 8 yrs or so!

In the culture of Northern Africa ( my parents r egyptian) there is this whole thing about finishing high school which i did yrs ago 2001 and getting married and having kids by the time you are 20, 21! They ( those that i c around me) sadly think that life is all about marriage and kids. Really there is sooooo much more to life. I can do the whole housewife thing and have me a man and kids but be miserable and then i can have nono of that and be the best person I can be. Why is that hard 4 peeps 2 get? We are not in the 60's all, we are not in Egypt anymore. Old ways are not gonna do it 4 me I am not having kids, a man cause all da other egyptians are doing it, not my thing. Wish they would get off my back bout it, been on my a$$ since i was 17, peeps trying 2 set me up with this person and that person, DAMN, give it a rest!

And im very much a free bird! I cannot think of having kids when there r soooo many in the world that noone cares for!
[Edited 12/23/05 2:47am]

purpleunderground said:

DON'T whack the dick... with a brick!

November said:

i know the feeling.

some of my relitives asked me is when are you planning to start a family.
i told them i wasnt
then they unleashed the marriage is for procreation speech.

I'm 26 and Childless by choice, I don't want any kids until I meet the right lady

Good for you Raine, don't give in to your family or society. And don't do it just to make your boyfriend or husband happy. it's good to see some women not giving in to the pressure or believing the fairytale.

November said:

...and not just family, I get the same sh!t from friends, too. Where is it written that every human being must have a family? I think I'm doing the smart thing - that lifestyle isn't for me, so why force it upon myself? I'd just make myself(and my spouse) miserable.

I agree with Spats last post. Folks need to use some damn common sense and not cave in to what others want. It's your life - do what YOU want.

purpleunderground said:

I'm just about finished up a seasonal job in a department store.

All those screaming, bratty children?



They were the best birth control I've ever seen.

Spats said:

Call the newspapers, everyone.




I just agreed with Spats.