Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Thank you. Thank you.

I'll be here all week.

43 and childless by choice. Can't say that I regret not having kids, since being an aunt is fun.

charlottegelin said:

Well, sometimes in life we have some disappointments if not regrets. And even though I was shattered when I first found-out that pregnancy might not be an option, a couple of years into that realization, I am more accepting that sometimes life doesn't ALWAYS turn-out the way we planned. I mean, some things AREN'T meant to be as much as we want them or try to make them happen. So unfortunately there is often temporary disappointment in taking a "vision" down a new path rather than giving-up on it completely. I think giving up completely on a dream might lead to regret, but there are OPTIONS and other avenues to make something a reality even though it's not exactly the original plan. Like I said, while I was teaching, I saw ALL TYPES of situations and relationships that parents had with their kids. I'm gonna tell ya the truth: from my observation, RAISING kids is NOT for everyone. Some people simply AREN'T cut-out for it. I think that SOME people have this romantic notion of children (even believing that a child is the ultimate symbol of"love" in a relationship), feel pressured by what society thinks is the norm, need someone to love them unconditionally, and/or other subconscious but selfish reasons, so they are quick to have children. But when things become difficult or don't fit-in to that vision, then they bail sometimes physically but more often emotionally.

So like I said, I'm just gonna play the cards that I've been dealt without going through the procedures it might take for me to get pregnant. Frankly, as painful as it might be to give birth, I really think the difficulty is raising children. And if I don't end-up with children of my own, I will be content in trying to help those kids who are already here have better lives and also support their parents in helping their children mature into happy, productive adults.

By the way, as far as love is concerned, I have felt deep love for people of all ages. I have felt love for animals as well. I don't think I will be missing-out on that "feeling" or "experience" if it turns-out that I don't have kids. I love and marrried my HUSBAND, and he is open to the idea of having kids for my happiness, but it's NEVER been a true desire for him. However,even it that wasn't the case, I'm not going to abandon my marriage or love him any less if he NEVER wanted to have kids. Like I said, I don't think he is keen on adopting kids, so that might NOT be an option. But whatever his decision, I didn't marry the guy for the sole purposed of having children anyway. Consequently, childess couples have the capacity to love very deeply. As with anything else, I really think that we can’t “judge” each other’s choices or really know another person’s heart. We just have to accept that decisions that we might make might not be the best ones for other people.

Consequently, I think that it’s responsible to decide whether or not RAISING children is really a heartfelt dream even though coming to the realization a person lacks this overwhelming” desire” to have kids can be pretty traumatic because in way a person feels like he/she is “less” for making that decision due to societal expectations. If the truth be told, having kids is just a matter of biology, but being a parent is for lifetime, and that effort, despite great intentions, IS NOT always rewarded and NEVER easy. It’s not always this “romantic,” warm-fuzzy ideal. From what I’ve observed and experienced second-hand, the experience can be quite challenging, and believe it or not, as harsh as this sounds some people have many regrets in the way they have either raised their kids or maybe even having them at all.
[Edited 12/19/05 6:40am]

One parent childless/ one child DEAD


Much Love to all

heartbeatocean said:

Yes, that's the thing.
I took a giant leap into the unknown, having kids was not an informed choice, it was not a rational decision. But it is like I had never loved, before I loved them.

Childless by choice - it is also not an informed choice, you don't really know what it is like to have your own child. Knowing your sisters kids, or babysitting gives no insight to what it is like to have a child. I think loving your step kids might come close.

psychodelicide said:

Yes, 31 here and childless very much by choice. I'm too egotistical to want to take care of another person for the rest of my life. I have my pets, that's quite enough. I have been asked "what the hell is wrong with you?" several times though, to which I responded "there are enough unwanted children on this earth, it doesn't need more." If I EVER wanted a child in the future I would adopt an unwanted one cos parenthood ain't in the blood, it's in the actions.

I'm 20 and child-free so far. Believe me, where I live that IS impressive. I know so many girls from high school who've got one or two short people running around already.

34, childless and single mostly by choice.

It is getting more difficult to have frienships. Most single friends of mine around my age (and there are very few), are desperate for a mate. It's wierd, becuaes in your 20's talking about the pursuit for sex is fun--in your 30's it seems tragic. It's getting more isolation as the years go by.

meow85 said:

that sounds like the city I grew up in. At one point we had the highest teen pregnancy rate. Domestic violence and teen pregnancy is what South Carolina is all about

MarySharon said:

40 and childless by choice and a "little luck"...ahem

Looking forward to the day I am a Daddy! I absolutely love kids!! I have a host of nieces and nephews and little cousins that have helped in my training and parental aspirations!!

I have had a great life on my own, and now the next chapter awaits me!!

NO RUSH THOUGH!! Still got some THANGS to do!!

AnckSuNamun said:

I couldn't do that, have a kid now. I can't even manage to make my bed every day -how could I take care of another human being?
[Edited 12/20/05 23:54pm]

I have no plans to ever get married or have kids. I have no interest in taking care of another person or locking myself into a longterm commitment. If a girlfriend did accidently get knocked up then whe would have serious problem.

I have no plans to ever get married or have kids. I have no interest in taking care of another person or locking myself into a longterm commitment. If a girlfriend did accidently get knocked up then whe would have serious problem.

37 here and childless. i can't have kids and discovered that at age 27 and before that i hadn't ever been in a situation where having children would've been the right thing to do (not married, not financially stable, etc)

part of me feels that i wouldn't ever have made a very good mother anyway and so my not having kids probably is for the best anyway. another part of me feels so sad sometimes that i will never have that experience...and then i begin overanalyzing the situation and wonder if i feel that way merely because the option of having kids was taken away from me, and wasnt a decision i made for myself (you know, that old 'want what you can't have' thing)

i know there's always adoption but if i face reality i know that i will probably never have kids of my own. the practical part of me feels that's probably good because, for various reasons, i just don't think i'd make a good parent for a child and i wouldnt' ever want to screw up a child by not being the kind of mother a child deserves to have.

it gets hard sometimes to be this age and not have kids. i feel rather alienated sometimes because, where i live, most women my age have AT LEAST one child. my class reunion is next summer and my classmates are filling out profiles and almost everybody has 2-3 kids. when i've had jobs where i've worked with other women who all have kids, they always talk about their kids and pregnancy and motherhood and all that stuff that i will never experience and it kind of sets me apart and i feel like i don't fit in with them. they share this common bond that i don't have.

thankfully i have nephews though whom i couldn't love more if they were my own, and i am grateful for having been around to watch them grow up.

charlottegelin said:

Being childless is not always an uninformed choice, some of us don't want to pro-create if we're not married (which is why I never had kids). Don't get me wrong, I love kids, but I could never afford to raise one on my salary, it just is not doable.