heartbeatocean said:

it can be unpleasant, but it's only a day of your life.
[Edited 12/18/05 20:15pm]

charlottegelin said:

My wife and I have known several couples that said at the time "We have no plans of having children", but yet about a year later they are preggers. They try to play it off like it's going to be a good thing. That's when I step up and say "you see? that's why I say I am planning on not having kids".


THEM: We are not planning on having kids.

US: We are planning on not having kids.

charlottegelin said:

That's beautiful. I'd like to experience that. But I want to have a solid partner and be financially secure first. I don't want to put kids through divorce and all that, so I want to be sure. It only seems responsible.

39 and childless

charlottegelin said:

That actually makes me feel better.

i'm 32 and childless by choice as well.

MickG said:

roflmbo

MickG said:

I was never planning anything, but my husband is crazy about babies and kids, and I certainly did not want to deny him his dream. He would most definitely have left me in a hurry if I had told him I didn't want kids. For people who have a partner who doesn't want kids, remember being childless by circumstance (not choice) will be a regret you would live with for the rest of your life. But ultimately, to each their own.

Single, childless and wondering if I'll ever be a dad (my many friends with kids say I'd be a good one).

ThreadBare said:

so if the circumstances were right, it's a yes to kids?

charlottegelin said:

Maybe. There are a few things I'd like to have accomplished, though, before progeny enter my picture. A conceivably wealthy gentleman once joked with me to make money first and to then marry a young (implicitly fertile) woman. His significantly younger wife was standing near him at the time.

I just haven't found the woman, or I'd jump on the chance to get married and have kids... times going by fast for me these days... maybe there's reincarnation.

I'm 20 and child-free so far. Believe me, where I live that IS impressive. I know so many girls from high school who've got one or two short people running around already.


Sometimes I think I might want kids in the future when I'm done with being young, dumb, and irresponsible. I probably wouldn't have any of my own though, even if it turns out I'm fertile enough to grow plants in.

I think I'd maybe like to adopt a few kids though. Race and gender wouldn't be important to me. There's so many kids in the world already who don't have anyone to call parents, and every extra kid born takes away resources from already existing ones. I don't understand couples who don't adopt when natural conception doesn't work. I think it's selfish to go through expensive and invasive medical treatments just so the kids you raise can be your own spawn. I think it's selfish to insist that adopted kids aren't "really" yours or that you couldn't connect with something that wasn't leeching off your body for 9 months, give or take.

It breaks my heart when I hear about kids who were never "chosen" and spend their entire childhoods in foster homes or orphanages or shelters -all because somewhere, some couple decided only their genetic material was worthy of being raised as theirs.


Funny thing is, I don't consider myself a "kid" person, and so far I don't think I have a maternal instinct of any kind. But from what I hear, once you've got kids of your own, you eventually figure things out.

MickG said:

Wow.

I am an orphan, but I would have loved to take care of my parents if the opportunity would have presented itself.

A society that looks at older people that turn to their children for support as evil is evil itself.

We've got a very selfish society... sad, really.

I don't have kids yet.

No kids yet. But I'm only 24, which is rather early -where I live- to have kids. I've been studying at university until last year, so having kids would be a baaaaad idea...

I do want kids one day, but I need to figure a few things out first, about myself and my relationship. I've been raised in a difficult household, my parents were always fighting an divorced two years ago, after 33 years of marriage. I certainly don't want that.

charlottegelin said:

Well, sometimes in life we have some disappointments if not regrets. And even though I was shattered when I first found-out that pregnancy might not be an option, a couple of years into that realization, I am more accepting that sometimes life doesn't ALWAYS turn-out the way we planned. I mean, some things AREN'T meant to be as much as we want them or try to make them happen. So unfortunately there is often temporary disappointment in taking a "vision" down a new path rather than giving-up on it completely. I think giving up completely on a dream might lead to regret, but there are OPTIONS and other avenues to make something a reality even though it's not exactly the original plan. Like I said, while I was teaching, I saw ALL TYPES of situations and relationships that parents had with their kids. I'm gonna tell ya the truth: from my observation, RAISING kids is NOT for everyone. Some people simply AREN'T cut-out for it. I think that SOME people have this romantic notion of children (even believing that a child is the ultimate symbol of"love" in a relationship), feel pressured by what society thinks is the norm, need someone to love them unconditionally, and/or other subconscious but selfish reasons, so they are quick to have children. But when things become difficult or don't fit-in to that vision, then they bail sometimes physically but more often emotionally.

So like I said, I'm just gonna play the cards that I've been dealt without going through the procedures it might take for me to get pregnant. Frankly, as painful as it might be to give birth, I really think the difficulty is raising children. And if I don't end-up with children of my own, I will be content in trying to help those kids who are already here have better lives and also support their parents in helping their children mature into happy, productive adults.

By the way, as far as love is concerned, I have felt deep love for people of all ages. I have felt love for animals as well. I don't think I will be missing-out on that "feeling" or "experience" if it turns-out that I don't have kids. I love and marrried my HUSBAND, and he is open to the idea of having kids for my happiness, but it's NEVER been a true desire for him. However,even it that wasn't the case, I'm not going to abandon my marriage or love him any less if he NEVER wanted to have kids. Like I said, I don't think he is keen on adopting kids, so that might NOT be an option. But whatever his decision, I didn't marry the guy for the sole purposed of having children anyway. Consequently, childess couples have the capacity to love very deeply. As with anything else, I really think that we can’t “judge” each other’s choices or really know another person’s heart. We just have to accept that decisions that we might make might not be the best ones for other people.

Consequently, I think that it’s responsible to decide whether or not RAISING children is really a heartfelt dream even though coming to the realization a person lacks this overwhelming” desire” to have kids can be pretty traumatic because in way a person feels like he/she is “less” for making that decision due to societal expectations. If the truth be told, having kids is just a matter of biology, but being a parent is for lifetime, and that effort, despite great intentions, IS NOT always rewarded and NEVER easy. It’s not always this “romantic,” warm-fuzzy ideal. From what I’ve observed and experienced second-hand, the experience can be quite challenging, and believe it or not, as harsh as this sounds some people have many regrets in the way they have either raised their kids or maybe even having them at all.
[Edited 12/19/05 6:40am]

34 and childless...not by choice. However, I am the auntie of eight great kids...and they ALL rock.

charlottegelin said:

phew! I'm so glad you said that Charlotte...
I didn't have my first till I was 30, my husband and I bought our house in 1999 and we lived together prior to that so we had quite a few years of living for ourselves before we had a child. I will just say that we were not "kid people" either....really had no desire to have any...was always a very scarey thought...the pregnancy, the birth, raising a child...is all very intimidating ...untill you do it. Women, You can do it....it's not that bad. Coming from me...I had a LONG (to put it mildly) labor...and I can still say it wasn't that bad. Women are STRONG! Much stronger than I ever gave us credit for. to all of you who are waiting to be finincailly secure and with the right person, you're on the right track....but don't miss out waiting either

Excellent thread!

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

It is a good one, but I have to say that it's making me a little bit sad.

applekisses said:

Aww! Hang in there kid! Make this next year about focusing on what will further you towards relationship goals..... I think Im in for that this next year.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

That sounds like a good plan. Once I get back on my feet and move into my new place...that will be on the list next

i'm 31 and i have 3. i never thought i'd have kids. i don't regret it but sometimes there are times when i want to do things or go out and i can't 'cause i dont have a babysitter or little things like that and i get frustrated, i sometimes envy those who can just get up and go. but when my kids are gone i miss them. the good thing is that those who don't have kids and know they don't want them instead of having them and abusing them. its better to be an aunt or uncle anyways-you can always give them back! :evilLOL:

childless by choice here...i have a lotta relatives and friends my age who have kids already; unfortunately all of 'em were living the wrong way, therefore they got pregnant while they were real young. i'm already an auntie (2 nieces, plus 2 great-nephews and 1 great-niece at last count), and i'm only 25.

i've never felt the need to wanna have children. i'm too much of a free spirit to settle down and get preggers.


i feel old edit
[Edited 12/19/05 8:57am]

im 24 and childless by choice

i spent a lot of my childhood helping to raise a younger sibling.

i dont think i ever will want any children of my own.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Thank you. Thank you.

I'll be here all week.

Childless.

However, I have lots of Org children.

No kids here!

No plans for them, either, but I'm not as against the idea as I once was...