OK, so my partner and I are invited to his boss' house for dinner and drinks. Never been before but the man's house must be 2.5 million if its a dime. I went in looking like . You know the houses I'm talkin about? the kind that have 4-5 large, full size Christmas trees at Christmas time. Upstairs, Downstairs, Dining room, above the entrance door and mini tress everywhere. Every space had some sort of decoration.

How much does the man make to support his wife, three kids and this spread?? Sorry, I'm getting off track, I was just stunned at the vulgar display of wealth.

Anyway, the evening was fine, drinks were fine, I was funny and charming as usual. The meal was very good and going along fine when i tried some cole slaw. I know people make all types of slaw and some use mayo, some salad dressing etc. I took a big bite of this slaw and it had raw onions mixed in. Sorry folks, jthad does not do raw onions, PERIOD. In any shape or form. If you like raw onions, please substitute any other horrid veggie of your choice. I tried to swallow it at the table to be nice but wanted to spit into my napkin immediately I knew at this point i was feelin it. I excused myself from the table.

I make it to the restroom, that also has little Christmas trees, candles and Santa's face on the toilet seat and rug. I up that slaw and immediately began feeling sooo much better. As I pushed the flusher, you guessed it, NOTHING HAPPENS. The slaw just spins around and around as the water rises closer and closer to the top of the toilet . I freak, of course and I start praying to Jesus that the water stops coming or the slaw starts going down. I frantically start looking for a plunger, towels that don't have holly leaves, elves or Santa on them, ANYTHING to save me. I just knew it was going to overflow, all over her Christmas floor, rug, everywhere. I was going to have to walk slowly back to the table and say, 'Do you have a mop?.' Oh Lawd, Please get me out of this and I will never eat slaw again. 10 seconds of total panic (that seem like 30 mins) the water slowly starts to go down. slowly.

Water level is low now but there are still traces of slaw bits (or slaw floaters). I can't have this! Do I flush again? Do I run for cover and let the next person deal? What if there is someone right outside waiting to come in? They will know it was me!! I take a chance and flush again (with a dab a paper to try and trap every speck of evidence) This works and I am in the clear. I return to the table as if... They all probably think I was in there doing my business. If they only knew, I was just trying to get some nasty-ass oniony slaw to go down the toilet.

And how was your weekend?

.
[Edited 12/12/05 9:27am]

TMI

http://www.prince.org/msg/100/170464

man, floaters are the worst. so is when you dump out enough logs to build the alamo and you clog up the commode...and there's no plunger! there's absolutely no graceful way to deal with that situation. you're pretty much forced to discuss your poop with your host.

i just have to say this is just about the most interesting topic i have seen in the forums since Caeser delivered the King of Gauls.

isn't it funny how most people will start frantically praying when you see the water going up?

i do that too.

"oh NO- PLEASE JESUS NO! GOD, PLEASE, JESUS NO NO NONONONONO"

cborgman said:

I feel ya

ROFLMAO! Thanks for the commedy!

Anxiety said:

heh-heh...poop!

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

you're mean!

and this is totally the best thread of the day... geniusly funny, and therefore underread and underappreciated

cborgman said:

I fully agree! It is a riot!

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

so naturally, no one is reading or responding... sad.

I was looking for something I threw on Anxietys thread and I found this!

cborgman said:

Well, I think its a little less intentional then that... Since they put the thread tracker in peeps org accts... many go there and tire out long before they go to the general and start reading...

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

btw, i hate coleslaw too. it's the result of having to eat my stepmom's cruddy homemade coleslaw when i was a kid...she'd always make a big batch of it, so it'd be included with every single dinner that was served until it was gone.

they made that shit with onions? i've never heard of anybody putting onions in coleslaw...i don't mind raw onions, but with coleslaw??? i woulda been pluggin up the toilet too.

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

my coleslaw rocks.

very simple, good texture, lots of flavor, NO ONIONS.

Need to get a registrated trademark for that.

Coleslaw Rocks!®

HamsterHuey said:

does not!

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

I am considering making it my new bandname!

HamsterHuey said:

that would actually be a cool band name, come to think of it...ladies and gentlemen...coleslaw rocks!!!

The combination of this and the thread title made me think the subject would even be worse.

That sounds like it should be in the Worst Case Scenario books series. How to survive a overflowing toilet.

jthad1129 said:

ooooh man! growing up I had a serious fear of toilets! When I was like...really little the toilet overflowed and I was stuck in the bathroom...the floor had water on it and just the amount of water in the toilet scared the daylights outta me...I cried for my Nana who promptly came and saved me! phew! but for a long long time...till I was like 16 or something...every time I was anywhere where I was not familiar with the toilet...I wouldn't go. I also learned very quickly how to stop the water in case of an emergency...so for a while every time I went into an unknown bathroom I would make sure the back of the toilet was clear of any items in-case I had to whip off the top and lift the plunger thingy.
wow...weird childhood fear that I had almost forgot about.

can't spell edit
[Edited 12/12/05 12:42pm]

littlemissG said:

ooh, good idea!

Natsume said:

Muse2NOPharaoh said: