Or most difficult, perhaps...

trying to explain the concept of the Royal Variety Performance to my French housemate.

Please, God, I can't go through that again next year.


What weird and wonderful conversations did you have this weekend?

onenitealone said:

omg ...as for weird conversations I was on a bus on Saturday a guy was sitting behind me his eyes were pretty much closed so he was either very tired or high as a kite. he started asking me my name, where I live, if I live alone etc and saying I look very nice lol... really freaked me out (and I didn't tell him anything by the way lol)

Natisse said:

I would have.

If I had been YOU, I would have told him my name is Lolita and I live UP YER ASS!

hehehe

Not yours, but his, mind you. Then I would have told him to bugger off, then promise to scream RAPE if he didn't.

Natisse said:

Well, I'm glad to see you kept your credentials to yourself! That sounds a bit weird. Just glad to see you're in one piece.

I think I weirded-out a 60 year old woman on Saturday. She was in this bar, on an Xmas office night out, but - whilst she sat in the corner, getting dumped with everyone's bags - all the youngsters were on the dancefloor. I took it upon myself to cheer her up, for some reason. I can only remember her face being through most of it. I was a bit drunk. But I did succeed.

But I think she wanted to set me up with her daughter.

In my store;

UK girl, holding a fiver-note; "Can I get some coins?" forgoing on the 'please'-part of it as well.

I tell her; "No", as we get that question like a thousand times a day, then I want to tell her where she can get the change, but she tells me to PISS OFF.

Most UK tourists are okay, though.

Also in my store;

Handing back some coins, dropping them in a customer's hand, who then stops and just looks at me. I asume he means I have not giving him enough change, so I show the tenner he just gave me.

He then continues; "NEVER do that again!"

I look puzzled. He then says; "Never just throw my money into my hand like that!"

I raise my eyebrow (I got GOOD eyebrows for that) and say; "What do you want me to do then, just put it on the counter next time?"

He says; "Shut your face! Do you want to step outside? I'll kill you, you know?"

I smile. I love being threatened. I say; "Sure, bring your family!" Then point him the door. He still lingers. Says; "I will recognise you, you know, outside."

All this in normal dinner conversation-tone. I say; "Looking forward to it, sir! Now, bye-bye"

This in the middle of three lines, I look at my next customer.

"How can I help you? I sure do your death threat is somewhat more impressive."

Every single customer laughs. Silly guy drips out of the store.

Just another saturday.

HamsterHuey said:

It wasn't Natisse was it?

HamsterHuey said:

I loves me some Huey!

I just got called Stupid.. about, say 20 or 30 times from my older brother.

HamsterHuey said:

Wow, Herman. Serves him bloody right. I have much experience of rude customers.

I used to work in this store where some used to come in every week and insist his bacon - yes, bacon - was folded a certain way. Naturally I just shoved it in the bag. And then he went and moaned about me to everyone else.

REDFEATHERS said:

Bad brother.

I hope you put him in his place.

onenitealone said:

Couldnt..

I think he loves calling me stupid, I think he really believes I am stupid.

oh my GOD..don't EVEN get ME started with the fucking public. People who don't know how to use credit/debit/EBT card machines need to just fucking pay with cash. At our store, when you use your debit/credit card, it automatically asks for your pin number, because we charge to use debit. But most people end up using credit anyway. When the machine asks for your number, you hit the OK! button 2wice for a credit transaction. Some people fail to grasp the concept:

"Ma'm, what are you paying with?"
"I'm gonna use my card."
"....what card?" (like i'm psychic and shit)
"my credit card"
*she slides the card*
"Okay, it's asking for my pin number"
"Just hit the OK button twice for credit"
"But i don't want to use debit"
"Hit the OK button."
"It's asking for my pin number"
"Okay...push the GREEN button. Right here" I put my finger where the button is and she moves it away...
"Okay...it's asking if i want cash back, but i'm using credit"
"No, you just put it through as debit."
"But I don't want debit."
"Okay. Let's try this again."
I clear the transaction, and she slides her card again..
"....it's still asking for my pin. Somethin's wrong with your machine"
Me under my breath "no, it's something wrong with you..."
So she starts pushing random buttons. She lays the card down and by now i'm fucking So i pick it up and yell out "Oh my god. for the love of Jesus Christ!!!" And i slide the card and do the gotdamn transaction myself. Cuz we would've been in there forever and 2 weeks if that stupid bitch didn't listen to me. Then I hand her her receipt and she says "YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM" and i shoot back "AND YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO HOLD MY LINE UP. NEXT TIME USE CASH!!!! IT'S A CARD MACHINE, NOT A SCIENTIFIC CALCULATOR!!!" For the love of Jeff. The public is so fucking stupid. I swear.

Or this:

"Excuse me...I picked this off the shelf (a box of macaroni) and as you can see, the box it a little torn in the corner (on the top)
She shows me and I pretend I can't see..
"....okay...."
"I was wondering if I could get some kind of discount."
IS.THIS.BITCH.FUCKING.SERIOUS....
"Well, what's wrong with the product? It's not expired. There's just a small tear in the box. If that bothers you, instead of trying to get a discount, why don't you get another box, or get something cheaper?"
She gives me this look of shock, Like i didn't just put her in her place...
"..can I speak to your manager?"
"Sure."
So I go page a manager for her. MIND you this is 3 in the morning. So he comes to the front..
"Hello Ma'm, how can I help you?"
"Yes. You see this little tear in the corner of this box?"
and he looks at her like "BITCH, do NOT ask for no discount.."
and she says "I wanted to know if I could get some kind of discount on it..."
He looks her dead in the face and says
"...Lady, are you serious??" That shit made my night. So she goes on about how we all have attitude problems and she's going to shop at a competitor and blah blah bleh...

REDFEATHERS said:

How bloody rude!

For you ---->

onenitealone said:

I only watched the last 15 minutes but I really liked Shirley Bassey's second song.

Reincarnate said:

Well, it's not something I usualy watch (you and I both ) but a mate of mine - a florist - was responsible for all the flowers. Even the Queen's bouquet! So I had to watch it, really.

Shirley was good, bless 'er. That's Welsh lungs for you.

Catherine Tate was AMAZING! I love, love, love her.

Charlotte Chuch - you could hardly hear a word during the chorus.

Those guys with blue heads, playing drums. I bet the Queen was

And Sir Cliff with an 18 minute medley of hits.

Proud to be British.
[Edited 12/12/05 5:39am]

onenitealone said:

I wanted to see Joe Pasquale but I missed it.

I'm still the only person in Britain watching Space Cadets so I turned over after it'd finished.

I'm sorry I missed your friend's flowers. (btw I thought the Queen looked good in red - she should wear dark colours more often).

Reincarnate said:

I can't believe I'm admitting this but - despite my poker face at the start of Joe Pasquale's routine - I was actually chuckling by the end of it.

Will Young had too much eyeliner on.

Katherine Jenkins hung, drew and quartered 'I Feel Love'.

Other than that

I have seen Space Cadets once, though. I wanted to like it but... Johnny Vaughan was terrible. Very wooden.

I sound like a Moaning Minnie today.

Okay, enough.

onenitealone said:

I don't like Johnny Vaughn either ... they're launching them tonight though.

I don't rate Katherine Jenkins at all - whenever I've heard her live I think she's slaughtered the songs she's sung. I think she's very pretty and I'm sure that hasn't harmed her career.

Joe P always makes me laugh - like you, despite myself.

onenitealone said:

What about OZZY.. ? I liked his performance too..

Reincarnate said:

Awww, I used to LOVE Johnny on the Big Breakfast but he's not very good on this programme. Shame, cos I think he's pretty good usually.

REDFEATHERS said:

You'll have everyone thinking I watched the entire programme.

There were so many acts, I've forgotten half of them. Ozzy was cool.

I wonder what the Queen said backstage??

Saturday-morning 5:45 am on the backseat of a cab:

me: that was a nice party

she: yeah, it was....I'm cold can you hold me?

me: sure! you must be cold in that lovely short dress

she: yes I am [staring in eachothers eyes]

me:

she:


oh well.....it wasn't that weird I guess.....



next!

onenitealone said:

He was FANTASTIC on the BB but since then hasn't found a vehicle ... I thought that show he did with Denise Van Outen was awful and he's even worse in this. But the Big Breakfast format showed him to be a genius. It's a shame really.

abierman said:

Yes, but was it real?

Reincarnate said:

why wouldn't it be real, Kiren.....??? Ofcourse it was! Unfortunately....

abierman said:

why unfortunately? that sounds lovely.

Reincarnate said:

she's a bad-girl.....taken! doesn't bring me any further....
[Edited 12/12/05 6:58am]

My best friend's girlfriend recently got really mad at me while the three of us were having dinner. She was joking about some red marks that my friend had on his face and I said something like "oh come on, give us old geezers a break, we worry enough about our million flaws as it is". Her strong negative reaction took both me and my friend by surprise since we were all just joking around, but apparently she felt I had "instructed her how to speak to her boyfriend". The ensuing discussion where I was trying to apologize and me and my friend were trying to figure out how on Earth the whole thing could have made her upset was quite weird.

abierman said:

awww
it sounds like you're a good boy, if you're leaving it at that. From what you say she was pretty keen ...

onenitealone said:

I usually dont watch it either, but somehow I quite fancied it.. I did enjoy it.. those bros, in white doing their acrobats were cool..


and yes, admit it, you watched it ALL just like me..